Help! My Kids Are Crazy!!!

Dr Sears has some expert advice for you here that may help!:
http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/discipline-behavior
http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/discipline-behavior/b...

You don't say what problem you are having with your 6 year old, but if both your kids are acting out that much and your three year old is doing and saying things like that, I think you need some parenting classes.

My older two hit that point at one and three. It pretty much hit me, both literally and figuratively, he was no long two but damn the terrible twos continued.

I took life away from them and then gave them permission to do things they took for granted. Going out was earned. I can't remember everything but there are nuns out there that were less strict than I was. I don't remember a lot but the word exorcism always pops to mind when I think of this period.

A month later I had two of the most well behaved children you will ever see. Then I got to play with them again. I guess they just needed it drilled into them that no actually means no, yes is a privilege not a right.

I have no idea how I did it, I guess I just hit this enough already wall. I am so not the Mary Poppins type, I am more the class clown.

Fist thing is you stay in control. It takes two to argue. You need to stay calm (at least on the outside) and not shout or yell back.. This does NOT mean be a doormat however. Speak firmly, but in control.

I second the Supernanny idea. I think it is really important to remember that it will not be as "easy" as it looks on t.v. Remember it is time lapsed. sometimes it takes an hour to get a kid to stay in time out for their 4 minutes! BUT the parent consistently puts them back and eventually it will work.

Also, the behaviors will get WORSE, before they get better. Then they will get better and flare up at least one more time. The kids will try to see if their old techniques will work again since they did before. Don't be discouraged by this.

As far as a reward, that gets dicey. You don't want it to get to the "what will you give me for being good?" phase. Then it is just a bribe! LOL I think that at the beginning small rewards are good though. Things like popcorn and movie family time. stay up a half hour later on the weekend if you go to bed well all during the week. Also, just a verbal thank you for ANY thing that is done that is what you expect. "Thank you for picking up your toys when I asked you to" "Thank you for washing your hands so quickly for dinner" That way you are reinforcing what you DO expect, as well as what is not acceptable.

Could it be also that they need an outlet for energy after school? Even though they get recess and I assume the 3 year old had extra playtime as well, school can be confining. (It feels that way to me some days, and I'm the teacher! LOL) I know that I am exhausted by the time I get my son home from school and pick up the baby form daycare. Then I need to get dinner ready, lunches for the next day, etc, etc.... but I find it helps, especially for my son, if I go play outside with him for a half hour. We BOTH get to decompress and it works much better than him plopping in front of the t.v. while I make dinner. AND that would be another positive interaction with the kids. It doesn't need to e anything super structured. A bike ride, a walk, play hopscotch, look for bugs, whatever. Just time to unwind together.

I know this is really long. Sorry!!!! Good luck!

Let me get this straight....They are perfectly behaved in school and they are set off in the car???? That means that you and your husband are allowing them to do as they please and they are taking advantage of that. Wash their mouths out with soap and I assure you that will stop happening. Shell out the discipline, mean what you say and follow through. Put them in their rooms and take away everything. Kids need discipline and consistency. Do not bribe, this will get you nothing and arm them with ammunition. Good luck.

yikes. sounds like you need some good old fashioned consequences and follow through.

What do you do at the moment? When he chucks his shoes, do you pull over and take away his toys/shoes? Do you ignore him or try to talk to him when he's yelling? Do you maybe turn up the radio to ignore him? When you do time out, how do you do it? When you take toys away, for how long? Every kid has a trigger point. With my SS it was video games and money. With my SD it was social outlets (parties, friends). We used what got the point across to each kid. I wouldn't hold something like Chuck E Cheese out. I would do things like go to bed early if her behavior interferes with your night.

Do they watch TV with people calling other people stupid? Or spitting? Does he watch your DH play video games with misbehavior? Kids are sponges. Do you and DH ever call them stupid?

They CAN behave. They do so at school. So think about your reactions and what might give them the idea that they can get away with it.

If my SD lied, the consequence was worse. 1. for the thing she did wrong, 2. for the lying. If there was someone else involved, she had to apologize to them (the friend's mom, the teacher, the afterschool worker). She once lied that her mom's number was local and ran up the aftercare phone bill by calling often. She lost allowance for that, had to apologize, and lost the ability to ever be near a phone at the aftercare (they'd been kind because sometimes kids just miss their parents and if it was OK short calls were permitted - local ones).

When my DD hit me or bit me (I think the last time was when she was 2), she was swiftly and immediately put in time out and and it was made clear that she never, ever, ever bites anybody, especially her mother. Teeth are not for biting. Same with hitting. Hands are not for hitting. If she threw a temper tantrum and would not calm down, she was bodily picked up and put in her room til she was done. Last week she though screaming at me was a good idea and so when her cousin came for dinner, he found her still in her room, inspecting her navel. I told her she could only come out if she was not going to be rude to our guest and if she apologized to me.

Your kids can also lose TV time and the older one can lose privileges.

Many areas have low cost parenting classes. Your kids' school might have a flyer (ours does). Might be time to check one out.

Where are they learning language like that?

They are well behaved at school. It is taking everything they have to hold it together at school. School is a challenge for little kids - it is long, involves lots of sitting and rule following. It involves remembering a large number of social rules. It is tiring. Most kids are exhausted and often starving by the end of the school day. They fall apart with you because they know you love them and can handle their big feelings.

I would NOT attempt to punish them into submission. I would try to meet their needs instead - both the physical and emotional ones. So, immediate feeding and some sort of reconnecting with them. That might be as simple as looking directly at them and hugging them. Or it might involve a 'tell me the best thing about your day, tell me the worst thing about your day'. You might also try 10 minutes of real physical activity to help them express their cooped up craziness - maybe let them run around on the school playground. Or let them know that you will be stopping at a park on the way home to run around and play for 15 minutes.

It is perfectly appropriate to tell them 'don't talk that way, speak nicely to me' and certainly - 'no spitting'. I did not tell my son 'we speak nicely' because it was clearly untrue and he could see he was not speaking nicely. I told him 'to speak nicely'. Small distinction but some kids are sticklers for detail and you don't want them to get bogged down in them and miss the real information.

Asking a 3 year old to have total impulse control for 4 days for a reward is way beyond normal age appropriate skills. I would say the same for the 6 year old. Besides - you don't want them to behave for a reward, you want them to internalize their behaviors and motivation.

I personally think the 'Have a new kid by Friday' book borders on abusive and 1-2-3 magic is horrible. I would look at "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"

You have some good suggestions here, but i want to add that kids this age respond best to immediate reinforcement. They are not going to wait 4 days to get a reward for thier behavior. Just come up iwth smaller incentives.

Sit them down and tell them what they cannot do/say. Tell them these are the rules. Make a list with pictures if you want to. Tell them if you do this, your consequence will be X. This way it is all layed out for them for the next time this happens. My son was just like this at age 3. He'd get so mad when he did not get his way. When he is mad, do not go into any lengthy explanation. If he hits or calls names remind him calmly that NO, this is NOT allowed, now you must have your consequences. If you are in the car just totally ignore him till you get home and then without any discussion give him a time out in his room or wherever (or whatever you choose your consequence to be). Things that worked for my son were a time out in his room, no dessert that night, taking away of the toy he threw or taking away his all time favorite toy. Stop explaining over and over to them - it just does not work as well. Good luck!