HELP: Sound to My Ears(wawa)

A great book to read (And it's on DVD!!) is "The Happiest Toddler On the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. If you don't have tiime to read, the DVD is great. He shows you his method and really helps in understanding how he communicates. It is the BEST thing out there and great to apply to adults!

My little girl is just about the same age and she to is doing the wining and let me say it is just somthing they do my girl talks up a storm. all I do is say you are not going to get what you want tell you talk to me and ask My I have Please. It is working but it was like she was two and a terrer and now shes 3 and a wining monster just something they go through. it is a part of growing. just try to tech copping skills. If he talks as well as you say then he will pick up on it fast.
Have fun
take a min and count to 10
A.

when my son would whine, i would say i am sorry but i cant understand you. he would try to say it whiny a few more times and i would just keep telling him that i dont understand when he whines. so he would be forced to talk to me normal or stop complaining all together.

I have seen this behavior in friends of mine and I liked the way that they handled the problem. If their son did not use his words, he did not get any attention. If he was becoming incredibly disruptive of the people around him, one of them would take him to the car and set him inside and shut the door. They would not sit in there with him, but stand outside the car and check in on him after a few minutes. This is, of course, after explaining to him that his behavior was unacceptable and if he cannot behave everyone was going home.

After a short time, their son realized that it is not OK to cry to get what he wants (mainly their attention) and that he would get their attention only for his good behavior. It was tough for them! It is much harder to remember to "catch him being good" than to catch him doing bad.

As for his relationship with your younger son, maybe you could try to set aside time each day for the two of them. Brother time. He could learn to "read" picture books and identify objects in the books to your youngest and help to teach him all the things that he knows. They could both sit with you, but he could "read" to the younger one and tell the story or point out the various objects he can identify.

Hope this helps!
M. M.

Dear Erika,

I know, that whining is wearing, isn't it? I still remember the whining days with my children and they are grown up now.

I think that it may have to do with two things. His age, for one, and probably he is feeling a little insecure because of the baby. I know that those 8 month olds are the cutest in the world. So he can't help but love him, and also feel a bit like he wasn't ready to share Mom and Dad.

It's o.k., you are doing all of the right things and if you stop paying attention to it, he will eventually stop. Don't say one word or react in any way when he whines, but find something to take his mind off the object of the whining. If that doesn't work, then walk away, but not too far away. You want to know what he is going to do next.

I notice that as I get older, I whine some too, I think that it is because I have been through so much in my life that I am tired out. So those are two different reasons for whining at opposite stages of life. I never have gotten my way when I whine, so I am trying to stop. You never get too old to make yourself a better person. I always say that on the last day of my life, I will make a huge mistake and I will learn something new. Life is a wonderment.

I am so glad that you have two boys, they will be the best of friends in later life and support each other like no other person can.
Sincerely, C. N.

I have the same problem at times with my little girl who will be turning three. I wish I had the solutions that worked consistently. Sometimes, I ask her to go to her room, or let her cry, time out, distract her with another activity. When she looses it though, nothing works until she lets it all out.

Oh, I know your pain & frustration! At about this same age our son (now 6) started whining quite a bit & it drove us bonkers! To make it worse, he was a loud kid! UGH! Like your son, ours was articulate & very verbal so it was so frustrating to hear the whining instead of talking. So here's what we did & maybe it will help you, too. My husband & I are big on praising the positve. So, whenever he talked in a nice boy voice we praised him. Lavished him w/praise, made a bid deal about it. No matter where you are, lay it on thick. I know you said he only does it in public but praising him in all situations will hopefully encourage it all the time. Your son is also at a good age for a reward/star chart. We did this & have done so on & off since then. Whenever our son acted in the desired manner, we gave him a star & once he got the agreed-upon amount, he got a reward. What has most recently helped is this great book we read called 'One, Two Three Magic,' by Thomas W. Phelan. It also came w/a DVD. Basically, the theory is you give your kid to the count of 3 to act the way you want or there's a consequence. Our son was old enough, as yours might be, so we explained our new plan to him & then set it in motion. So, for example, Nic (our son) would do something wrong, we'd look him in the eye & give him one. Another incident was 2 & then a 3rd was immediate punishment. Usually time out for him. The book also says to not discuss the reasons for the counting at the time of counting or discuss why he got a punishment. Felt that it gives more attention to the negative. Basially, do the time & move on. The counting doesn't all have to be for the same issue & can be spread out. But, we changed it a bit in that if it had been a while since a count, we reminded him he already had 1 or 2 & that there would be a consequence if we got to 3. The hope is that the kid will self-correct & you don't have to get to 3. The consequence has to be the hardest part cuz there's the fallout to the punishment & the fact that others may end up getting punished as well, say, if the consequence is to not get an activity or to have to leave something. But, just be kind but firm, consistent & follow through cuz if you waiver at all or aren't consistent, that smart little guy of yours will pick up on it & run w/it. Hope this helps & things take a turn for the positive & quiet!

Were your son and my daughter seperated at birth? I have a 4 year old who will do the same thing. The past 2 mornings have been HELL!
When I go out and my daughter starts to "act up", we stop what we are doing. I take her outside and tell her we need to finish our shopping then we will go home. Once she's calmed down, we go back in. Other times I think she just needs a nap so I will put her down for one.
Maybe too mush is going on when you go out and its overstimulating him? Are you usually rushuing when you go places? Maybe try going at a slower pace to ease him into your outing. Or try giving him a ziplock bag with snacks. Maybe he's hungry and its making him cranky.
Hopefully one of these suggestions work. :)

Could it be that your child is getting overwhelmed in public? Too much noise, action...too many people, maybe.
I have two children and they both tend to act out in public when there is too much going on.

It's amazing your life sounds almost exactly like mine. I have 2 boys a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 month old. My 2 1/2 year old, similar to your older boy, talks a lot and seems very happy. However he is very tantrum prone, mostly in public. The pitch is so high and the sound is so loud that it's hard to ignore. One time he had a tantrum for 20 min in the middle of the mall. I know you've tried the time-outs, and that they in themselves are a chore, but they work. I don't know how you structure your's, but mine are very consistant and involve a lot of communication. He must be removed from the situation, first and foremost. I then tell him he's in timeout for 2 minutes up to 5 when necessary, then I leave his eye sight. In public, this is not possible, so I place him on a bench or chair tell him he's in timeout for however long and then ignore him and refuse to make eye contact. At this point he gets louder, but generally calms down within a few seconds. We finish our timeout and I sit down to talk to him. It's very important to make eye contact and ask him questions based on his behavior. When he acts up with dad, I make sure that timeouts are treated the same way. Now the threat of a timeout will quiet him down, most of the time. It can be very physically demanding and time consuming, but after a couple of times he understands and it becomes easier.

How is he at napping? Is he getting enough sleep?