Help My Son Hates Everyone!...

Updated on October 07, 2009
J.W. asks from Dallas, TX
6 answers

Hi everyone , I have a bit of a problem with my son, he's 16 months old and freaks out every time someone new comes near him. He panics and hugs me or his dad so tight and if they don't go away , he cries. Not only does he cry but he cries for what seems like forever! I'm not sure what to do I try not to react to him crying and I try to calm him down saying its OK and all that, but nothing seems to work. I was contemplating taking him to little gym or a play group to try and get him used to other people but I'm frightened he'll freak out! any help would be greatly appreciated.

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C.M.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter had stranger anxiety at around 6 months and it lasted until she was over a year. I think the worst part of it was my inlaws kept saying something was socially wrong with her and she was that way because I didn't socialize her. My husbands grandma even told my family that they were worried about her because I didn't take her enough places. Basically they were insinuating that age was that way because she stayed at home with me. I kept trying to tell them it was normal. Anyway, slowly she grew out of the crying stage, then she was a little shy-im shy at first. Then over this summer (she turned 3 in may) she became extremely social. Eveyday she says she wants to play with her friends and she initiates long conversations with grownups in a store. I guess what I'm trying to say is relax and he will come around. Whatever you do, don't make him feel bad foe being scared. He will grow out of it and become social butterfly like mine :)

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J.J.

answers from Dallas on

Hi J.,
The only suggestion I have is to expose him to more kids/adults if possible. We do go to Little Gym and have been going since my son was 13 months (he is now 22 months). My son absolutely loves it. I do warn you that your son will probably freak out the first time you take him to something like Little Gym. Don't let that stop you. Like anything else, consistency and repetition is key so keep at exposing him to people/situations.

Not sure where you are in the Metroplex but there is a Little Gym in Arlington Highlands. The staff is great and specifically Robin (teaches the class your son would be in) is awesome!

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K.R.

answers from Dallas on

Did he just start walking recently? My boys got stranger anxiety for a couple months after they started walking and then it was done.

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B.H.

answers from Dallas on

My son is 4 months and has the same problem. It is awful! He screams when anyone including family comes near! It such a horrible feeling because he is such a sweetheart when we're alone! We started little gym last week and I really feel like it helped playing with other kids and parents.He even made it at the nursery in church for about an hour and a half this past Sunday, which is a record.
I know its only been one week but I am hopeful for the first time!
Good Luck and my doctor assures me its a sign of intellegence...if that helps at all as he yells at everyone he looks at???
B.

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

This behavior is very normal for some babies. Others seem to take to new people and never meet a stranger.

Don't panic yourself; he will feel your anxiety and be more afraid. Your son does NOT "hate" anyone. He is growing in his own way.

If you give him reassurance, he will eventually loosen up and admit new faces and voices into his world. Remember, it is HIS world, not yours. Don't intimidate him. The more verbal he gets, the more you will understand his fears and he will be able to communicate. There are wonderful children's books that address this kind of anxiety.

BUT, DON'T WORRY. And, tell your husband not to worry.

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L.S.

answers from Dallas on

Stranger anxiety is pretty normal and for most is just a phase. Some get it earlier, some later. Everyone is different. Just keep reassuring him that you're there and eventually he should turn around. Enrolling him in a class or joining a playgroup may help him and I think would be well worth a try. He probably will freak out at first, but give him time. Good luck!

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