Help - Potty Training Problem!!

Oh please don't punish him. He is only 3. Go over and give him a hug and tell him it's O.K.

I agree with SH, verbatim.

1) at this age, they "think" they can hold their bladder longer... but cannot. They don't know that. Hence, they have accidents. Common. In my kids too. Even my daughter's Teachers, said that.
Kids this age, simply DO NOT have, succinct deductive ability or processes. Not like adults.

2) Night-Time dryness... is NOT something attained, BIOLOGICALLY, until even 7 years old. It is about brain/bladder/organ development. Not the child. So, at nap times and bedtime, a diaper is still used. No biggie. A child does not get 'confused.' My son does not. My daughter did not. They simply know that at night time, they need one because their body still is not developed yet. I explain to them.

"Punishing" to me, is not needed.
That is not going to make him/his bladder & Brain, get any better at it.

Your son, seems normal to me.
He is only 4.

Put it this way, just the other day, a kid in Kindergarten at my daughter's school had an accident. This happens.
The Teachers (I know because I asked them), ALL said, that at Preschool/Kindergarten and even 1st Grade, they have accidents. It is childhood. THUS, the Teachers ask the parent to bring in extra clothing for their child, to keep at school. Even the Health Room at my daughter's school, has lots of extra clothing and clean underwear, for the kids that may have accidents at school.
AND kids even have accidents on field-trips.

I agree with S.H.
My 8 yo still needs to be reminded occasionally to "go pee".
("Go pee" is my personal mantra. I'll bet I say it 25 times per day.)
He, too, will say 'I don't have to' or 'I went at school last period" but when he goes--HE REALLY GOES!
I think sometimes it's just about taking the time to do it, not thinking abut it, then your son might have severe urgency & hence, the accidents.
S.H. is right about nighttime dryness-it's biological physiology--not "training" at all.

It's really common for kids to be so involved in what they're doing that it's just too, too hard to pull themselves away for a potty break. This is still the case with my 5yo grandson, and I remember it with my daughter, almost 40 years ago.

Night dryness just takes whatever time it takes. He has no more control over "making" himself hold it or waking up to pee than an adult has. It's something he'll grow into, and for some kids, that doesn't happen until they're 7 or 8, or even or older.

I see two possible ways to deal with this. The completely positive and playful way is to make the potty break fun, and even though it takes you away from what YOU'RE doing, it's a far better option than having to clean up potty accidents.

With my 5yo grandson, who still is prone to wait until he's ready to burst, I tell him I'll race him to the bathroom, and if I get there first he'll have to let me play with the toy he's playing with. We also have a game where I tell him I'll go clear all the dinosaurs out of the bathroom so he'll have room to squeeze in. He can't resist helping me with the dinosaurs, including the baby ones sitting all over the toilet seat. We go have a vigorous wrestling match with the beasts, he takes a pee, and gets back to his previous game.

A slightly more coercive, but still essentially positive, approach is to be sure that cleaning him up after an accident takes awhile. Be calm (anger could signal him that he's getting attention, which he may unconsciously want), but slowly wash him off, get him to put on dry pants, and teach him how to mop up puddles or rinse out his wet pants and put them in the laundry room. Give him as much of the responsibility as possible, and point out cheerfully that all this effort could have been avoided if he'd taken a minute to use the toilet.

If you just tell/remind him to stop what he's doing to go pee, but it's just a verbal command from you so you don't have to stop what you're doing, he's going to have a sense of "Do what mommy says, not what mommy does." This seldom works well, and over time, multiple messages like this will bite you in the hinder parts.

The more positively we are engaged in our little's lives, the less likely they will be to seek negative attention. Be sure to notice with a positive (not over the moon) comment when he does things that please you. He will work to make more of those positive moments possible.

You could go with Dr. Phil- he said to make them sit in time out in their wet clothes. Although, some kids don't care.

I would just keep gently reminding him because he will grow out of it. He's not even 4 yet. Give it a few months, some accidents are to be expected at this age.

All suggestions below are great, the only othera I can add are telling your son that "you'll wait for him" and "no one will playing anything or do anything until he returns". If he is watching a video or something on the TIVO/DVR, tell him you will pause it and he can watch it when he returns. Accidents are very common, even thru age 5 and 6. My almost 6 yo son still has nigth time accidents about once a month. I bought a sheet cover (http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...) to place on top of the sheet for quick removal when he wakes up wet at 2 or 3 am. As stated below kids like to test and challenge and see how much control they have, so try not to get too upset. I recognize that this can be very frustrating for you, but like any other phase in life it will pass. Good luck.

If he's saying that he likes to go in his underpants and is doing it on purpose, then punishment is appropriate. He doesn't want to go to time out? So what? Who does? Punishment is not meant to be fun. I'd have tagged on extra time for ignoring your direction. A kid who tells you he is doing it on purpose doesn't have a medical issue and you don't need to feel bad about disciplining.

J.,
Leave him be. Don't ask him. Don't tell him. Just leave him be for a few days, and let him figure it out.

Offer him a diaper (I know this is counter-intuitive, but you'll see how it works) without any emotion attached. Simply hold one out - all unfolded and ready to go. If he takes it, he takes it.

my son is 3. He started 'potty training' in earnest when my Dad told him he DIDN"t have to go. sometiems he went, sometimes he didn't. he decided to pee in potty first, then made the connection in his head, himself, for poo.

sometimes he decidedhe wanted a diaper. I didn't fuss about it. I didn't try to control it.

He would say 'my bodytold me I had to ___'.

And I thought I would have a heart attack when my husband taught him to pee standing. but it has saved my germ hating heart an attack or two when we've beenout at a store. And things are not so clean at most stores. : (

Don't time him out. Don't do anything you don't ahve done to you if you miss the potty. This is the one thing I believe children should be given the same respect as adults in. And every time I've seen it go the other way - it's been crazy. and awful for the child. I just loook at my sister, and think, how she might be different.

good luck,
M.

How about trying a gentle reminder: When you need to use the bathroom, just go and use it. It gives him choice and control. I didn't believe it could work for my son, but it did. Just think about how little choice and control kids have.
You could also make it more interesting by using the toilet sign, thumb between your first 2 fingers and a little shake. It can be a "secret sign".
Good luck!