HELP My M-I-L Wants to Use a Crib Fro the 1980'S I Don't Know If Its to CODE!!!!

His parents , his discussion. I agree. Move her into a big girl bed!! Also, the what if discussion is good too! I also always buy a seat and bring the car seat for plane rides! good luck!

I am sorry that things didn't go will with your FIL.

My one mil loves yard sales. So there was always a risk of a used piece of safety equipment being used. She would call and say can the kids use this car seat. This was 9 yrs ago when she would watch our oldest. So I would say well actually she is getting a new car seat on pay day. You can have the old one if you wish. This used to take care of her wanting to buy something like this. Now my DH hated spending money but it was safer this way.
My other mil and fil passed down a crib to us. It was for our son. It had went through both their grandsons. Warning lights going off. So we took it home. We needed something. Because at the time didn't even have a pack n play. Within two months, the railing came crashing down. Our son luckily wasn't hurt. Just scared. So went out and replaced it with a similiar model. They never said nothing about it.
Will your mil be willing to try the bedding on a newer bed?

I ran into the same issue. When I was pregnant my husband's family pulled out all of his old baby things. Including his crib from 1981.
I know it can be difficult dealing with in laws and believe me, you will have many more issues with them but when it comes to your baby's safety you have to stand firm.
I told my MIL the guidelines and requirements and basically said that the crib would not be used if it did not meet the standards.
You can use a number of approaches: I told her that I appreciated the gesture of passing it on but I would not use it. I basically said that the pediatrician insisted on a crib within code and played on the fact that she would not want to be responsible for something happening to the baby.
If that seems to harsh then play on the fact that you are a first time mom and a little paranoid. All women can relate to that. My MIL's argument was that it was stupid to spend money when there was a crib available. My response was that I intended to have more kids and that way we would have a new crib that would be used for all of my kids. And like I said, if all else fails this is your child and you decision and if you don't want to use the crib then don't. Perhaps your husband needs to get involved?

Good Luck :)

Hi,

Totally do not let MIL bully you into something you do not feel comfortable with. This is YOUR baby's safety. My response to her would be..."That is great that your children survived." Many people survived car crashes before air bags, and not everyone that smokes has babies with SIDS. With modern advances we are smarter now than we were in the 80's. We have tougher codes which ultimately save more lives. Why risk it over the price of a 99.00 Pack N Play? If it comes down to it..just buy the kind you want and take it to her to use. Tell her that this is YOUR baby and you will decide what is best.

Good Luck!

T., a good rule of thumb is the pop can trick. You could probably get a way with doing while no one was looking so you didn't hit a nerve with your in laws. Just slip the can thru the slats, if it goes thru - the crib is unsafe. If you can't fit it thru, that you child should be fine if the structural integrity of the crib is sound. Good luck!

Your not really clear on what the crib will be used for, but here are some ideas. If they are giving it to you for home use then I suggest getting a new one (or even a newer one from a garage sale) and telling her that someone else got it for you. If she will be using it at her house when you won't be there, get her a newer one and say an aunt had an extra (something like that). If it is for use while you are at her house, bring your own. The main point is that it is your job to assure the safety of your child. You need to be assertive about the care your child is receiving, not only with your MIL but also with caregivers, medical people, teachers, etc. Your job is to do what you feel is best for your child. Your gut instinct as a mother will guide you, don't ignore it. Good Luck.

I would just print out the specifications and go over the crib with them with a positive, happy-go-lucky attitude. If they get on your case, just explain to them nicely that you'd rather be safe than sorry. If they are particulary difficult, maybe show them a story about a child who was injured or killed by outdated equipment. Listen to your gut when it comes to the safety of your child. Better to annoy or offend your in-laws than be sorry you didn't speak up. Good luck--I know this is tough.

I have dealt with this type of thing many times. My parents always gave me the same, "oh gosh, how did you and your sisters ever make it?" and I used to try to be nice and then I got tired of arguing. The bottom line is that you are the mother and if YOU don't trust it then that should be all they need. Just put your foot down, forget the excuses and say no. You can say it politely, but let it be known there is no room for argument. That is the way it is, hopefully they will respect your decision.
Good luck, and don't let them talk you out of it. Most likely it isn't the safest place for her to be.

I know you've already updated on the situation, but I'm gonna throw my 2 cents in there. Inlaws like these really bother me. They think that because they raised their kids, they know it all. Well it would do you good to remind them that there are safety regulations (that are much stricter now than 20+ yrs. ago), for a reason. And what reason could that possibly be? How about the fact that there had to be INCIDENTS reported, either of serious injury or fatalities, that made those regulations become what they are today?? I guess if your inlaws are willing to risk the well-being of your child, on a possibility that the crib MAY be okay, because after all, it was ok for their kids 20 yrs. ago, then I would be leary of letting them keep my child at all. God knows what else they might try to pull. Like giving your baby peanut butter or shell fish. Because they gave those things to their kids, and they're alive to tell about it. This mentality is so snobbish and self-righteous. It burns me to the bone. This is YOUR child and they should respect YOUR wishes. And that's what this comes down to. They do not respect you and how you are raising your child. Stick to your guns. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, do not give in! What's the point in letting someone watch your child for a while, for you to get a "break", just for you to sit and worry the whole time, because they're using ancient baby equipment!? Good luck hun, I know how difficult it is to deal with these kinds of people. But don't back down.

