Help! Need a Routine

you may want to try the FlyLady system. it works for a lot of people. Go to FlyLady.com
Basically, she has everyone set an evening and morning routine, and spend 15 minutes a day decluttering. Once that habit is set, you add on other stuff.

I think in the mornings when hubby comes home instead of going straight to bed he can help with feeding the animals and he can get the baby changed and fed as well. You two should also sit down and have some cereal together as well or whatever you like to eat for breakfast even if it is just coffee or juice. That will keep you from being late and you two get some quality time together. Husbands can do laundry, cleaning, and cooking too. If you can afford maybe hire a maid to come in every week to two weeks to do the heavy stuff and you just worry about the day to day. Good luck and let us know how it goes. K. K

You need a maid, a automatic dog/cat water dish & feeder,and a good talk with the hubby. Tell him that you need a little more suport and show him how to work the coffee pot. As for the maid, it save my marriage after the twins. And is well worth the money. You will be able to do the landry with the time you save not doing the other things.

Who cares about the house work! Make a small goal to do everyday so at least one thing gets done and you feel a sense of accomplishment. Like sweep the floors or clean the bathroom, your husband should have one thing a day too, give him hell if he doesn't! (I am only half joking) You may also have your parents, siblings, or a few close friends come over one day to help you do a good cleaning of your house. You could "pay" them with take-out or wine. Its always a joke in our house that when our dishwasher is full my husband asks when my mom is coming over because she is the only one who unloads it otherwise they never see a cabinet. My heart goes out to you that you only get to see your baby for 1 1/2 a day. If you can cut out some expenses so that you can work part-time, you might try, at least the first year they grow up in the blink of an eye, and thats something you can't get back. I don't work nearly as much as you, and I cut corners where I can, like I buy roasted chickens from walmart, then pair it with some quick heat up side. I manage to wash the cloths but not put them away they live in the tub (we have a seperate shower) and pick cloths out of there. When someone comes over and can entertain my son I'll fold them, give the dogs a quick bath things like that. I can wipe down things and vacuum while holding my son. And I wash the dishes after he goes to sleep. Don't be so hard on yourself I just wanted you to see that I can relate.

My hubby just came off similar hours with similar complaints from both of us, so I completely understand what you're going through. Luckily for you guys your hubby has a normal schedule, mine changed every week, so he never knew when he'd have time off. Maybe you guys can work it out so that he helps with certain chores on his days off? Can he stay up for a little while longer in the morning to help you get things done? My husband has always gotten our son ready in the mornings while I am getting ready since it takes less time to get both of them ready than it does me. My theory was I hobbled around on my broken leg after working full time so I could get things done; he could definitely help out.

We've always done our laundry while watching TV- just drag it all out to the living room to sort it, then throw it into the wash/dryer during commercials. Then we'd fold while we watch too. It's a great way to get it done together while still doing something we would rather be doing.

Weekends were always a rough for us too, with a 2-yr-old (who turned 3 during this time), and my broken leg (a bad break back in Aug that's still under treatment), it was impossible for me to take him out of the house. Luckily my hubby is not a light sleeper, because he just had to deal with us being here. This is when I got quite a few things done, with the help of my son, who loves to do laundry, dishes, dusting- you name it!

Hopefully you guys will be able to work this out. Just be sure to express your concerns and be open about the situation. My parents have been dealing through my dad working overnights for a few years now, but my hubby is now looking for a day job. I just couldn't take it any more.

That first year is tough. Lots of adjustment for both you and your husband. Give it time. Don't set too high of expectations for yourself, because it will just stress yourself out.

Buy a crock pot for your dinners... You can pile everything in it before your bed (takes maybe 5 minutes) and your husband can turn it on after he wakes up or before you leave for work. That way dinner is ready when you get home.

I agreed that you don't need to invite friends over and have an immaculate house right now. However you will need to get the house picked-up and decluttered when the baby starts crawling, then walking... especially with all those darn Texas bugs and spiders! When my daughter was an infant, I hired a neighborhood girl to play with her on either saturday or sunday. I was still in the house in case anything happened, but used the time to do laundry, organize, etc.

If you can afford it (and you have the space), try to stock up on diapers and baby supplies. That way you don't have to run to the store all the time. Cut down and consolidate your errand time...

