Yesterday were were at our daughters gym class. My daughter, who is three, was running up and down the trampoline with a boy who was a little younger than she is. The boy would run at his mom (who I usually talk to during class) and she would pick him up and swing him around, then put him back down. Next thing you know, my daughter is running at the woman, and holds her arms out to be picked up and swung around. I should mention my daughter is NOT shy at all. Before I could stop her (my daughter)the lady laughed and picked her up, swung her around and put her back down. I apologized, and the lady said it wasn't a problem, and that my daughter was SO sweet. So, they did a few rounds of this, her son going first, then my daughter. Finally, I told my daughter to stop, that was enough. I didn't want her to be a pest.
Here's the debate. My husband says that I should have left it alone, they were having fun. I say that, while playing with someone else's kid is fun, that after several repetitions, the kid becomes a bother. He says if the lady was done, she would have said so. I say that most people are too nice to say, "It's time to stop." Especially to the little guys. What do you think? Was I right to stop the playing or should I have let it continue.
I will say that, I was right there the whole time, and the woman didn't seem to mind at all. Trust me I was watching closely for the "Ok kid, that's enough" face. :)
I want to add: After the first time she did it, I tried to step in and be the one who swung her around, but she wanted the other woman to do it. That's why I just stopped her completely, it was the other woman or nothing, so she got nothing.
Gamma: I call it a "class" but really there isn't any structure just a bunch of kids running around playing. The structure class starts at 4.
A few times is okay...but then I would have stepped up to swing my own child around so the other mother did not feel put upon.
Actually I think you were right stopping her. I don't mind playing with someone else's child for a little while, but after a few minutes I'm looking for the mom to say enough so I don't have to be the one to say it.
I would have done the same thing you did. I can see your husband's point and he might be right in this case. But like you I am always conscious of my son and how his behavior might be affecting other people. Like in a restaurant, if another diner is playing peekaboo with him over the booth, I let them play for about five minutes then redirect him if he keeps peeking over.
I would have done the same thing. Because little kids, if they like something, or they find it fun, will always want more, and want to do it over and over and over. I know, because my daughter is the same way. I am forever telling her, "OK, last time and that's it." because otherwise there will be no end. I too am very aware of how her behavior can affect others and I am trying to teach that to her as well. I would be hard for me to say no more to someone else's child and I figure it's their parent's job to step in and say enough is enough so I don't look like the bad guy. You did fine.
I agree with you Mom. I am one that gets annoyed with other peoples children from time to time, but I would never want to hurt the childs feeling, causing me to sometimes go secretly crazy! If the other mother would have insisted that it wasnt a problem, i would have maybe stood by her and directed my daughter to come towards me.
I play rough with kids, like swinging and the like. So long as I don't get the Oh My God!! you are going to pull out their arms look I will play until I am bored with it. Generally I will tell my own child, mom needs a break and hope anyone else playing gets the idea. If not I have no problem telling other kids I have had enough. Once in a blue moon I will get some attention starved kid that won't stop jumping on me, they tend to have the mom that doesn't care that their kid is annoying me, go figure.
If they are adults they know they can tell the child.. "Ok, I am getting tired. Thia will be the last time.."
Or "Ooo, you need to ask your mom if I can swing you.".. If the parent is worried.
Or you can say, "honey, this mom needs a rest. Let me swing you 2 times and then we are done." And thank the other mom..
Communication is good. It shows your daughter how to handle these situations. Speak with her about not over staying our welcome or taking advantage of other peoples kindness. Yes, even young children can understand this.
I think the woman was fine with it and if she got to the point that she was 'done' she would have been able to express that to two toddlers.
I've been known to entertain kids of friends, take then for a nature walk around the soccer fields, etc. when the parents were otherwise busy or needing a break. You know her/she knows you. Not a big deal, IMO.
So....I guess I'm with your husband on this O..