I say she is 18 months old, avoid all conflict...move her into a real bed.

T.,

I'm sure that crib isn't safe - we have safety standards and regulations in this country specifically to keep our kids safe. Times have changed - you don't buy cars today without airbags whether or not our parents lived thru the day when there weren't such requirements. You just need to tell them, you do not want your daughter in that crib and you can provide them with another one. Your daughter's safety is number one priority. You've got to stop worrying about tap dancing around your mother in law's feelings (can you tell I've had some experience there - almost with this exact same issue, except it was with a booster car seat....). At any rate, show up with your pack and play if you need to. You can probably gently preface it by saying you're concerned because your daughter is beginning to climb - you don't need a broken arm or leg because you're worried about not being nice.

Good luck.

Hi T.,

Don't let your inlaws misdirect you in what you know is right!

My kids grew-up in the 80's so I remember the trend. I work with new parents now, so I'm updated on the changes. Your inlaws may not be.

Tell them, (in a nice way) that it's 2007 not the 1980's. Many things have changed since then. Show them the information you got from the website, maybe even show them the website! You're not making up the rules.

Unfortunately there were many babies who got caught between the bars or stuck in their crib. Those statistics helped change codes to prevent others from loosing their lives. Luckily, their kids were not part of the statistics!

I would bet that the crib is not within the codes for this day & age. It seems like such a waste of a well built item. It's better to be safe then sorry, so go with your gut instincts!

Back in the 80's all babies were put on their stomachs to sleep. SIDS was happening at a much higher rate then it is today, with babies sleeping on their back. I hope they follow that recommendation with your daughter!

You are the parents to your daughter, I hope they go by your rules!

Good Luck!

K. :)

I don't know if this helps or not, but my daughter is 15m and no longer sleeps in a crib. She has a toddler bed at my parent's house and I converted her crib to the daybed and added a rail so she wouldn't fall out.

Tell your in laws that you're getting ready to transition into a toddler bed and there's really no need to use the crib. Just an idea unless you want to wait a little longer to transition from the crib.

Why isn't saying no, good enough? I have a "tough" MIL as well, and when I don't like something she offers, I say no. And then, when she digs, and digs, and digs, I say no, and no, and no. Keep your ground! You are the mom!!! Have your husband back you up, if it's possible. If her feelings are hurt, she will just have to get over it. It's funny how dads and FIL's never have to deal with this....just us!

I would go out and get a pack n play they are usually 90-100 dollars, or even see if you can get one used that is a few years old at once upon a child or something. Then give it to them to use for your child. If you don't feel comfortable using something that old, don't. I wouldn't discuss it, I would say I got this for you to use for my child when she stays with you.

Here's some advice on handling safety issues in the future:
Ask FIL and MIL, "How would you feel if something bad happened knowing that it could have been prevented? It may not happen...but it could? Can you live with it?"

Example, I always paid for a seat on the airplane for my under 2 year old daughter...my justification "She will be safer in a car seat on the plane than she will be in my lap. If by some small chance there was turbulence or a rough take off/landing, what torment would I live with knowing I could have avoided it by spending the extra $200."

Good Luck!

Hey T. .. I have issues with my in laws too so I know what your going through simply say.. I would feel more comfortable if the cvrib bars were measured so I know its the right width in between,if you dont support me then thats fine I will just get a crib I am sure is up to date on measurements, this is our child and I dont want to put her in anything Im not sure of you should be happy that Im cautious.
Is it the only way you can get a crib is it they get it or can you afford one without them? I have a problem saying how i feel with my in laws too but you have to realize tht its your daughters safety that is at stake and there are no shortcuts to that. No matter how cute the crib is...lol What does you husband say mine doesnt stand up for how I feel so I knothat side of it as well you can reach me through my email ____@____.com and im also on messenger with that id

C.

Hey... You know, She is YOUR child and if you are uncomfortable with the port-a-crib they want to use (I would be also!) then provide your own. Get a second crib or playpen/port-a-crib for their house. Tell them you feel better with a newer model since safety standards have changed so much. If they refuse or throw a fit then don't let her stay over at their house. If you let them have their way with this you'll be giving room for future battles! Good luck! If all else fails, let your husband deal with his parents.

I know you have already summed up, but I thought I would add a bit of advice as well. My mother has what sounds like the same porta-crib. My moms is wooden with the section around the four sides and one side folds down. My mom loved this porta-crib and couldn't bear to part with it since all four of us slept in it. But luckily my mother also understands about safety codes and how things that were once considered okay are no longer okay. So the beautiful crib with the specialty bedding is now used as the doll baby bed for all the grand-daughters. They sleep in the updated pack and play and their special dolls, and bears, and even one armadillo, sleep in the special "grandma" crib next to them. Even the older girls put their special "lovies" in there to sleep (including my 16 year old niece who brings one of her old dolls just to put in the crib too) Maybe you could suggest this to your MIL as a special thing that your daughter and other grandchildren or future grandchildren could do only when they come to visit grandma and grandpa. And the porta-crib and the sepcial bedding would get years and years of use. Just a suggestion, hope everything goes better for you!