My son is 2.5 years old and he hasn't been going to bed easily for over 2 months. We stick to the same routine as we had before he suddenly became afraid. He screams and cries uncontrollably for at least 30 minutes now. I don't want him to be in the habit of sleeping with my husband and self, but that is usually what calms him down and lets the household sleep. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Thank you all for your suggestions. We finally found a lamp that he loves to have on in his room. we only turn it on at bed time. With the lamp and the somewhat set routine, we haven't had too many issues lately.
Is he afraid of the dark or monsters? When my youngest was about 3 he went thru a scary dream and monsters under the bed phase. I mixed up some dishsoap and water in a spray bottle. Then I made a label on it and sprayed it under and all around his bed. It seemed to help.
Hi K.,
Giving a child what he needs when he is young means he will grow up feeling he always has a secure base. This goes deep into their personality. My husband and I let our kids in our bed when they were young and now they are confident, and secure. (And sleeping alone with no difficulties). They are 13 and 15 year old. I found no down side to doing this. Follow your heart.
L.
Instead of letting him get in bed with you, you might try sitting with him for a little while at night after he is in bed. When my daughter was young I would sit in a chair in her room and sing her a song or if she was really upset I sat on the edge of the bed. I would only have to sit there for 5 minutes or so, but it seemed to ease her anxieties. As they get older you won't need to do it so much but I like letting her know I'm always there for her. They are little for such a short time and it was nice just to be able to sit in the dark for a few minutes and relax. Now she goes to bed just fine on her own.
Try allowing him to fall asleep in your bed and then move him to his own bed. He may just need to be reassured that his bed if perfectly safe. By doing this, it is a way to ween him from sleeping with you all the time.
When my daughter started having nightmares and trouble sleeping in her own bed and wanted to sleep in ours I made a deal with her. I would lay down in her bed (or next to it) with her. The first night I stayed till she fell asleep and had to lay down again when she woke up with a nightmare. I told her that after she fell asleep I would go to my own bed. Of course her dad said he would rid the room of her "monsters" and he did a lovely display. The key is to hold their hand as they fall asleep I think. This makes it easy to slip away once they fall asleep but helps them feel secure and that you are close. Explain on following nights that you will leave as they are going to sleep etc. Make sure they are actually asleep before you leave the first few nights though otherwise you break their trust. Long story short... I don't have to lay down with her very often now, (pretty much only when we are sleeping in a new place) and hardly ever at night after she wakes up from a nightmare, she is so tired she barely notices anything after she realizes that I came to tuck her back in. I started doing this when I was about 4 months pregnant and it wasn't comfortable obviously but better than letting her sleep in our bed, and then later breaking her of that habit and her being angry at her new sibling (who also isn't allowed in my bed) because I have to get up with him; I can't be crawling over a toddler to nurse an infant.
Hi K.,
My daughter, now a little over 2, had this issue at about 18 months. I worried as well! I didn't want to "enable" her by letting her sleep with us or be in our room too much... I was given advice that is sticking with me to this day - they are only young once. If that means that for a few days/weeks she needs extra cuddle time or a few minutes of a movie before bed, then that is what it takes. Since then, we've allowed her to watch 10-15 minutes of a movie in our room, cuddle with us, read books, whatever, and MOST nights bedtime is NOT a struggle. I don't feel this has impeded her ability to go to sleep on her own at all - in fact, I think it is great because she knows that she has options. Good luck!
What is he afraid of? Try a night light.
Try rewarding him for going to sleep w/ no crying, make sure you do it as soon as he get up. I have a marbel jar, my almost 3 year old get a marbel when she sleeps like a big girl. It has worked for us since the first night. It has even worked to get her to take naps again.
Stick to your routine. I know it sounds harsh and is hard on everybody, but your son needs to know that he doesn't rule the roost. His room his his room. You might consider any changes that may have happened in the last few months that might be causing him distress, it could be as simple as he's picking up your pregnancy stess now that the baby is due really soon. Some kids are really perceptive to even the slightest change. Any change in work habits can affect them as well.
Talk to him, try to find out what it is about his room he doesn't like, could be as simple as he needs a different sheet on his bed or a "sleeping buddy" like a stuffed animal or soft toy. My daughter had a fear of the bathroom for awhile (no joke) and we found out that if we put a 'guardian' on the shelf by the toilet to keep the nasties away she was just fine. lol she picked that up from a video game the rest of us where playing. Now she doesn't even worry about it and we've moved twice. But we had no idea until we talked to her, which I know can be very difficult when they don't know how to express their feelings as we do. And being as creative as kids are, deciphering what they mean can be tricky too, so think about the shows you all watch on tv, games or even the radio when they tell you things. It may be very subtle. Hang in there. Things will get better.
K., this is a tough one, 2 to 3 year olds are just finding out they have control! Oh what power! He may also has some true fears! Be patient, (tough one in the night) Try making a silly sock monster with him, ask him if he wants a funny face or scary face on it to scare his fears away, he can put it under his pillow or bed to protect him, or give him a rechargeable flashlight! If he still takes naps, cut them short, make sure he is truly tired. Start a sticker chart for when he stays in bed or is better about going to bed, smiley stickers for good nights, no stickers for the others. Expect regression with a new baby coming, (sorry) it is normal. If he does that give him a sleeping bag for the floor by your bed, (to discourage sleeping with you) he will want his own bed soon. Good luck hon. K.
Not sure if this will work but I was reading on a website yesterday of how a mom had two young children that have a hard time falling asleep and get up a few times a night. Now she gives them a bath before bed and puts in Arbonne Unwind oil and salts. Then she sprays their pillow with the Unwind spray. She said they both sleep through the night now! You can read her story at www.arbonne.com under testemonies then down to Unwind oil (or salt or spray-I can't remember.) Let me know if you want to order this product and I can mail it to you with 35% off the price. Contact me at ____@____.com, not sure if you are a Vegitale fan. But they have a song called "My God's Bigger Than the Boogyman." My girls love to sing that song and whenever they get scared I remind them that God can zap any monster. I hope you get some good responses to help you out. Lack of sleep is horrible-my girls both didn't sleep through the night until they were one. Those where long years! If only I would have known about the Unwind products!!!
Take care,
J.