I agree with you husband. People who are comfortable enough to play with another person's child in this way are comfortable enough to set the limit when they are through. If you were unsure, you could have said something like and with a light tone, "She loves that game...She'll have you swinging her all day if you'll do it, Feel free to let her know when you're through." or say to your daughter... " You're going to wear Susan's arms out, you little monkey! I'll swing you 2 more times and then we're all done."
I think it's our job as Moms to make sure our kids aren't bothering other Moms. You were 100% right. Men would never figure this out - it's not in their handbook.
I would have done what you did and put an end to it after I felt she had pestered her enough!
I vote for your mothers intuition on this one. I wouldn't say no to a child, but I might suddenly remember something I needed from the other room or need to use the restroom. I would much rather mom pull the plug before I get put in that akward situation.
In my opinion this is the main reason parents are not allowed in the building in most dance and gym type classes. I understand where you were coming from completely. This wasn't really something to be doing in a business where classes were going on.
I do how every agree with hubby. If she had had enough she would have sat down, turned her back and shown herself unavailable to the kiddo's. She would have let them know in several different non verbal and even verbal ways that she was unavailable.
I think she sounds like a nice mom that is a quality kind of person. Talk with kiddo about boundaries and how she needs to stay in her class and off the equipment without a teacher. That when she is supposed to be in class she needs to be a role model to the younger kids so she can help them learn how to stay in line and take turns.
Sometimes planting the "be a helper and teacher/role model" is a good deterrent to playing during class instead of "You get back over there and mind the teacher", that's more my style...I have to work on saying things in a more positive way to get the same results.
I would of said the same thing and if the lady said, in response, "Oh, it's no bother". I would of left it alone then, and would of left it to her to say "ok, that's enough"...Don't worry about it, always go with your gut...Hubs doesn't know because he'll probably never be in that situation, lol.....There is so much more to deal with, on a social aspect, as a female, well, at least that's how I feel..lol....:)
I would have done the same thing as you and Michelle. You are also teaching your kiddo about boundaries and not "wearing out your visit." :)
I think both of you were right depending on who is the person.
Some of my friends would actually get upset because I stop my daughter (not the younger one who is super shy but my oldest) but in other cases I could tell the other parent was just trying to be nice.
I think the closest you are to the other parent the easier is to decide since we know more about the other parent boundaries.
However I give you a extra point to your side since I think is always polite to give the other parent a way out.
You are right. She was being nice. It probly hurt her arms. But she was to nice to say it. She is used to one kid, but two kids is to much.
I play with kids until I get bored or tired, and then send them on their way.
That's learned, though. Via years and years of being the parent on the playground with a gazillion kids pouring over me (I was usually mistaken for the nanny. Got some good offers from time to time). Before I'd learned to laugh and wave them off, I'd play till I was exhausted. I had to learn how to wade in and wade right back OUT.
I think you were right, however. You were the one there, you were the one who was judging the minute details of the situation, and you did what you felt was right and were being polite!!!
I agree with you and cheryl. I would of told her to stop too. It was nice of the lady to do it a few times and even if it didn't bother her, a couple times is good. We went to chuck e cheese last week and my daughter was playing some games with a little boy there. I didn't know the child but they were playing well together. Ill always try to be helpful and so forth but this boy would not go away!! He brought me his drink cup and I was carrying it for him and my own daughter doesn't do that! We eat then play. Its not like it was hurting me and I didn't mind but I started thinking where's your mom!! So I think you did the same thing I would of done!
I'd have left it alone for a while and then got my daughter into s9omething else to give the mom a break..
I think you are right & he is wrong. No one is going to come out & say they're getting annoyed with your kid, to your face. Not to mention, not everyone likes interacting for an extended amount of time with other people's kids, me included.
I most likely would've jumped in & played the same game with my daughter, honestly. I figure if I'm there, why not?
You did just fine, & I probably would have done what you did - allowed for a little but not overwhelmed the other mother with my kid. Dad would have been fine too (I notice in the pool that a dad will start tossing a kid, then all the kids join in - that dad eventually tires & says he needs a break & everyone's fine with it). Moms & dads handle things differently. No right or wrong answer, I think, just mom's way & dad's way. :)
