Help Needed from Moms of ADHD Children

I never understood why people attribute low self-esteem with ADD. Our brains can do some pretty amazing stuff. I do see how you can end up with low self-esteem. For me it was everyone telling me I could think like everyone else if I just put my mind to it. That I was lazy, I didn't try hard enough. It is no different than telling a child with one leg if you try hard enough you can run. When enough people tell you the same thing you start to believe the failure is on a personal level and not a neurological level. Then your self-esteem goes down the tubes.

All of my kids have great self-esteem and ADD, so take this for what you think it is worth.

Never use the term disability, she has a learning difference and it is part of what makes her special, creative, etc. Focus on the positive, not negative. Don't enable her either; she does have to live in the world and excusing her from things because of her ADHD will not teach her to live in the world. Accommodate, but don't enable. Recognize that it may take her longer to do things, break up the homework, for example. ldonline is an excellent resource.

Best of luck to you.

Okay so she has ADHD...I'm not sure how this relates to self-esteem.

It's a label. You can tell her that her brain works faster than other kids and she needs to run more than others. But really - it's a LABEL...if you want to label her - go ahead.

Personally? I would not use the "label". It's not like it's a BAD THING to be ADD or ADHD...so her mind is going a million miles a minute. That can be a good thing sometimes!!

If you are going the medicated route, tell her that the meds are going to be used to help slow her brain down so she can get it all...

sorry - not sure if that's the help you were looking for. I'm sick of labels. Each kid is different and needs something different, even in the same family...

I told my son God made him special and made his brain work differently. I explained that being different is OK. As far as his meds I tell him they are to help him so he can sit still and not get so frustrated.

Good news! We have tools to help you focus better on the things you love! If focus has been her biggest challenge, stick with that. She's aware at this point that "focus" has been challenging for her, and whatever interventions you will be undertaking (OT, meds, whatever) are to help her with that challenge. Talk about what you're going to DO, not about what she has. (I don't mean to *avoid* talking about ADHD, or to keep it a secret, it's just that the label won't have much meaning for her, while what your plan is will be very meaningful. I honestly don't recall whether we have ever said "adhd" to my son - it didn't seem important, he didn't ask what it was called. I'll have to ask him when he gets home from school. We definitely spent our energy talking about the things we were doing to help him, rather than worrying about what the label was.)

With my son, it was silliness - he knew that there were times when he was inappropriately silly, and he knew that it was making his life harder, so we talked about how going to see his occupational therapist was helping him learn what his body needs and how to give it what it needs in appropriate ways. And how the reason why he was too silly sometimes was because his brain was moving way too fast (the same way, I was able to tell him, my brain moves way too fast when I get worried about things - I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and the medication will help his brain slow down just a tiny bit, just enough that he can be silly when it's the right time, but calm when it's not the right time for silliness.

It's just brain chemistry. It's just how her body works. And you are so lucky to learn more about how her body works, so she can pay attention to it, and give it what it needs - just like we give healthy food to our bodies so they can grow, you need to do healthy things for her brain so it can grown and learn and do the things that she wants it to do, so that it doesn't get in the way of all the things that she wants to do.

Depending on how impairing it is, she also qualifies for accommodations from school - it doesn't have to be anything formal initially, just talk to her teacher, and share what you've learned, and when you find things that work for her (through OT or whatever) share those things with her teacher. If the accommodations become significant enough, you may ultimately develop an IEP or a 504 plan, but it may not ever come to that (it hasn't with my son.)

Good luck, you're only at the beginning of a big adventure, learning more about your daughter and how she can be the best truest possible version of herself in the world.