Hello mommies! I need advice and sorry this will be long. Well, my fiancé and I have been together almost 3 years now and have a 1 year old son together. We have had ups and downs like anyone but in past year things have seem to go down hill. I Have suspected him of cheating but have not been able to "prove" just a feeling I have. If I try and question him on things he gets angry and makes it seem like its all in my head that its "my problem" and maybe I am cheating. I have been 100 percent faithful and hurt he would even say. I am a SAHM and do everything for my family. A little into why I suspect him..........his work he does he can get off at different hours depending on day. About a month ago it took him hour to get home (usually 25 to 30 min) and when he got home he smelled like smoke. He said temp had talked to him about football game as he was trying to leave work and while he was in car temp was bent over in window smoking talking and that's why he smelled like smoke. I have found empty cigarette pack in car before and he says he has no idea where it came from, this was a few months ago. He also just lied to me about work buying him a lab top for work. I immediately had bad feeling but when I asked he got mad and tried to make me feel bad about asking him. Come to find out he lied. He said he is not cheating he just wanted it. Could not give good reason. I was Christmas shopping last night and a girl friend called. She is someone who I recently got back into contact with. We are great friends have been for years but life happens and for over 2 years lost contact. She came to my sons 1st B day recently and that's when she meet my fiancé for 1st time. Well she calls me while I am out and says I have something to tell you. He text her that day asking her questions about fight we just had. She said he did not "hit" on me but made her uncomfortable he was texting her. He told her not to say he was texting cuz I would be mad and would not understand. He then starts just talking as if they are friends and then when he gets home says "I am home can't text but will text her tomorrow. She said she was super uncomfortable and was letting me know and she has all text saved. He has done this before. When I was prego and went to ER for bleeding at 15 weeks we lost our keys at hospital from being upset thinking we might loose him and being moved from room to ultrasound to another room. I had to call a freind to take us home due to no keys. She being a great friend (someone else than he is talking to now) came and got us and took us home. He then witing till I feel asleep and got her number out of phone and text her saying thank you and was tryimg to talk and also said don't tell me cuz I would be upset he was texting her. Well she told me same thing she said he did not "hit" on her but it made her super uncomfortable and she had bad feeling. When I asked him he said he just wanted to say thank you and he was doing nothing wrong. He also has been on edge like not happy, always grumpy and just something is different. My question is am I being naïve to think he is not cheating? I want to believe him just keep catching him doing stuff that makes no since and lying. Its almost x mas. Do I confront him about talking to my friend? Know he is going to get mad or wait? What do I do? If he is cheating I will leave. Just scared to be on my own. No job and the economy is bad and I love him and want us to be a family, but also I know I can't be happy being with someone who can't be honest and is cheating. Hoping for the best. I could use any advise. Thanks so much!!
don't know if he's cheating or not. but he's sneaky and kind of creepy and he will have to do a lot of changing if you're ever going to feel comfortable and confident about him.
and you cannot make people change unless they want to.
is this how you want to live?
khairete
S.
Your friend who told you is a true friend. Hang on to her.
It is NOT appropriate for him to have secret conversations.
I don't know if he is physically cheating, but he is not treating you right.
Please use birth control. Another pregnancy will make your life harder and he won't change or straighten up.
I know you want to be a family and I commend that. The question is does he?
Are you both really young? Did you get pregnant unintentionally? If you didn't have a child, would you already be gone? Can your parents or someone help you get back on your feet?
Sounds like my ex. I was always sure he was cheating. And there was always an innocent explanation as to why he called our friend's wife to "hang out" (she called me, like your friend), why he was sitting in our car in our driveway talking to a woman all night when I was 6 months pregnant, why he was always at his female boss' apartment. Turned out he wasn't cheating, he was just one of those guys who had to be constantly flirting with women. Looking back on it, I think my ex was more comfortable with female friends but didn't know how to form friendships with them so he flirted with them instead. Of course, that's dangerous because an outside attraction is probably more likely to happen than not if he lives life that way. I would make it clear to him that fidelity is critical for your relationship and he might be faithful now but he has an uncomfortable habit for you (and many times for the other women). Don't get me wrong, while I think it's possible for a man and a woman to just be friends, this is different, this is like coming on to women even if he doesn't intend to follow up because he doesn't know any other way to relate to women.
I don't know about cheating, but he is definitely hiding something. If he lies this easy about the small stuff, when does he tell the truth? If you want to make this work, you need some counseling, but I think from your post, you believe that he is cheating. Remember, these two friends are just the ones that you KNOW about.
Christmas isn't the best time for a break up, but if you wait till after Christmas, New Years is around the corner....then Valentines Day, etc. You need to sort this out. Whether that is a long heart to heart discussion as to why he is constantly lying, and having caught him in these lies you are having a lot of trouble trusting him, or the fact that he did cheat, and he needs to move out.
I would start being more 'self' centered and not so focused on him for now. Get your ducks in a row... such as possible job opportunities and another place you can live. Once you are set, have a talk with him. If you still love each other you can always work things out when your marriage is being threatened. If you decide its not worth working on, he doesnt want to stop this behavior, at least you will be prepared to leave.
Spending all your days worrying that he is cheating is not what marriage is all about. It can be SO MUCH BETTER than that.
There is no trust in this relationship. When the trust goes you either have to find a way to get the trust back into it or it's an ex-relationship.
Sorry but I do think that he is cheating. You should not confront him yet though. Wait until you have all of your ducks in a row. Save enough money any way that you can. Tell him that you do not want to be a SAHM anymore and find a job (sad but you will have to anyhow when you leave him). also when he gives you money you should always put some aside. And sell what you can. And figure out where you will live. Then leave him. Out of the blue. Do this without a fight or emotion if you can. It sounds like he could be a serial cheater in which case it will not get better. Also-the lack of emotion will hurt him much more and he will know that you are over him. Make it as amicable as you can for the kids.
Oh-and try to gather concrete proof because he will deny it.
I have no idea if he's cheating, but I don't think that is the only issue here. He's lying for some reason, and that's not good. If you can get him to go to counseling, I think you'll learn a lot. Even if you go by yourself, you'll learn a lot and will have a lot of things cleared up.
The fact that he's doing this before your married is quite disturbing. Do not think that being married will change anything. It won't. In fact, he'll probably get worse once it's harder for you to leave.