Girl, the house can wait! When your friends come over they will either understand (if they have kids of their own, if not they will one day) or they will get over it. Spend time with that precious angel of yours, now is the sweetest time ever when he is recognizing you and sends those very sweet smiles your way. Let that hour and a half be just for the two of you and worry about the rest later. These are moments that won't last forever but you will truly cherish forever. Like you and some of the others, I work full time, have 3 children (7, 3 and 6mths). My oldest son plays little league sports so while we are very busy having fun with that, I work full time, sell Tupperware for the much needed extra cash and go to church at least once (twice on a good week). LAUNDRY? Like the lady with laundry in the tub we have what we call the "Clean Clothes Area" in our house, it's in a little office/sitting area of our master bedroom. I get them washed and dried late at night (and through the night when I am up getting a bottle for the baby) after everyone goes to bed and while I am getting the kitchen somewhat clean or at least reusable and the dishes done, so they go from the dryer to the clean clothes area. At least they are clean! The hubby helps clean when company may be coming, because he can't stand it :)
Don't worry about the house, you can clean later. The only thing we can do is to do the best we can with what we have. Just know that you are not alone out there and are doing a terrific job! There are many of us who are in the same boat, very busy moms and with a mess of a house. I wish there were more "Super Nannie's" around to help us out. I can't wait to check out the FlyLady website, thanks everyone for that and the other tidbits, really helpful!

ok I am a very good organizer and I have worked up a plan for each of you, here goes: Hubby...works 10pm-6am, helps with morning routine till 7:30am, goes to sleep till 4pm. gets up at 4pm helps with house chores till 5:30 then makes dinner. You come home with baby and you all have dinner as a family, baby goes to bed at 7:30 and hubby relaxs, spends quality time with wife, or does some of his own hobbies, goes to work at 10pm.
Tues/Wed hubby sleeps same schedule but has evening off to help around house, help with baby, or spend quality time with wife or do some hobbies of his own.
OK Wife...works till 6pm, picks up baby,eats dinner that hubby made, time together at dinner table with baby, put baby to bed at 7:30 spend time with hubby till 8:30pm spends 1 1/2 hrs doing house chores, goes to bed at 10pm.
Sat/sun...church, errands till 3pm, chores till 6pm, eats dinner that hubby made, baby to bed at 7:30pm, hubby time till 10pm go to bed!
Yes i am aware that it is a tight schedule, but you have a small baby and work opposite schedules! some times you will relax instead of doing house chores! and maybe you won't have people over for awhile! so what, if you can get your schedules so that you are having quality family time,and alone husband wife time and everyone is working and the house isn't a pigsty, what more can you really ask for right now?
Good luck, let me know if you like the schedule, I actually spent time on it and wrote it all out before I emailed you!

Hi H.,
I just want to first say that you are doing a GREAT JOB doing all that you do! I have two small children myself (5yr old and a 2 year old). I advise to you is to talk to your husband. Tell him that you understand that he is transitioning to his new hours, but you need his help also. Ask him to try and streighten up the house sometime our do a load of laundry a day (before you and the baby get home). If he could just stick the load in the washer and have it washing by the time you get home, that'll give you time to get super cooked and the baby fed. Then you (or he) can stick the load in the dryer and then you two can eat then do the dishes. By the time you're done with that, you (or he) can take the load out of the dryer and then the both of you can fold them while your watching tv. Little things here and there def make a difference!.
Alittle about me.. I'm a divorced mother of two kids and I have a full time job monday through friday 8-5 and I have school two nights a week (Wednesdays and Thursdays) from 6-9. It's hard, I know, but my ex (my children's father) still helps out when he can. He watches the kids while I go to school and gets them every other weekend.
Anyways, I just thought I'd share a little bit of advise to try to help.
Hope everything works out for you, and HANG IN THERE!

When I first read your dilema my first thought was....Why is her husband not helping out more? From what you wrote, it appears he is pretty self-absorbed. There is no reason that he can not stay up to help you to get the baby ready, feed the animals, and then sleep all day while you and the baby are away. While you are away the house will be completely quite and he should have no issue getting his much needed rest. Also, the household chores are not just your responsibility. I may be wrong, but from what you wrote it appears that he beleives his only responsibility would be to go to work and that is it. He has a responsibility to you, his child, the animals you agreed to add to the family, and the house.
As far as his days off being days where he gets to do nothing but rest, but yet on your days off you are running around the house cleaning, taking care of the animals, and the baby by yourself, that is not fair at all.
Your husband needs to share the full responsibility and that means resting when you are resting and pitching in when your not.

