Help Please - Bryan, TX

as a wife of an active duty soldier, i can honestly say i know what you're going through. we have been lucky enough to never have to go through a deployment yet, but my husband is currently training in georgia. he left sept. 20th and will be back around valentine's day. we just got to see him over christmas, but i think that was almost harder on the kids, having to say good-bye again. my oldest is 3 1/2 and she too stopped sleeping well right after he left the first time. so here's some things i've done, maybe they will help you too:
-keep the same routine, discipline, meal schedule, etc. i think it helps that everything is "normal" except daddy not being here (when my daughter would wake up all night long, i'd just go in and comfort her and then tell her to stay in bed and try to go back to sleep. it took probably a week for her to get back to sleeping normally)
-try to view the separation as a challenge...i broke down before my hubby left, thinking "how can i take care of 2 kids, 2 dogs, a cat, a house, the yard, the car, the bills...all by myself?" so i challenged myself to do the best i could, and i ended up surprising myself with how much i could handle. i feel so much more confident about what i'm capable of! i CAN run errands with 2 kids, i CAN manage 2 kids at the grocery store while juggling a list and coupons, i CAN take care of the yard (maybe not as well as my hubby, but good enough!)
-BUT leave yourself room for failure!!! it's ok if you want to just lay around in your pj's watching movies all day and don't do any housework and don't play with the kids as much as you should and eat fast food...you can't expect to do everything perfectly! and don't forget to take time for yourself whenever you can! when the kids are finally in bed, don't just clean the whole house, make sure you kick your feet up, watch some uninterrupted tv, eat a whole pint of ice cream, take a bubble bath, and go to bed early!

i hope this has helped...if you ever want to talk or vent or whatever, just message me...i can give you my yahoo IM or myspace url if you want too. i will actually be moving to killeen in march when my hubby gets back so i won't be too far away from you =) hang in there! i promise it will get easier!
oh and if you haven't done it already, making a paper chain can really help little kids understand how long daddy will be gone, and your daughter will get excited when she gets to take a link off every day

My husband travels for weeks at a time; I have twin 4 yr olds and twin 17 mo olds. I do get help in the evenings until about 9 or 10 so that we can stay on the same schedule. But my girls are very upset that Daddiy is gone and they usually wake themselves about 2 hours after they go to sleep in their beds; sometimes I only make it about 15 minutes. I have a bed made up for them right next to mine and pretend that I expected them to come, and I invite them to stay with me so that they can "help me" with the babies. If they have trouble sleeping, and/or if the babies are awake, I sometimes let them watch a little TV show that they enjoy for about 15 or 20 minutes, then they settle down and go to sleep. You may not like giving in and having them sleep with you, but my view is tht their world is upside down and I understand the need for comfort. For the boys, I have my trusty rocking chairs. Give them some tylenol before they go to sleep if their molars are coming in. And look for a good mother's day out for a few hours of sanity, or perhaps you can find a teenager in the neighborhood that can be a "mother's helper." The teenager could watch the children for a couple of hours a day so you can get some things done. Good luck.

I am so sorry that you're going through this. It's hard when you don't have family to help you. Try to find a mother's day out program at a church or something and use that time for yourself. Good luck!

I know what you are going through! I am a single mother of 2 yr old twin boys and it is very hard for me to find time for myself. I do not know if you have a YMCA close to you or not but it could be a good thing for you. They have day cares that you could put your children into while you go and do a few things. The cost of the daycare also includes a gym membership. You could get in some exercise that could help bring down your stress level and they also have fun things that you and the kids could do together. You should look into it. I dont know where you live either but if you are close to Stephenville I would be happy to watch the kids so you could get out. Or get some sleep.

My husband is also active duty and has deployed. I know how difficult it is as a wife and mom, and it can feel so lonely. I'm sorry that your in-laws are being the way that they are. I know what it is like to be in a new community where you don't know people, but there is help out there if you know where to look. Have you looked into any of the services that the Family Support Center has to offer? Another great resource is the spouses of people in your husband's unit who have deployed. I know that they know what you are going through and can lend a sympathetic ear. Maybe you guys can get together with or without your kids and you will make some good friends. I find that military spouses can be such a good support system. We all need people to depend on, and many of us are stationed far from family and friends. I don't want to think of what things would've been like when my husband has deployed if I hadn't had my military family to lean on. As for the sleep problems with your children, it sounds like you have a lot of good advice here. They need time to adjust, and you just need to do your best to be there for them. Let the house and things that are not totally necessary go, and if you have a minute for yourself, you need to take it. Please feel free to e-mail me back. Good luck and God Bless you!!!

I am sorry for your situation. It is hard to not get a break. I don't have any family to help me either, so I understand how you feel. Perhaps speaking to your 4/12 old daughter would help. She probably sees you staying awake with the younger baby and doesn't want to be left out. Try to reinforce your night time ritual, and try to keep them on schedule. I hate to say it, but you just might have to be tough and let them cry a little until they understand that it is time to go to bed. I do not know where you live, but I would be willing to help you if you just need some time to grocery shop etc.Please email me privately. I have a 15 month old son as well. Also, perhaps you could look into a "mom's morning out" program with daycares. Basically they are set up to giver you 3 hours free to do what you need to and it is a lot less expensive than daycare.Please email me privately. I have a 15 month old son as well. Take care and my hat off to you.