Help! My 3 Year Old Is Getting Unruly

I'm not sure, but I can't wait to read the responses.

Like many of the women who posted before me said-Consistency is key. One deviation from our bedtime schedule really threw my husband for a loop. He let our 3 yro dd convince him to let her brush her teeth in the morning. Our steadfast bedtime routine has always been Potty, Pull-Up, PJ's, Teeth Brush, Bed/Story. The next time it was his turn to put her to bed she tried the same "brush teeth in morning". When he said no-It was SCREAMING time! I stepped up to back him up and we got through the 'ordeal'. She still trys it every now & then but knows it's a fruitless fight. Grandma absolutely has to respect your boundaries as well. We have that battle every now and then. Grandma has recently figured out that she has to discipline our dd when she keeps her. You know how 3yr olds push and push!! So, that actually worked itself out, but it took 3+ years!! For getting him to sleep in his own bed-try taking him shopping for sheets/blankets that HE wants and make his bed with them. Reward charts really work for us. The best ones we use are the ones from Chuck-E-Cheese. She really likes playing there, so I print them out from the website and follow it. They get tokens for completing the chart when they visit C-E-C. Remember: he doesn't hate you and you are a great mommy! Good Luck!!

Hello, I can sympathize a bit. I am the mother of 2 boys, elementary age and I used to teach 3 year olds in preschool. Everyone says the terrible twos but the threes can be difficult for a completely different reason. The twos are busy physically. The threes are figuring out their emotions. They have learned 100s or words and aren't afraid to use them. They have learned that the adults in their lives will respond to the words they choose to say.
You asked for advice and this is mine for what it is worth. First, you and your husband need to sit down away from junior and talk. You need to decide, together, what the rules are and what the consequences are for broking the rules. It is a must that you agree on these consequences because otherwise one of you will be undermining the other. If junior doesn't do what he is told then he sits in time out for a specified amount of time. Do not try to explain to him why he is going to time out at this point. Junior won't listen because he's too busy trying to express his since of injustice. Once the discipline is over and he's calmed down then you can in simple terms explain why he was disciplined. You have to be CONSISTENT. Kids, even three year olds, will play the lottery. If you let something slide one out of 4 times then he'll play the lottery. It is tiring at first because he will fight you. No one likes discipline. However, you have to think long term. Right now it's running the other direction down the hall way when you call him. In a few years, he'll run the other way in front of a car. In a few more years, he'll defy your authority in other ways with more severe consequences then a time out.

About your mom, explain how you feel about your sons negative attitude and what you and your husband are going to do to correct it. You are his mother, she is the grandmother. If she's unsupportive then limit his time at her house. She can visit at your house where she won't be able to interfere as much. If she tries stand up and don't let her.

About the bed issue. I would get the sleep book by Dr. Ferber. He has several good techniques for transitioning kids to there own beds and sleeping. Admittedly, junior will resist you at first.

Remember, "It's a kids job to push the boundaries, it's a parents job to hold them." -Dr. Dobson.

I hope this helps.
Have a blessed day.

P.S. Another good book is Boundaries for Kids.

Hope you don't take this kid to restaurants! BE the parents! Take control of your 3 year old. Sounds like he needs a few nights of crying in his own bed and a few spankings. If Grandma, can't follow your rules and respect your discipline tactics then don't let her keep the child. She will start to see things your way!

everyone says "terrible twos" but it's really at three! it has been three with all mine! a couple of ours slept in our bed, too. don't let anyone make you feel bad- there's no one right way to raise a child because every child has a different spirit and will need different things. we got ours back in his bed by telling him we'd "sleep in HIS bed" i'd sit next to it with my head down on it and tell him i'd have to leave if he threw a fit. at first it took several times of leaving and coming back for him to get the message that i wasn't going to cave. then he realized if he wanted me there, he'd have to lay down. soon i was able to leave after a few minutes, saying i'd be back in a few minutes. he was always asleep before i got back. as for timeout: there were a couple times where we had to lock his door from the outside- so he'd stay on timeout. we'd open after a couple minutes and ask him if he was ready to be a big boy so he could come out. most of the time that was enough, but there werew times we'd have to re-shut the door and try again- but it worked. i know it sounds terrible locking them in like that, but it's better than a lot of alternatives. good luck! my third child just turned three, so were are right there with you!