First of all. You work, have a family... your house is not expected to be perfect!!! Forgive yourself and move on. Second, I get that you hubby is tired... but... so are you. You can not carry the weight of the world. Sounds like it is time for him to pick up some of the weight. You guys are a team... remember there is NO "I" in team. Last, pray for God answers... he will never give you more then you can carry. Welcome to motherhood!

Sounds like you need a mom's helper or a maid of some kind. If you can afford it i would definitely look into it. With your baby being so little it's hard to find time for everything, believe me, i've been there! I am a WAHM so things are a little easier but I definitely understand. There's just not enough hours in the day to get it all done (or enough of your energy!). And with a tired, cranky husband that WON'T help, it's worse.
If you can get the house cleaning service, perhaps you can work out a bi-weekly shedule for her or a night every other week for you and hubby to go out and have your mom or a babysitter take your son, all the while your house is being cleaned. They're not too expensive, most charge by the hour. My MIL does it and i think she charges 10 an hour.

Hope this helps! Have a wonderful day, you deserve it! GOOD LUCK!

-L.
The MOM Team
www.just4mylittlegirl.com
____@____.com

Maybe this is basic and you're already doing it but...Something that has helped me over the years is to have a time of being quiet and alone, to meditate and pray, before I start my day. As a new Christian I heard that this is THE most important part of my day and I took it seriously. When I sit with the Prince of Peace I have a more peaceful day. As I spend time with the God of all wisdom I intuitively know how to handle things later. God is love and as I spend time with Him I am more able to love myself and others. And when I give Him the first part of my day, it's amazing how I have time for so much more.

DON'T LET THE ENEMY TAUNT YOU if you think you haven't been doing this "enough" or "consistently". Just keep trying. You can do this at a time that is best for you and your household. I just encourage you to sit with the Creator of the Universe who loves you more than you'll ever know this side of Heaven.

You poor thing. I had twin boys in 1996. My husband worked nights (9pm to 6am)and I worked days (8am to 5pm). I had to drive 1 1/2 hours to work and the same back (sometimes longer due to traffic). We didn't have any one to keep the kids and daycare was ridiculous for 2 babies. So we had to work something out. My husband kept the twins during the day and would sleep when they slept and would sleep when I got home. When I got home I would take over so he could sleep. I took one day and asked my sister in law to keep my babies and I cleaned the whole day. Then I would only have to straighten up the house everyday after that.

We did experience days when we were extremely tired, but we did what we had to do. My husband worked at a warehouse at that time and his job was very physical, but with two babies neither one of us could quit our jobs.

I know there is very little time you have together ,but what is he doing before you get home from work. I don't think he sleeps the whole day. Try asking him to feed the dog when he gets in . Maybe he could put up his son sometimes and they can have some "just me and daddy time " together . Set things out for supper and ask him to get things started , while you finish up dinner , he can give son a bath . Both of you take care of your own cloths share in other things that have to be washed. It takes two, working together to make a marriage work. Keep in touch with your self, pray and bible study even if it is only 15 min.

A little about me: married 41 yrs. 6 children (all Married ) At one time for a long time I worked 2 full time job. My husband was a military man for 26 yrs. and not always at home . BUT when he was; he cooked , cleaned , did laundry, helped w/ home work, worked with scouts, and has always brought me a fresh cup of coffee in the morning or when ever I was getting up for work or just getting up . Some of his hours were often 12-18 shifts . It is hard but hang in there , and pray a lot . YOU WILL MAKE IT love. Wavedancer plan a date night once a month you both need it.

Well, your husband works just like you do. Maybe the 2 of you could work out a schedule on the days he is off and the days you are off to get the housework/laundry done. Just because he works nights doesn't mean he can't help out during the day before he leaves for work or when he is not working. If you have a little extra money to burn, try hiring a housekeeper to come in once a week or every other week to get the heavy work done.
PS. Remember how hectic your life is before you think of adding an additional little one into the picture. It won't get any easier.

Wow! You have been busy!lol...Engaged, off, married, divorced, married, baby!lol...My suggestion would for you to get a housekeeper if you are going to continue to work full time. They come in every two weeks and you will feel at peace not overwelmed. It cost us $85 for 2400 sq ft 4 bedroom 2 story. Sometimes you have to give somewhere else if you can't afford it. We have always had one even in our tiny town home before the house. You will feel better and can relax in your own house without worrying about it being a wreck.

