Help W/2yr Old

He knows you love him and the problem isn't that you leave to go to work everyday. The problem is that his grandmother isn't helping him develop independence and probably isn't providing the stimulation he needs. I have my son in a licensed in-home daycare where he spends time with kids his own age and has to nap on a mat and follow rules. He's learning valuable social skills that he can't get from spending his days with his grandmother.

E.

J.,

I have a two year old and, alas, this is what two year olds do. My husband and I both work and the kids are in daycare. At night if either my husband or myself leave the room, our son throws a fit. Last night I think he went back and forth between my husband's lap and my own more than 5 times. Switching sitters won't cure it, he will only change dependencies. I understand that you have to work, being a SAHM isn't an option for me either. But, if when you do get home, you try to make dinner, clean the house and all the other things that need to be done, you probably don't get to spend even an hour with him. The way my husband and I work it is, during the week we have dinner and then sit with the children, playing, reading books, doing puzzles. Even if the kids are entertaining themselves, we stay in the same room so if they want to come over and sit on our laps, they can. I try to make enough food on the weekends so we can have leftovers at least once during the week. I also freeze some meals so all I have to do is pull sauce out of the freezer and make pasta. We usually get the kitchen cleaned and after the kids go to bed we make their lunches and then it's off to sleep and we start all over again. On the weekends one of us cleans while the other one watches the kids. Summers are harder because we have a lot of yard to take care of too. Of course our house isn't the cleanest every day but I can tell the difference in our children and know that we are doing what really matters. My friends and I talk at work about not getting things done and the most commen thing is that our bathrooms don't get cleaned as often as we would like but... something has to give and it shouldn't be our time with our children.

Good luck!

C.

I don't know if it will help but maybe giving him a little keepsake of you to remind him of you while he is getting to sleep will help? I used to teach preschool and one 3 yr old had separation trouble from her mom. She solved it by creating a little locket that the little girl could open and close and look at her family while she was at school. Another thought is to take a familiar item (favorite shirt of yours?) that is soft and let that be his pajamas while he is sleeping at your mums. if it smells like you it might help him get to sleep.

good luck!

Well, I agree with those that are telling you that he is probably getting away with stuff at your MIL's who wouldn't want her???

About "HAVE TO work" -- I understand what you are saying - people have many "have to's" -- those with children HAVE TO raise them and do what is best for them - when they are young - the best thing might be to stay home - and teach them the morals/values and other things that YOU believe! It won't be long AT ALL that those little ones, that you all think need a sitter - really NEED YOU the most!

Do what you HAVE to to be a PARENT to your child/children for the little amount of time that they NEED YOU!

Have a garage sale - or sell something that you THINK you NEED - second/third vehicle or whatever - then maybe the NEED for THAT JOB won't be so pressuring!

Eat at home (much cheaper than ordering out all the time)

Think of what our parents/grandparents or their parents did! The moms RARELY HAD to work.

Stay warm on this wintery day (we are to get 2-4 inches of snow today!)

I am sure that he knows you and his daddy love him too, but I agree with the other response, that maybe he is getting away with too much at mawmaw's house. This might take some time for him to get used too, but it will pass. Just hang tough, and show him love.

I know it is tough, but it is a phase and he'll soon get past it. My daughter is with my mom all day and she hates to leave there at night. She loves and sees her all the time, so she doesn't want to go home with me some nights, which does hurt, but I know she knows I am her mommy and this will eventually pass. Try not to take it personally or get mad. You, as well as I, are really lucky to have family be able to take care of our children while we are gone..try to look at it that way. Try not to get angry, rather be thankful they have such a great relationship :)

As for Rose, some of us arent so lucky to not HAVE to work. Some of us are our child's ONLY provider, so if you see my ex running around out there, maybe you should mention your speech to him. It has NOTHING to do with extra cars or big houses, sometimes two incomes means food on the table and a gas bill being paid!

It sounds like Mawmaw does love him but maybe he gets away with more at her house.

It is probably just a phase. He loves you but is so used to being with her all day. My nephew was like that over Pop Pop. Until you are able to spend more quality time with him, it my be a difficult road.

