Help! My 3Yr Old Always Has a Meltdown When It Is Time to Leave

jennifer I am a mother of 2 boys 10 an 13. but i also have done daycare for the past 14 years because i have always been a stay at home mom. dealing with not only my kids but other peoples i can only share some things that have worked for me. 1)DO NOT OFFER THE SWEETS AS IT WILL BECOME A HABIT!!
2) TRY MAKEING A CHART. TELL HIM ( FOR EXAMPLE) WHEN YOU GET 10 STARS WE WILL GO TO THE PARK. (DRAW STARS FOR HIM OR EVEN FUNNER LET HIM PUT THE STICKER STARS THERE.) GIVE HIM A STAR FOR CLEANING UP AT THE END OF THE NIGHT, BUSHING HIS TEETH, EXTRA THINGS LIKE HELPING WITH THE BABY. TELL HIM..... WHEN WE GO TO THE PARK WE HAVE 30 MIN. OR HOW EVER MUCH TIME YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM. GIVE HIM YOUR 5 MIN WARNING BEFORE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE AND THAT IS IT. BUT HERE IS THE TRICK YOU TAKE YOUR STICKERS. BEFORE YOU EVER LET HIM OUT OF THE CAR YOU TELL HIM WHEN IT IS TIME TO GO IF YOU DONT THROW A FIT YOU CAN HAVE 2 STICKERS INSTEAD OF ONE TO GO TOWARD NEXT TIME OF GETTING TO GO AND IF HE HAS A FIT NOT ONLY WILL HE NOT GET THOSE 2 STICKERS BUT HE WILL LOOSE 2 OFF HIS BOARD. IT BECOMES A GAME AND ALSO TEACHES THEM SELF CONTROL AND RESPONSABILITY. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND I HOPE IT WORKS AS WELL AS IT HAS FOR MYSELF AND OTHERAS THAT HAVE TRIED IT.

Jennifer my son was the same way hopefully they grow out of it - keep on doing the warning but dont tell him the minutes and find some you can tell him he or you will do after you got home or where ever you are going to.Also try to stop him playing, before and have him come and give you a hug or look @ some ( different from what he was doing ).
If it come bad just carry him out and dont argue when you do that.
Hope this was some help and hope it will work.
C.

I agree with Conny: The best way to ease the drama of leaving, is to make the next stop (MORE EXCITING) I'm gettin hungry....We should go get some of those cookies I bought you. or "I feel like having an ice cream....Do you? I can see him racing to the car now!!! lol screaming to go!!! That would be a switch huh?? lol Good luck to you

A suggestion that has worked well for me is playing a game to follow rules with your toddler. Have you tried "Simon Says" or "Follow the Leader" at home. I have tried this in Public and it works. Example: Simon says, "Follow the leader and march to the car." Your child can be the leader too. It's worth a try, hope it works:)

I have twin 4.5 year old boys - and they REALLY hated leaving the park, too...I can tell you that this stage gets easier as the little guys get older.

One thing that I do for my kids now is tell them fifteen minutes before we are leaving that I am setting the timer. I actually use my alarm on my cell phone - and then they know when they hear the alarm that it is time to get up and go. I actually use this at home with time outs - and for activities like crafts - even at meal times in the a.m. before we have to run off to school.

We also have a reward system at home - stickers for good days with more good than bad behaviors. At the end of the week we do something over-the-top fun like go roller skating - to the water park - or to see a new movie. This is a bit trickier with twins because if one doesn't do well they really take missing out to heart.

I hope these suggestions help...Good luck!

When you offer him sweets, it doesn't necessarily mean you are "bribing" him to leave without a tantrum. We all work for rewards, so just consider it as him "earning" the sweets for not having the behavior. That is the best solution. I fully believe in reinforcers (they make a huge difference in my kid's lives). Eventually, you will be able to fade the sweets reinforcer and offer a more "natural" reward like your praise, smiles, hi-fives...but that will be when he gets older. Also, only remind him ONE time of the sweet that you have for him. He will probably test to see if you'll give in and give it to him anyway. (HOLD YOUR GROUND because three year olds are smart...he will know what he has gotten away with)! Good luck to you...C.

My 2.5 yr old boy does not like transitioning either. Giving him a time limit warning before you just up and go will help. Even if your child doesn't understand the concept of time, he will start to recognize that when you say, "Johnny, you have 5 more minutes to play and then it is time to go," he will understand.

Oh boy have I been there. I have boy/girl twins, and one time they both had a huge tantrum because they did not want to leave a public place. It was hideously embarrassing, but my husband and I dragged them out of the place screaming and crying. I think they were around 3 years old at the time. The tantrum continued all the way to the car which was not close by. My son is usually the one who has the meltdowns when we have to leave places, and I too always try to issue warnings because he has never been good at transition. A lot of times it works, but not always, and my kids are now 4 1/2. It has gotten better.

Instead of bribing him with sweets, maybe you can tell him that if you don't leave now you won't have time for something else later--such as playing with a favorite toy, watching a favorite show or reading a special book. That might work, but every child is different, so you just have to find out what does it for him. Or you could tell him before you go to the park that he needs to leave when you say it's time and if he has a tantrum he will not be able to go back the next time.

The school thing is harder because he has to go there. I had problems with mine leaving school. They were having such a good time or in the middle of something and didn't want to leave. Sometimes that still happens, but it has gotten a LOT better. I just kind of went with it. I would tell them we had to go and then say if you don't come, I'm going to start walking away because we have to leave now and everyone else will be going soon. Sometimes there was even more crying because they thought I would leave them, but I was desperate to find a way to get them to come with me, and it worked pretty well.

Lots of luck. All of these things are totally normal!!!