Hi M.. Well I will begin to say I have a 4 year old who is starting to do the same thing. He is talking back and rolling eyes and just doesn't listen. Time outs worked in the beginning and now they somewhat work. I want say that I do have a 19month old son as well. With my oldest son I try to have just "Dylan time" with me and/or my husband. I did buy games like trouble, chutes and ladders, and candy land ( games that his brother can't play, but he can) and he is very excited when I do play with him. I explained to him that when Dylan is good, mommy will play with him and when he isn't good, then we won't play any games. I seemed to work. Also, try making a chart with him and take him to the store and let him pick out the stickers and when he is good he gets a sticker and when he isn't, then one is taken away. Also, since I am usually by myself when it comes to bedtime, I do tell Dylan before hand how the night is going to go. Example: We are going to eat our supper, take our bath, and then go to bed with no problems and he will agree with me. It kinda prepares him to go to bed. When my husband is home for bedtime, I do the same thing b/c it some sort of consistency thing for him. I hope I could help and I am very new to this site so let me know if it did anything for you. Good Luck!
K.

My older daughter (now 6) was VERY unruly from the age of 1 and at 3 our pediatrician recommended behavior therapy. Our behavior therapist told us to go home and read a book by Thomas Phelan called '123 Magic'. We bought the book, read it, and tried really hard to follow everything we read. I also made my mother read it because at the time she watched her while I worked. It was amazing the difference we saw. You just have to be CONSISTANT, and be sure everyone is doing the same! We continued the behavior therapy for a few months until we realized that everything he was telling us to do was in the book!
Hope the book helps!

You are not terrible you are living life. When she is mouthy correct her in a simple manner down on her level (eye level) tell her this is not what we do...have her sit down 3 mins period. If she gets up walk her back 3 mins at this points it's a battle of the will..you have to win and be consistant period. Grandma must work with you period later in life this will be more difficult and worse. The bed issues Let him know what night he needs to sleep in his bed get him a new teddy or something to sleep with him, take him to his bad that night put him to bed with his new teddy or whatever if he gets up you tell him you need to sleep with teddy (whatever toy) in your room take him back. If he comes out again without talking carry him, walk him doesn't matter he goes back to his bed. If he has fits just walk him back to his room it will be horrible until he gets it, you will as you signed up to be a parent it's in the contract get no sleep until be caves be prepared this will happen or give up and just let him in your bed. You and/or him will have to be uncomfortable unhappy and yes there will be tears. The reason I understand that he still will send kisses your way is because it's a battle of wills if you don't do this now then you'll need to do it next year if not then the following and it gets harder as they get older. Now on everything keep your reasons short he 3 not 33 and Grandma must get on board no options you are not hurting him you are letting him know he's not in charge and the world and his parents have rules period. Give him a chart in the very beginning get stickers if her breaks rules like taking bad to mom and dad he gets a check mark if he talks good a stick let him put it on if he's good for 5 days have a dollar prize for him a goody bag he can get a prize from or just hand him one or you can do it at the end of each day remember he's only 3. My best wishes to you I started some of these things too late for one child and have regrets and I didn't have support while trying.

He is at the age where he wants to do things his way and develop his independence but still have a sense of security. This is normal. I have found with my 4 year old that diversion is a great tool. Sometimes when she acts up (and already knows better) I ignore it and distract her by doing something silly or by diverting her to a new activity like reading a book together. I am not excusing or accepting the behavior, just picking my battles and trying to put more positives than negatives in our relationship. During the quiet moments I teach her what is expected. I find that when she is upset is not the best time for a lesson/lecture. I prefer to get to the root of the problem (boredom, needing attention, hungry, tired, wanting to feel in control, needing reassurance...). I rarely use time outs or punishments with my five children (ages 8 months to 10 years). Try to frame the situations so they are win-win so that one of you doesn't have to "lose." (For example, rather than scolding him for not picking up his toys, just move on to "let's see if we can make it a game to do together.")
As for the sleeping issues, you could try some sort of reward system. Perhaps he can get a new stuffed toy that he can only have when he is sleeping in his own bed. (or a sticker chart or other incentive program that highlights how "grown up" he is). If that's too much of a leap, try letting him sleep on the floor in your room for a while or you could stay in his room until he falls asleep. I tell our four year old that she has to start in her own bed but that she can come sleep on the floor in our room if she wakes up in the middle of the night with a bad dream. She feels better knowing she has that as a fall back. Good luck!!!