Hello H.,
My name is T.,mother of 3 in Austin.My short suggestion is if at all possible be a stay at home mom enjoy your babyboy and your husband.It may mean to live w/in your means of a one income family but,at the same time you can get your home in order enjoy your family.I was'nt so fortunate to stay home w/my children being a single mother i had to provide but i am selfemployed and thats allowed me to be home for my children every day after school since all three entered kinder.
Take Care

H.....

My ex-husband worked nights at one point and I experienced the same problems. The best two things that helped him to get TRUE rest during the day were: 1 - ear plugs, and 2 - a mylar shade (I think we purchased at Lowes or Home Depot) for the window. Now, I didn't like the look of a mylar shade, especially the way it looked from the exterior of the house, but a mylar shade blocks the light completely and makes it like nighttime in the middle of the day. So what I did was install it directly in front of the window blinds, but the valance hid it, so you didn't see it from the exterior and the only time you would see it from the interior was when it was pulled down. Be sure to put a "day sleeper" sign on your door so that you don't have those disturbances and silence the phones. Now, that accommodates him, but he has to still be helpful to you. After all - this is both of your child, not just yours. Yes, he might be tired, but obviously, so are you. You may suggest that he come home from work, shower and unwind but get in bed in time for him to be able to get up and get dinner made so that this is at least one thing off your plate. And, when he gets home from work, there is no reason he cannot throw a load of laundry in. And, since he has middle of the week days off, he can help with the household chores too. Though I am not saying your husband is, my ex-husband was one that always needed to be taken care of and never helped in the house. I finally gave up and yes, I would be embarrassed if anyone stopped by. It's discouraging. Communication is the key....get him to see that you are making all kinds of concessions to accommodate him, but you don't wear a red cape and you don't have an infinite amount of energy....you need "down" time too. You are doing the right thing to have that "religiously" tv time as having odd shifts can be tough on a relationship. If you communicate, it can work....but you BOTH have to be able to listen AND acknowledge and work together....if your just saying "please help" and he's still complaining "sorry, I'm too tired" then that's only going to breed more frustration. Good Luck!

H., your husband is too tired to help out around the house and he has a four-month-old? I think he needs to grow up and you need to stop letting him slide. If possible, I'd go back to part-time. Hire somebody to help with the cleaning. Take care of yourself and carve out some time or your baby days will pass by in a blur.

I think you just have to figure out what is going to work for you. Life isn't about schedules it is about living. So what if the laundry doesn't all get done. As long as everyone has clean underwear why worry about it? Spending time with the people we love is more important than a spotless home and no laundry in the hamper. You sound like you already know that. I think you just need to chill out and not worry so much about the cosmetic aspect of life. Enjoy every day God has given you! Have a blessed day!

D. Mattern-Muck
The MOM Team
"Raise your income and your rugrats at the same time."
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

Be happy your blessed with so much in your life, and remember the important things...laughing with your baby ten times a day, and cuddling with your hubby however much time you can get!!!
I saw a book on the today show that might help you(and me) the title is stop whining, start living...good luck!

I am in a similar situation. I have 4 children 3 of which I had with my previous marriage. Girlfriend, it's hard. Just keep in mind that this is the hard part. Once the baby is old enough to occupy himself, then you are home free! On the other hand, seriously, your husband needs to help somehow, whether it is feeding the animals i before he goes to bed or washes dishes before he goes to work, it's just one less thing on your plate. I also work full time I am a student part time and my husband works night full time. Did I mention I have 4 kids (ages 11, 10, 3 and 8 months?) I know how you feel. My previous husband was like that....he never helped. Your not SUPERWOMAN, you will let go of some things and laundry(huh) is neverending so don't stress about it. Keep your head up!!!

Rebecca

Definately try www.Flylady.net

It will help you start routines. Babysteps will get you there!

Hi H.,

Seems to me hubby needs to pitch in. He's had a month to get used to his schedule. Since he get's home at the same time you get up, he should be able to tend to the baby. You didn't have that child by yourself. He should also tend to the animals. Since he has all day to sleep, he can pick up around the house and do laundry when he gets up. What you can do is get yourself ready for work and not have to rush around. Picking up the babe after work is a given since you are out already, then once you get home and feed the child, then you can get dinner going for you and hubby. Time together for y'all can consist of cleaning the kitchen together after baby is in bed and talking about your day. This can be a relaxing time for the two of you.

