Help on Step Parenting....

K.,

I'm not a step parent.

I'm about to marry my fiance, we have a 7 mnth old son together and I have a daughter(3) from a previous marriage, as well, I have a stepmom who married my father when I was 3.

Explain to the kids, before you get married, that you are NOT trying to replace their mother, but that you love them and their father and want to be a part of their lives. Tell them that you will treat them fairly and you'll not favor your youngest over them, just because they come from another mommy.

When it comes to discipline, you're gonna have a hard time. You may hear(may not be now, since they are so young but later on)"you're not my real mom so I don't have to listen to you". That's when you let your soon-to-be step in and let them know immeadiately that you are their step-mom and they need to respect you as much as they respect him. Just like you will have to do later in life with your little girl if and when she finds out that your soon-to-be isn't her biological father.

There's will be rocks along the road, but there will also be alot of happy times and memories that you can look back on in life. My step-mom and I never quite saw eye-to-eye when I was growing up, I felt my father deserved to be treated differently, and we had different opinions about what a wife and mother were supposed to be. I'm 22 now, and I think back on those days and realize that I did nothing but torture and try to ruin her relationship with my father, and may have almost succeeded many times, I feel bad about it now. I never wanted her to not be in my life, I was hurting and rebelious...ya know??

Anyways, good luck, and hunny if you ever want to talk about any of this, including the pain your ex has caused you, write me...mine did the exact same thing to me when I was pregnant with my little girl.

Much love

My advice would be treat his kids the way you want him to treat yours. This is was the agreement that my exhusband and I had when we were together and it worked great for us!

Honey, please don't think it is going to be easy, but if you and your husband know that it will be a work in progres for a while you will be fine. My husband had 2 children, I had 3 then we have had one together and life at first was very hard with the ex-wife but it has settled down alot.

Have you spent a considerable amount of time with all of the children? What are the dynamics like? Are you easy going and would you treat them like your own? Have you talked about how you would be a consistent, stable person in their lives? Have you discussed how you two would parent? Discipline and remain team players?

Congrats on the upcoming wedding! You & your husband will have your hands full - but some things can make it easier. Don't push them into being brothers & sisters - or seeing you as mommy & him as daddy. That will come with time. You & your husband have to agree on being a united front when it comes to discipline. Talk it out now - if his kids do something they shouldn't & you discipline them is he going to support it? It's tough to see & hear someone else come in & tell your kids they are doing something they shouldn't, but working together you will show the kids that the only thing that has really changed is they have more people to love them. There are a few books from the library about this & also some parenting classes in the community as well. Easing into being a family & letting the kids get to know each other & you will make this a smooth transition. Luckily, they are all young enough that it shouldn't be to difficult & shouldn't take much time.Good luck & keep us updated!!

congratulations on your upcoming marriage! i was already living with my hubby when we decided to tie the knot. i had a 6 year old son and he had 6 and 5 year old sons from his previous marriage. even thou the kids, his ex and myself dont really get along i made it a point to try to deal with things in a way that my son would like. we expalined to the preacher that we wanted to include ALL the kids in the ceremony. all three boys walked down together as the ring bearers and then we had a unity candle for just the kids. after we did our candle it was then time to light their candle and unite all of us as one big family. daddy and myself blew out the candle after the preacher talked for a moment about our new family together. i can't promise that it will work because we still dont get along and it only gets worse every year but it is easier for me because his kids and ex are in az. my son is fine and loves paul and vice versa as we also have added 3 more into the mix. 3 year old son, and twin 2 year old girls. i only wanted to be a mom of 1, now look at me, a mom of 6. who woulda thunk it. lol
good luck and dont forget to make sure that your hubby is 150% behind you with the rules and dont back down. if they see fear, you are done. lol

as far as your ex goes, i had to keep a log of EVERYTHING that happened. from telephone calls to no shows for visitation to when he was late. absolutly everything. at least that way you will have something in writing from that day to refer to. also make sure you write down anyones name that was there so they can back you up. there is a great book i found when i was fighting for custody. it has wonderful tips. here is the link for barnes and nobles so check it out. just copy and paste this into your browser and there will be a wonderful list of books to look at. any other book store or even ebay just type int he search, "WINNING CUSTODY" and you should get tons of books to help you cope.

here is the link to barnes and nobles: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.a...

here is the book i was telling you about: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?W...

good luck again,
B. in fl

p.s. one more thing, i would recommend trying to get a program like quicken or somekind of journal where you can also white down everytime he gives you money or if he gives you diapers or anything like that. it is best to have proof all the way around. he can't screw you as bad.

Hello well I am also 25 and a mother of 4 children 2 of which are from my husbands previous relationship at first its hard but try to take it one day at a time and try to treat them all equally everyone gets treated the same way don't show favoritism. If you need any advice feel free to contact me at any time.