Help! One Year Old's Temper Tantrums...

Updated on May 20, 2008
R.J. asks from Burlington, VT
6 answers

Ladies,

I've heard about temper tantrums in the terrible twos, but does anyone have any advice about a ONE year old throwing tantrums?! My lovely baby girl just turned one year old on May 8th and I hate to say it, but she is becoming such a beast to deal with these days. Nothing in her diet or routine has changed. Care providers haven't changed. Sleep habits haven't changed. She's been walking for two months now, so I don't think it's a big milestone that's frustrating her. I've checked the teeth and looked for other physical reasons that could have her on the edge & can't find anything. The smallest thing can set her off too, like telling her not to play with the trash can or our cat's food & water. Telling her "no" for any reason and/or not giving her something she wants results in a 15-20 minute long tirade of kicking, screaming, swatting and waving her hands, rolling back and forth, and throwing herself backwards onto the floor (and thereby hitting her head in the process, which terrifies me). Giving her attention doesn't work, but getting up and walking away seems to until she calms herself down. It seems like a no-brainer to ignore the behavior if that's what works, however, I don't want her to feel abandoned or like I don't care about her desires or needs by walking away from her all the time. At this young age, is walking away or not indulging them an appropriate response to a tantrum? She's a very, very, bright child with a strong will & sense of independence already. Any advice is much appreciated.

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L.L.

answers from Hartford on

I've seen this very behavior this afternoon. The child stopped doing this when he didn't get the response he wanted. My son did this until he was 3, so good luck! It's a hard time but they need to know the word 'NO' and that 'No' is final.It's easier to give in to quiet them but this makes it take longer to teach them about behavior..The quicker they get this the faster this will stop. For the next few weeks, however, have aspirin around lol..you'll need it.

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B.G.

answers from Barnstable on

Hello,

I have a 16 mo little girl. She has and still is going through that phase. What I do is - I acknowledge her anger, try to figure out what is frustrating her and then speak to her calmly and let her know this isnt the way to behave (even though she doesnt understand this - I figure if I keep saying it that one day when she does understand - it will stop... maybe). Then I try to redirect her. We move on to another toy or sit down and read a book calmly and then I go back to whatever I was doing and she is once again happy.

If giving her space helps calm her down though, I would back up... wait until she is calm again and then redirect her. You arent necessarily neglecting her feelings if you are giving her the space that she needs to compose herself once again (she sounds so smart!). I wouldnt suggest walking away though. She could really hurt herself and if yo are not in the area to protect her it could get worse.

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J.S.

answers from Springfield on

It's very normal ;)

She's still way too young to 'leave' though. She's just a baby, and she needs your calm, comforting presence to help her learn how to control her own scary emotions. You don't have to force physical contact, but do keep yourself physically available, while speaking in low, soothing tones :).

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E.O.

answers from Lewiston on

In a firm but quiet voice, say, "No, we don't scream or throw ourselves on the ground." If she doesn't calm down, walk away (unless you're in a public place). When she realizes you won't talk to her while she's behaving this way, she'll realize that tantrums don't work. As long as you addreess the fact that why you are leaving the room, she won't feel abandoned, she'll realize you are leaving the room until she calms down. She will eventually realize that her tantrums don't work.

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L.P.

answers from Boston on

I think she's just advanced for her age!

I would stay with her, maybe if it's practical to try and distract her - or move her into a different environment? Outside is a last resort for us but I'm only working with tired grumpiness so far... Good luck!

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B.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi R.,

I agree with Elizabeth. In a firm but quiet voice, say, "No, we don't scream or throw ourselves on the ground." If she doesn't calm down, walk away (unless you're in a public place). When she realizes you won't talk to her while she's behaving this way, she'll realize that tantrums don't work. As long as you addreess the fact that why you are leaving the room, she won't feel abandoned, she'll realize you are leaving the room until she calms down. She will eventually realize that her tantrums don't work.

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