My advice would be to be consistant all the time. My 3 year old told me once that she hated me, I clipped her in the mouth. Not to hard but she never told me again. The fits, I would put her on a chair and cover her mouth until she settles. You need to let her know now how is boss or soon she'll control you. You need to let your mom get upset, and tell her that if she loved him she would want her to be disaplined. Just don't give in, I think you'll see results. Disaplining is the hardest thing to do as a parent. But remember now is the time not 5 or 10 years from now.
Good luck

I recently recommended this book to someone else, but it bears repeating. The book 1-2-3 Magic is just that, magic! It explains to us parents that a 3 year old is too young to process a lot of explanation when they do something wrong. They just need to know specifically what they did that was unacceptable and that this is always going to be the punishment for that behavior.

If it makes you feel better, it sounds like he's a normal 3 year old testing his boundaries. You are NOT a terrible mommy. This is just something that appens to our little boys about this age. I've heard that we will eventually get our angels back if we can live through this transition. LOL

I hope this helps.

K. M

Okay, so I don't really have a 3 year old. Actually, my child is only 2 months old. But I use to teach 3 year olds in a preschool. I just wanted to offer you some encouragement. This too shall pass. With some determination and consistancy, you can teach him that his good behavior will be rewarded and his bad behavior will have consequences. And just when you think that he is never going to get it, the light will come on and he will catch on. I have seen even the most difficult children change with consistancy. Just be consistant. Don't give up. You will make it and so will he!

As someone who has a 4 yr old I know how frustrating it can be to have a child try to push you to the limit and test your patience. I have learned that the more frustrated you seem the more they will act out and nothing will get solved. At this age and up until hopefully 5 lol kids will do whatever it is that you DONT want them doing. If you tell them no to playing then they cry and whine but if your begging them to go play in their room while your on the phone they don't want to.They may not do it intetionally to be cruel and more then likely it's just their way of discovering themselves but the more you fight them the more they fight back. Me and my husband have learned that solving the problem together and both having the patience will show your child you stand your ground. That doesnt mean that all tantrums will stop but it will make them shorter and you can show him how to let out his frustration. Maybe if you and daddy talk to him and have daddy act like he's mad...say he cant find his shoes...not really mad but have him cross his arms and stop his feet or act like your son does to give him a good laugh and say watch how daddy solves his problem and have your husband pretend to stop and think and have him work out his problem and find his shoes. Sounds silly I know but kids mimic us as well as their peers.We also have our son on a steady nighttime schedule.. he does the same thing every night and at the same time.You can also keep a certian schedule all day like I do. They generally eat,nap,play around the same time and order each day...it helps me alot!

My advice would be to find out what is most important to your child to remove as a consequence. That may be toys, TV time, computer time, time with mommy, anything. I have found with all three of my kids ages 5-12 that they could care less about time outs. They didn't like standing with their nose in the corner though because they can't see what is going on around the house. Good luck.

I can sympathize with you on the grandma thing. My mother in law was this way. She would let him do things she knew we didn't let him do such as jump on the bed and climb on the back of the sofa. These are things he could get hurt doing! When we would reprimand him she would say "he's allowed to do it at Me-Me's house." This sent him mixed messages and of course he thought he could get away with these things at home. Then when I would reprimand him at home he would say "Me-Me lets me, I'm telling on you!" I tried talking to my mother in law but it seemed to do no good. Finally I told my husband he had to tell her, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings so he wasn't firm enough with her. I ended up having to just keep him away from her for a while. When she would ask if he could come over I would think of some excuse or make other plans for him. I think she finally got the message and it has gotten some better. She no longer lets him do "dangerous" things but I can not get her to stop constantly buying things for him. He is so spoiled and expects me to buy some extravagant thing every time we go to the store just because she does. My husband has been no help on this either. Once again I had to turn to the method of keeping him away from her. Maybe because it is your mom you will have more pull if you talk to her. Grandparents mean well, but you are the parent.

I wouldn't worry about your son sleeping with you...many perfectly healthy and normal kids sleep with their parents. As for the screaming, I would isolate him from attention when he does that. He should eventually figure out that he will not be given the attention he craves when he is rude to his parents. Finally, you are his parents, and are responsible for parenting him. If grandparents butt in, sweetly remind them that God gave you the responsiblity for guiding your son-so please do not interfere unless asked. Good luck-you're not a horrible mother at all!!!