On the weekend, hubby is just going to have to learn how to sleep like a big boy. Sorry to say, but I would not let my hubby kick me and baby out of the house just so he can sleep. You can get a lot done on the weekend and y'all can spend some family time in the afternoon when he gets up. The two of you need to communicate on how things are working for the both of you. In my opinion, he has it too easy.

congrats on the baby!!! I have been a single parent since my daughter was 2 1/2 and I was preg. with my son. My daughter is now 20 and my son 17. One of the best things I have learned thru my parenting years.... TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST! If you can't take care of you - you can't take care of anything or anyone else. I have worked nights and although it is tough, it not impossible. i worked from 11 pm to 7 am and still managed to do all the kid stuff, housework and everything else that needed to be done. Just remeber: if he doesn't have to - he won't.If he gets off at 6 am he should be able to come in and get the baby ready to go while you get yourself ready for work (like you do when he's getting ready for work. If he sleeps 8 hours, which I am sure that is more than you are getting, he should be able to get up at 3 pm and do some laundry, dishes, start dinner or go pick the baby up. Divide the chores because you can't do it all. Just remeber, the older your son gets - the more there is to do. A fair division now will make things easier later also.

Hi...I can understand how you feel. For 10 yrs my husband worked night and I worked days. For us it worked out well, both kids were in school, so they woke him up when they got home. I passed him on the way out in the am, he got home as I was leaving for work. I'm the only one of our many friends that did the wash at night after the kids were in bed. We had a teenagae daughter that was a big help with clothes folding and the wash, sometimes ran the vacumn. I had to work out a routine that got things done on a very erractic schedule. Most nights I only got 4 to 5 hrs sleep. I met my husband in Jr high and married him after I finished high school. Married 51yrs. Lots of luck, you are trying to handle more than I ever had to deal with. Just do the best you can, the house will be there always. My husband had Tuesday and Wednesdays off for several years, finally got weekends off, so he'd sleep late on the weekends and our son would go to the store with me. We'd wake up my husband and daughter after we got back from the store. L.

I know your husband is tired, but so are you. Is there anything he can help out with? Also, hire someone to clean your house at least once a month if you can' afford it. Maybe on the weekends prepare meals for the week that you can freeze so you don't have to cook during the week. Don't be so hard on yourself and just TRY to enjoy life, because that's what life is all about. This too shall pass.

Wow, this was like reading about myself!!!! I work about 44+ hours in a 5 day week, then deal with the "Mom" work, too. My husband works about 12-14 hours a day, 4 days a week. We are both off on weekends. He is a dedicated and hard worker, never misses and is very committed to his job. I am the same way, I put my job high on my priority list. When I started working full time after many years of PT employment, I started feeling like I was losing control of everything. It took a long time for me to get everyone (kids included) to help out. Unfortunately for them, this is how I did it...I QUIT doing their laundry. Yep, just quit. When they ran out of clothes or wanted something washed, I told them I will help them get it done, but they had to help me finish it. At first that was tough, my husband, especially, had it rough. Sometimes he would put his clothes in the washer and hours later there it would sit...(he thought he was paying me back by only doing HIS OWN laundry, HA!) To keep the clothes from souring, and to move on with the laundry chore, I would put them in the dryer, then if they were still there when I needed the dryer, the load was dumped on HIS side of the bed, in a huge wrinkled pile. So he had to iron or wear wrinkled clothes or buck-up and help out. AND clean it up or sleep somewhere else. It worked. It took ingenious little things like that to get everyone to help out. I loaded the dishwasher and never ran it until there wasn't even a fork to eat with...When my husband decided he better wash dishes (at least run the dishwasher!) or pay to eat out or just not eat, he started helping out there, too. Now, everyone either washes their own, or puts it in the dishwasher. When it comes time to put them away, I delegate that to one of my children as their chore. I realize yours are probably too young at this time for chores. If your husband is working the same 8 hours a day job you are, why isn't he taking some of the responsibility of parenting. Why can't he come home, get the kids ready while you get ready for work, either take them to Grandma's or at least get them in the car with all their gear for you while you get yourself ready..? Then when he is done, he can go to bed...I am sure you are exhausted from your long day at work as well, and he had 8 hours of sleep while the house was empty. Why can't he help out in the evenings as well, before work. Being a working mom is hard work, but the hardest job of all is delegating some responsibility to the other adult in the family...unless he wants to take a 2nd job so you can stay home and take care of all the Mom needs....My exhaustion was affecting our "bedroom life". I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and he could just forget getting any attention at that point, I was just too tired. Now, with the help, the house being kept mostly neat, and his efforts, I have more time and energy to devote some of that back to him. It isn't easy and your husband needs to understand that it takes two parents to run your household. Make a list of things he can do to help out that won't overwhelm him and tell him that you understand he is tired, and so are you, but you need his help. Start out with the simple things and work your way up by adding an item along the way as he develops a routine. This should help you establish a manageable routine for yourself. Before you know it, you will all be working like clockwork!
Some helpful hints: Put laundry, such as towels, socks, underwear, etc in the washer before you go to bed. Move it to the dryer in the morning and let it dry while you are getting ready for work. (Make sure the dryer is off when you leave, though). When you get home and are ready to sit down to watch that TV show with hubby, fluff up the load for a minute, then put them in a basket in front of the two of you. Tell him he gets the towels and you get the socks and the two of you can be done before the first commercia, then use commercial time to put it all away, and your are still spending quality time together. Since clothing requires immediate attention in the laundry chore, this will shorten the long process by getting that particular load out of the way! Share cooking/cleaning chores too! If you cook, he cleans, and vice-versa...Good Luck, I hope you find the happy medium you are looking for...