Maybe you could have him spend a little less time over there. Say, once a week, he could stay with someone else you trust. This might help him form attatchments to other people that are strong.

I would be sure that your rules are enforced at her home so there is no discrepancy and no confusion for him.

Don't be afraid of being the "bad" guy in his eyes sometimes. As parents, we set the limits and expectations.

It also sounds like he is two. Time will change that. Good luck with him.

A.

Have you tried asking her what she does to get him to sleep? Maybe there is something he sleeps with at her house that makes him feel comfortable?

You could look at is like you would look at traveling with him. WHen I trvel with my girls I always bring their pillows and blankets with us. That way they have a little piece of home to make them feel more at ease.

I know that sounds bad considering that he is your son and it is HIS home, but there may be something special at your mother-in-laws house that he has become attatched to.

I would just ask her. Maybe it's as simple as a certain song.

Although if this is happening all the time and not just at night then I would say you have a very clever two year old. He has figured out the system and just may be trying to get the same treatment from mommy and daddy that a granparent would give. You know what I mean? They are a little nicer and can afford to spoil them a bit and be more lenient because it's their grandchild not their child. This special treatment combined with the leathal terrible two stage can pose quite a problem.

My cousin has the same problem. Her mother took care of all four of her kids while she and her husband worked. It's so bad sometimes that they don't want to even go home. They would and put up a fight until they are allowed to spend the night.

The problem? Her mom would make it worse by making her feel guilty saying (in that sorry little voice), "Awwww, just let him/her stay. You have to bring them back in the morning anyway." All the while stroking the hair of whatever child is having the fit.

Now two of the kids are in school full time so it's not so bad, and some gorund rules have been set with the other two. While the occassional fit still happens for the most part they are happy to go home.

I wouldn't send him to another sitter. You are very lucky that your mother-in-law is willing to do this for you. I would just find out just exactly what it is that she does for him and try it at home.

Not sure if any of this helped or not. Hope it all works out soon!

J.,
Why not call your MIL and have her talk to him on the phone and have her tell him she'll see him at his next visit. Even if he doesn't understand he'll hear her voice and might calm down. Good Luck!
C.

My heart goes out to you. Hang in there and this too shall pass.

Have you thought of a home based business? The earning potential is unlimited and they are much more flexible. Choose one whose products you really believe in. I personally have been a Mary Kay Consultant for the past 2 1/2years. The emphasis in my business is teaching women about skin care and makeup application. I had no previous professional experience with makeup application, but I love helping women find solutions to problems with their skin and a makeup look that makes them feel better about themselves. The support system is incredible and training can be done at your own pace. The starter kit is only $100 and includes $323 worth of full sized products.

You can give free facials and conduct skin care classes in your own home. Even when you do go to someone else's home you are only gone a couple of hours at the most and can earn as much as in a full day with a traditional job.

Best of luck whatever you do. L.

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not trying to recruit you. I'm a Sales Director for BeautiControl, so I speak from experience about home-based businesses. I had the same problem with my daughter when she was 3. I was making her a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, and she told me she didn't like jelly... and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. She never wanted me or my husband... just Grandma.
I decided to sign up to sell BeautiControl so I could stay home with her, and raise her myself.
I'm not saying that being a working mom is bad... it was just bad for ME.
I'm only saying this because you said you wish you could stay home... so here's how to do it.
Join a Direct Sales company. Seriously. I know you're thinking "I can't sell"... but it is a learned skill... just like being a mom. You learn as you go.
There are some great ones out there... look for the following things...
1. AT LEAST 50% commission
2. A usable product.. people will use it up and re-order when it's gone
3. Something you like.. do you cook? Scrapbook? like makeup? You won't be able to share it if you don't like it.
4. Your recruiter. Check them out... see how successful they are. They will make all the difference in how motivated you are, and what you learn
5. Training... make sure you are properly trained.
6. LOW COST to join. Your kit should be CHEAP!! And, your recruiter SHOULD NOT make money from you joining.

Hope this helps..
XOXOXO, B.