Neried -
I've got an 8 year old, and grew up in an abusive household as well - so I can relate to the 'punishment' factor of your concerns. I think, however, you need to look at it from the discipline factor. If you do not discipline him (teach him right from wrong) - at 2 he's acting out, at 12, he's out of control.
When my daughter was that age, I started 1, 2, 3 - alot of people (and friends, and my parents) thought I had lost my mind...but at 8 - if my daughter is doing something she shouldn't be - '1' and she stops.
There's also the issue of first time obedience. If your son is playing outside, and starts going towards the road and you call his name and say 'stop' - he needs to stop...not ignore you.
With Tori, when i told her something 'pick up the toys' - if she didn't immediately start - I said 'one'....'two'....'three'...and then forceably stopped what she was doing, and made her pick up her toys. If she was misbehaving 'one'....'two'....'three'....and if she did not stop/correct the behavior - I spanked her. I'm not a big fan of spanking - I spanked her about once every 6 months or so...but for a couple weeks - I had to make it very clear to her that I was the parent, she was the child, and I was in charge. It wasn't easy...but looking back now - well worth it.
As for the pampering after you punish - it can send mixed messages to a child. If you decide to utilize the 1,2, 3 method - you can tell him you are proud of him, etc - once he completes the task - or does whatever it is you are requesting. Plenty of affection/pampering during times he is behaving will help offset it.
And please - give some heavy thought to the discipline/punishment issue...they are not anywhere NEAR the same thing.