Check out flylady.com

I'm sure you can find some help there.......

Good Luck!! Be sure and check it out thoroughly so that you get an understanding of the concept....

This obviously isn't working for you. You need to change something. I vote for changing the job situation---cut back to part time, or quit altogether. It isn't fair to you or your baby to have so little time together. You can have it all (great full time, clean house, children, activites, etc.), just not all at the same time. Also, I agree with the housekeeper idea--sounds like something you'd appreciate.

Maybe you can cut your work hours by a hour aday and spend it with your family. If you can afford it go to part-time. Kids grow up so fast so enjoy every moment you can.I would also record some of the funny time so look at in years to come. Good luck I rasied two girls alone it is not easy but they was worth everything I had to do. With the house work have your husband help and do it together when posible. Main thing is talk to him tell him your feeling.

Not to be ugly toward your husband, but he can be sleep deprived too. When both parents work, you really need to share the responsibilities, no matter what the work hours are. It's sometimes hard to bring these things up to our significant others, but you'll run yourself into the ground and won't be on top of your game when it comes to your precious little one OR him!. In your sweetest voice, maybe say to him, "Babe, do you think you could help me a bit in the morning while I get dressed? I could really use it" See where that takes you. Besides that, my husband used to work bad hours too (4pm to 3:30am) but he had to wind down before he could go to sleep so tell him it'll make him sleep better! Good luck!

Try talking to your husband during a calm time to see what he thinks and maybe divide up the chores. Let him know how you've been feeling. He might actually offer. You know how to approach him best, but don't do it pitifully or demandingly. Most men won't respond well to either. You can't make him and the last thing you need are problems between you and him. If you both work full time, you both should divide up the chores. Find out what he wouldn't mind doing. Ask him for certain things that would help you out. If and when he does come around and start pitching in, then make sure he knows you appreciate it (even if you know he should). You like to know you are appreciated too. If he sees it calms you down and you are more relaxed around him and the baby, then he will realize how worth it it is. If this doesn't work and you can't pull back to part time...then invest in a housekeeper. Even if she just comes once a week or twice a month to at least clean your bathroom and kitchen, dust, vacuum, etc. I personally believe it would benefit the both of you to have more time for yourself and each other. If you're working so hard, then hire someone to help out. It's worth the sacrifice and would be cheaper than quitting if you don't think you can. Your husband may prefer helping out than to hire someone, or he may cheerfully like to have a daily housekeeper. Who doesn't like to have a clean house, especially if they didn't have to do it. I have worked full time, part time, and been at home full time. None of it is easy, but all of it is doable for most if you truly want it. Slow down, and get some help. Organize and set up a weekly schedule for the both of you. You don't have to follow it to a T, but it will help keep the both of you focused on what needs to be done and by when. Also, some people never really get used to working nights. He will need down time at the first when he gets home, just like you do. Find out when is best for him to go to sleep and see if you two can't find a compromise that will work for everyone. Keeping your family together and relaxed and happy with each other is more important than anything else. It might also mean you should simplify your life. It seems as if you love your husband and want to make him happy. Don't lose sight of that in your own wants, but you do need to communicate with him and get some help or you won't be any good to anyone including him. He may not respond well the first time...Just keep talking about it (but don't nag). Include your husband in the discussion. He could wash his own laundry, you may have to teach him. Anyone can wash underwear and towels. Have a pizza night. Teach him to make a couple of easy meals and have him cook 2 nights a week...My husband can cook eggs, pancakes, spaghetti, hamburger helper, etc. And who cares if it is breakfast food...I didn't have to cook it. Double up your meals when you cook them, freeze them, and have him warm them up on certain nights. Do as much as you can the night before to get ready for work, that will ease your morning routine. Buy a dogfood holder with a door that holds at least 40 lbs of food and a water spout that attaches to the spigot outside (fresh water all the time). You can buy them at large feed stores. There is one off of Huebner Rd. The dogs can get their own food and water when they want...one less daily chore. Simplify! I'm at home and work about 2 days a week at 5 different flexible jobs. I have a lot of flexibility to my routine and my house is a wreck all of the time! It's just part of having kids and working. Don't be hard on yourself, your mental stability and time together are so much more important than chores.

