Im a 30 year old single - hard working mom. Letting go of my babys' father has been really hard for me specially when the only family I had actually was his family. I am alone in this city all my family is back home in a very far country and the only family I had was my father which recently moved to another state. Now since my baby's dad has changed with me completely so has his family as if they have turned their back on me too. I feel really lonely at times, without energy, without wanting to do anything at all. I feel like a terrible mother for feeling like this because sometimes my sons sees me crying and I feel I am transmitting this sadness to him. How do you cope with the fear of being alone without any support at all from any family, how do you let go of the only family you had that really was never yours to begin with? Are there any other moms going thru this? What can I do to feel less drained, tired, sad, dissapointed, how do I get rid of this fear? Any Advice would help. ...thank you for your time.
I would like to thank all of you for your advice and for keeping me in your prayers. It worked, at this point in my life only a month later, I feel as a whole different person. GOD has placed an angel in my life. I am currently seeing a very wonderful man! He is an awesome human being, everyday he reminds me what a wonderful and beutiful woman I am and how much I am worth. He has taken alot of that aweful pain I was going thru, he cares not only for me but my son also. He playes with him, makes sure he is fed, anything missing at home that my son needed ex. diapers, milk, even butter to make him macaroni and cheese he would go out and get it,,,he pays so much attention to little things, makes me so happy, he takes care of me. I thank GOD so much for hearing my prayers and all of yours he has finally brought peace into my life and guess what! My ex- baby's daddy now wants to come back in the picture, he found out I was dating someone and saw the incredible change in me and that I was no longer suffering for him and he has the nerve to come tell me how much he missed me and still loved me and wanted his family back. I still remember the last time I asked him for us to work things out and you know what he said? I need a break. I guess he really didnt mean it huh? that was a short break but tough for him, its too late, from that moment that last time he turned me down, I knew I had to let him go, and I did, never called him again never mentioned it again to him but many nights I cried and waited and hoped he would come back, but he was to busy seeking other options...when I found out, I knew it was time to move on, If he gave himself a chance to love and be loved but someone else that wasnt me, why couldnt I? Even his mother told me he was seeing someone but I didnt say anything I ate it all up, I felt so dumb bcuz I was waiting on him, but the day came, not even planning it, like I said GOD put an angel in my life, and I think him so much because now I know what it is to really be loved, what I had with my ex was infatuation, he didnt love me, Im not saying this guy doese but wow, the attention he gives me, the dedication is nothing like what I had with my ex. Thank you again for all your advice. It really helped
join a moms group like mine... were do you live? we are on the southwest area. the web site is www.meetup.com.
get uot of the house more often would help a lot
Hold on to God's unchanging hand! Find a faith based church and attend on a regular basis.
Start by getting out of the house!! If your boys are in activites, talk to the other mothers there, get out and do some things for yourself, an exercise class, play groups, etc. Good Luck!!
Dear Y. N,
I have had some similar experiences, and it sounds like you may be experiencing depression. Most people these days, find a doctor and get on some type of anti-depression drug. Having been through 2 very serious depressions myself, I believe that is only treating the symptoms and not the underlying reasons. My suggestion would be to first, recognize that life is ever-changing, and this rough patch in your life is NOT going to last forever. And second, FORCE yourself to do something to change your outlook. For me, it was going on a long car trip by myself. When you have to let go of people in your life, it can be extremely traumatic. To counter-balance that, I've always found it helpful to remember my own abilities, strengths and independence. Traveling alone is sometimes scary, sometimes challenging, but also exciting, invigorating, renewing, and you have tons of time to just think. I recently took a long car trip with just my two kids, and it was the same kind of positive experience, even though I haven't suffered from depression for many years.
Of course, counseling can help, and there are many churches and low-cost organizations that can offer you assistance, friendship, and services. I would suggest calling a local church you feel comfortable with, and asking for a single mom's group, or other appropriate group. If you explain your situation, I imagine they would bend over backward for you.
About your son - God made these children so resilient. And forgiving. Thank goodness! None of us are perfect - even the ones who appear to be. We all mess up, yell too loud, have freak-out moments, accidentally cuss when our kids are around - but sometimes you just have to let go of those worries. You are only human - like the rest of us. Your son will be stronger, seeing you go through this, recover, and continue loving him and being there for him through it all.
God bless,
M.
Have you thought of couseling? I know my counselor was giving classes on being single parents/separated parents. You could probably look through a church to find groups who are going through divorce. I know there is a church on the north side of houston, off of 1960, advertising bereavement and divorce groups. It's hard and it's ok for your son to see you crying, it's ok for him to see you sad and for you to tell him you're sad.
Dear Y.,
I am sending a big hug to you. I have been through the pain of my first husband stepping out on our marriage, though we had no children - so I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. It is hard to feel abandoned and isolated. Have you considered finding a loving church to surround you and support you? My experience was so difficult, but so wonderful in that it brought me closer to God - made me realize that my real loneliness was due to needing Him above all else. I can't even begin to explain the true joy in my life now. I have a beautiful family, but even without that, I learned that my true joy is found in Him alone. I pray that He will send the right people to you during this sad time.
Blessings,
R.
Supporting you as you nurture your family.
www.NurturedFamily.com
If you give me your mailing address, I can send you something to read and comfort you.
-B.
Hi Y.. For most of my life after losing my mother at a very young age and countless other loved ones, I can truly relate to what you are going through. I don't have all of the answers but I can tell you from experience that our Lord and Savior Jesus is the ONLY answer to your problems. You don't have to go through life feeling empty. You don't have to constantly worry about everything. You don't have to be alone. You don't have to feel unloved. You don't have to have sleepness nights. Why not? Because you have someone who cares about you and loves you more than you could ever imagine. He understands totally and completely what you are going through because he himself has experienced sorry and despair. He promises to never leave you nor forsake you. HIS NAME IS JESUS. Just call out to him and he will show up and not only give you peace, joy, strength and hope unlike you have never had before, but your precious son as well. He did it for me and he will do it for you. I GUARANTEE IT!
Please know that you and your son are in my prayers.
Dear Y.,
I can imagine what are you going through because I know how it is to feel lonely in the new place. I came to Houston from Europe few months ago with my husband & our little son (this is actually very long story). I'm a full time "stay at home" mom and my husband is all the time in work so we don't see eachother much. Before I used to be very active person and always had a lot of friends and family around. Well, now everything changed. I don't know here anybody (except few members of my husbands family but they are always busy and don't have much contact) and now my son is 13 months old and I want so desperately go to some work, otherwise I feel like I'm gonna get crazy being alone any longer...
Anyway, I had few bad periods here and survived this time just by thinking of my baby and the better future- which will come one day for sure!!! You can't loose your optimism and try to find some entertinment for yourself even once for a while! That usualy help... Wish you luck and believe in you!!!!
