HELP Stealing from Friends in Kinder

Updated on January 09, 2012
S.O. asks from Worcester, MA
4 answers

My 5 year old has on a couple occasions taken things from friends in his kinder class. twice I found a pair of gloves in his back pack. The first time we returned them to the school right away and the second time I found them behind our couch... this just happened. Last week he took a juice box from another kid's lunch and brought it home in his lunch box. I asked him where it came from and he said with hesitation that he found it. he wrote a note saying he was sorry and gave the boy a new juice.
Am i dealing with jealousy? or something else? How do I manage this without making a spectical of him in front of his peers?

He is on a behavior chart for naughtly language and being nice already. We have talked at length about lying and stealing, but he still continues.
Really, we need some advice.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

The first thing I would do is implement a policy whereby you check his backpack every day before leaving school to be sure he doesn't have anyone else's stuff in there. Then, any time he has something you didn't give him, ask him where he got it and if his response is not plausible or it's "I found it" then immediately take the item away from him and make him show you where he found it. Also, when he took the other boy's gloves, he would have been made to look that child in the eye and verbally apologize - writing a note is a bit of a cop out. You may have to make a spectacle of him in front of his peers with the apologies, but I believe that that is the only way you will get his attention and give him the desire to stop taking things. I don't think this is jealousy as much as it is the thrill of stealing and seeing if he can get away from it. You need to nip it in the bud right now before he gets a reputation because I know that if I had heard that he stole, I would not allow him to come to my house for a playdate or birthday party or any other reason.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Mine used to take toys, like he didn't have enough already.
I picked mine up every day after school, and right then I checked his pockets and bookbag and had him empty them.
I didn't chastise him, just had him put the toys away and said they belonged at school, that we don't steal, things like that. The teacher was on to him too and would catch him at times.
I tried to make it no big thing. I was very matter of fact, but very consistent.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't think that it has any deep meaning of any kind -- he is only in kindergarten. I think checking his backpack every day before he leaves is a good idea, and having him promptly return things. Don't demonize him, just keep reminding him these are not his things and he can't take things that belong to other people.

Returning and sorry are fine for now. I don't think you need apology notes or long lectures. If he's still stealing when he's 7, post this question again.

2 moms found this helpful

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

A agree with Cheryl B, and suggest you implement a "harsher" discipline" ~ if he lies or steals something he loses something of his for 3 days, and start with his favorite toy.

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