This is coming from a grandma who worked forever and I mean forever. I worked sending my ex-spouse to college, a 3 yr-graduate school and a 2-year graduate program. Also, while sending my daughter to University of Texas, my ex-husband got me an additional evening full time job which I went to after leaving my day-time full time job. Therefore, I was working 16 hours a day. I look back on that and can't believe I did it - he should have been the one taking an extra job. I only survived doing it for a few months. Half the time I didn't know where I was, I survived on "Thunder" tea (a very high caffeine content). I was sleeping only about 3-3 1/2 hours a night. So I think this compares to what you are currently doing.

You know your house will be there when your kids have left home to school, gotten married or started their life. I now have a quiet very clean house which is empty of my children as they are both married and having children of their own. My whole point is: take care of yourself, the time you spend with your children now can't be replaced. You can clean your house later when the children are on their own. I know, I couldn't stand to come home and see a dirty, cluttered house. But just take a room or a drawer at a time and then be proud of that accomplishment then pick up your beautiful baby and know that you only have that child for around 18 years to love, hold and teach. Your house will be there forever.

Go to your closet and turn all of the hangers backwards and when you wear a garment, turn the hanger the correct way. In several months, check the closet and the hangers that are still hanging backwards, get rid of that garment. In otherwords we need to declutter our lives. In your kitchen, put all of your pancake flippers, etc. in a box and when you need one, take it out and return it to the drawer at the end of a few months, check the box and the items that remain in the box - get rid of as you are not using them. Before you go to bed at night, check the rooms and pick things up that are out of place, get an idea of what you will wear to work and the needs for the baby for the next day and be sure it's ready. Just little things will help you be a little less stressed and just returning things to their proper place as you use them makes a great difference and saves all kinds of time and energy. Have a healthy lunch while working and when you go home at night, sometimes I just have cereal or something light that's easy to prepare and clean up after eating. Throw things in the washer and dryer immediately when you get home and fold while watching your special tv program. I have a comforter on my bed, you can easily make the bed without much effort, straighten the comforter, put your pillows on and then a few throw pillows and the bed looks great.

Just take those shortcuts now as when your chld is old enough to go to school, you more than likely will have more time to clean and pay more attention to your house. One most important thing of all is to teach your child to clean up after himself - if you don't you will have more chores to do and you're not doing the child any favors as mom won't always be there in his life to pickup after him. When my son was a toddler, I had a playpen (I didn't use but at one time used to carry to the sitter for him to sleep in and keep him safe when he was tiny) and I had one side down and at the end of the day, it was a game for him to pick up all his toys and put in his playpen toybox. So it can become a habit for the child to pickup.

I don't know if any of this will help as I remember the stress of working long hours and coming home to husband and 2 children sitting on the couch waiting for me to prepare dinner. It's not easy being a mom and I don't know if any of us have the answer. But if all of us can give you some shortcuts that may help you. Just remember holding, loving, reading to and enjoying that baby is the most important for you and your husband.