Help, W/ My 5 Yr Old, He Is Showing Lots of Anger. Please Help

To add a new perspective, I had/have severe anger management issues. The thing that helped me out was learning how to redirect my anger, watch for and control triggers, and what to do if that didn't work and I had a blow up. I do not have ADHD, ADD, or any other issues, I just am a very hard headed, passionate person, who feels very strongly, none of those are bad things, just the temper flareups are. I have a three year old who is the same way, because I have been through it myself, I have been able to help teach him how to handle his anger, and now he is doing very well with handeling his. I would reccomend working with a specialist in anger management, to help him cope with it. And remember all that passion directed in the right way can do amzing things.

First of all, please don't feel like this is someone's "fault". There are many children who struggle in this area and they have wonderful parents and teachers.

I've never met your son, so it would be foolish to say specific things about him, but I have worked with many children who have similar symptoms and I will tell you what I have learned from them.

#1--Nutrition is a big key. Our digestive system is called "The Second Brain" because you manufacture about 50% of your neurotransmitters there. Neurotransmitters are EXACTLY the chemicals you are trying to replace when you take anti-depressant medications. The way you eat has a HUGE effect on your brain's function---in particular the portion of your brain largely responsible for emotion---the limbic system.

#2--It's interesting that he wants one-on-one with Dad, and wants to be sent to the teacher for one-on=one and he seems overwhelmed by large groups. I would really want to check his auditory processing. This would explain why large groups cause him to struggle (large groups = lots of noise) and he may be misinterpreting some of the information around him, which may be a contributor to his inappropriate responses.

I don't want to write a novel, but please consider that his situation is not terribly uncommon, that you can help him if you know the root cause. The root cause has to be in his brain---it is where our actions, thoughts, speech, etc. originate.

www.parentswithpurpose.com

S.,

I totally understand what you're going through! My 7 y/o son also started showing major anger and transition issues when he started school. It's taken me 2 years, lots of reading and researching and tons of prayers to find some balance with him. We discovered that he probably has "ring of fire" ADD and posibly some sensory issues. The book called Healing ADD by Daniel Amen describes the 6 types of ADD and natural ways to help. Also the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka has been a life saver with dealing with and understanding his personality. Edward Hallowell's Driven to Distraction is good too.

We have him on natural supplements (DMAE, DLPA, Phosphatidylserine, 5 HTP)including 2000mg Omega 3s which are usually lacking in these type kids. We've been able to handle his anger and outburst issues with no RX meds so far. It's taken allot of trial and error though.

I can give you the name of a good psychcologist to help you if you need one. Also send me a note if you have any more questions! Good Luck!

http://www.mommypoppins.com/ny-kids/99-sensory-activities...

This is a link to a site that has Sensory activities for kids. It sounds like he may have some sensory issues, and these activities might help him some if you do them at home. If nothing else, it will be some individual attention that he craves. If he likes the heavy work exercises (my daughter does) then it might help if his teacher would let him carry things, such as books, and put them away. He may even learn to ask to help rather than seek negative attention. You really should check out the link. The activities are really easy to do, and if they help, can keep you from having to label him so early on. I know my daughter will be diagnosed someday with ADD if she is in the public school system, but I'm trying my best, starting now, to deal with it any way I can, so I can keep from having to use medication for her in the future.

A.
www.greenbabydiaperservice.com

Maybe a smaller student/teacher ratio classroom ie private school or find a person that home schools. Enroll him in an after school activity/ies; one sport the other music. He can take out his frustration in the sport/music. Perhaps this will help him in the classroom.

Also, you might want to watch his diet intake ie sugars/starches/yeast...

Good luck.

S.,

I agree with everyone who said you should have him tested. Without knowing specific details about him (such as, was he a late talker, how he plays when he's alone, is he struggling with learning his letters, etc.) it's hard to even give you a good idea of what could be wrong.

For instance, if he is struggling with learning things, he may be so frustrated that he is acting out. However, there are many conditions he could have that are causing his agression (such as high functioning autism: the kids are normally sweet sometimes and extremely agressive other times).

I know it's hard when someone tells you your child needs testing done and you cringe at the thought of "labeling" him, but I can tell you it makes the teachers a little more sympathetic and gives them a better idea of how to work with your child if a condition or struggle has been associated with his actions.

I work in special education and I have a son who is high functioning autistic. The fact that your son is having a hard time being in a group of children his own age is a big trigger sign for me. Please have him tested as soon as possible......it is the best thing for him (and for your sanity)!

Feel free to send me a note if you have any questions I can answer.

Take care!

Good morning, S.,
It would be a good idea to take your son to a good nutritionist. He may have chemical imbalances because of sensitivity to food additives or even food allergies & sensitivities you are unaware of. "We are what we eat" and many problems can be alleviated or eliminated by following a more careful diet: very little sugar, no MSG, caffeine, etc. Many doctors don't think to check such things, but believe me, they are at the root of many health problems.
I also agree it would be wise to have his hearing checked.
It would help you to educate yourself as much as possible on these topics by reading at the library or on the Internet.
Good luck and keep loving on those kids!
B. (mother of 8, grandmother of 4)

You may just want to pull him out of Kindergarten, you know in the state of TX you do not have to go to Kindergarten it is not required, but he may just be overwhelmed as you stated and maybe you could start him in Kindergarten next year when he is a little more mature. My son's b-day is the end of September so he will be alomost 6 by the time he starts school and I think this will be great because he will be more mature. I think he may just not quite be ready for school yet. I think it would be better just to pull him out then having to hold him back in a year or two. Just my 2 cents but its always an option. Good Luck!

I know you are skeptical of diagnoses, but your child may have ADD. This is often an overworked diagnoses, but it actually is a substantial problem for children. My experience with my child who has ADD (now age 26)is first, they don't learn from punishment or natural consequences of negative behavior. You are right in that positive reinforcement helps and short time-outs help for negative behavior. Second, they need a very structured environment and transitioning from one activity to another is very difficult, I think preparation before each activity starts-- telling them that it will end and they will move to another activity-- helps in preparing them to avoid transition difficulties. Third, a high protein, low sugar diet is very important and eating at regular intervals throughout the day. ADD children also seem to have more difficulty with the multitude of choices available in today's culture and become overwhelmed easily. Limit choices and keep a strict routine and my favorite -- lots of prayer. His anger probably has more to do with his frustration with negotiating his environment rather than unhappiness.