Help! My 14-Month- Old Doesn't Sleep Anymore.

Updated on February 05, 2010
K.K. asks from Carlsbad, CA
17 answers

Please help me! My 14-month-old has never been a good sleeper. He prefers to sleep in our bed, and is still nursing, 2 things that have always made sleep an issue with him. He has gone from waking up 2-3 times per night (to nurse), to waking up at 1am and staying awake till 3-4 am. My husband and I are losing it! We NEED sleep desperately.

I need lots of advice. How do I start weaning? How do I train him to fall asleep without nursing (he doesn't give in to crying it out)? And, finally, how do I get him to sleep through this teething process?

Thanks in advance!
K.

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M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

my little guy did not sleep through until 14months...someone told me I was giving in, so I set a 30 minute timer FOR ME!!!...if he was crying after 30 min, I would comfort him again....it usually worked for me, but I also found Hylands homeopathic teething tablets, and they were a MIRACLE! I asked my pharmacist if they were safe, and he thought those ingredients would not work, but THEY DID!!! good luck, hun...

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C.Y.

answers from Los Angeles on

The book - "no Cry Sleep Solution" has some good advice in it and has helped me a lot.
I give my son Ibuprofen or Tylenol when he's teething otherwise he won't sleep.
I don't have the heart to let him cry it out. LIttle by little we've been changing the sleep environment so he's been getting used to sleeping without the boob.
Good luck!

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A.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

It is probably a phase connected to teething. It happens but rarely for more than a few nights. My guess is he won't sustain it and he'll go back to sleeping more or less through the nights (with period nursing). We also co-sleep and sometimes the nighttime nursing drives me insane.I'm hoping my 14 mo old will wean soon. (His twin brother went cold turkey at 12 mo - his doing).) I'm not pushing it for now but rather hoping that as he sleeps for longer periods of time, he'll gradually not nurse. It seem better already although his loves,loves, loves to nurse in the morning hours.Good luck!

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V.A.

answers from Atlanta on

Have yopu tried the allnatural teething tabletds? They are soooo great. My 12 month old is teething and we stared giving her those and she is not crying at all slleeps all night. Yopu can find at Walmart Walgreens CVS V.

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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't have advice, sorry, but just wanted you to know I am going through the same thing and it is so hard, I understand. Today I am just feeling so depressed because it has been so long since I've slept. Last night I tried to leave him a little longer because my back is aching from picking him up and putting him down, and in our bed he just rolls around and dives into me for hours, but he just screams full throttle if I leave him for five minutes. He's almost fifteen months, and never slept well, needs to nurse to sleep too, and he always seems to be teething. What do we do if we can't do cry it out? I wish I had answers!

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

You did not give a schedule of his day. What time does he wake up? Do you try to give him a morning nap? Does he have an afternoon nap? What times? What time do you all eat dinner and give him his bath to get ready for bed? What are your evenings like? Do you follow the schedule every day? How active is he?

Children need structure. A schedule is a great way to establish structure. As parents one of the hardest things is that we are not as able to be impromptu, because our children really need to know what is going to happen next. Also children's bodies need rest, but they also need some "very active time."

Try to establish a schedule so that each day you will get your work done, but he will also have time to be active. The more active he is, the more he will grow and the more tired he will be for his sleeping times.

If he wakes up at 7:00 am, make sure he eats a good breakfast. Give him some playtime with floor type toys. Then get him outside for a bit of active play. Running, climbing, throwing.. Let him be verbal, loud really active etc.

Then give him a small snack and maybe run an errand. Not longer than 1hr. 30 min. Then bring him home and give him his lunch and then a quiet time of a story and then a nap. Turn off all noise makers around the house. Your phones, tv etc.. Make sure his room is darkened, maybe play a quiet music CD or story CD. He can breast feed or give him a bottle while reading to him. Do not engage him in any conversation. Then Let him have his nap.

When he wakes up, more play with toys or helping you do "chores" , unload the dryer. Find all of the socks in the basket? Help me pick up leaves outside. Then another errand if needed or Very active play time. Hide and seek, races, pulling the wagon. Then time to get dinner ready. He can play on the floor next to you. Maybe stacking cans? Maybe a canvas bag filled with toys, putting things in the bag, taking things out of the bag. Show me the car, show me the ball. Playtime with dad and you but not too loud or active.

Have a nice dinner. Be careful not to be too loud. As long as your child gets really riled up it will take him to calm down. Sometimes twice as long. Turn off the TV.

Bath time should be quiet, and the house slightly darkened so that it does not look like there is anything interesting about to go on.

During the bath, have really warm water and use strong rubs like a massage. Then wrap him in his towel and carry him into a slightly darkened room. Dry him with strong strokes, use quiet voice tones. Breast feed him or give him his bottle while you read him a story.If he has a bottle, lay him in his crib while he drinks. When he is finished with his bottle, rub him slightly while you read. Read slower and slower while reading. Do not engage him with the book. Do not ask him questions. He should be pretty worn out.

If he wakes in the middle of the night, give him a few minutes, he may settle down. If he needs to have a diaper change, change him in total darkness, no conversations, then lay him down and he may go right to sleep. If he needs to breast feed do it in the dark, no conversation. Or make sure you have a bottle ready so you can give him a small bottle.

In the beginning getting him to sleep on his own may involve some crying. Just close the door and check on him in 5 min. only if he is crying. do not touch him, just peek and tell him "it is time for him to sleep". If he cries again, give him 10 minutes. then 15. etc.

Sometimes starting this new routine is best on the weekends cause there may not be much sleep for anyone in the house.

I am sending you strength.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi K. - i have a 15 month old boy teething as well - getting his molars -- and they are taking FOREVER to come in... going on 5 weeks. He's still nursing too, and he wakes a few times during the night -- then wakes up at 5am daily 'needing' me to nurse -- and he'll nurse for about an hour. Think it feels good on his gums rather than really wanting any milk i might have. I don't typically go in and get him at night -- unless he's really crying.. and he usually fusses himself back to sleep. I do give him motrin at night before bed and sometimes tylenol during the day before naptime to ensure he's getting good rest and not disturbed by the teething pain. I've tried the teething tablets.. not sure they really work well, i end up still giving him tylenol/motrin. With both my kids, they've weened themselves.. or i'm allowing them to do so... but i'm not really thinking that when they're teething is a great time to ween -- it's comfort for them when they're hurting. My suggestion, though, is to have your husband occassionally put him down to sleep after giving him a little milk. Good luck!

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R.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

To get my son to stop nursing at night (he was at the same frequency as your child) I had to sleep away from him for several nights. He also slept in our bed and my husband just stayed with him and I slept on the sofa. He woke up frequently for a few nights and my husband did his best to console him back to sleep. When I returned to the bed and he would wake up, I would just tell him 'no' and snuggle him instead. He would be upset, but usually go back to sleep okay. After a few nights of this, he just started sleeping longer and better and didn't expect to nurse if he did wake up.

That's how we broke our nighttime pattern. Maybe it would work for you.

Good luck!

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A.Y.

answers from Los Angeles on

If he is teething, giving him something cold to chew on before bed would help a bit, along with a little tylenol just before bed. But make sure he doesn't have an ear infection, that can make a child restless and uncomfortable while sleeping, he won't want to lie down unless he has to. You might want to also examine your diet-has it changed recently? There may be something in your milk that is triggering the wakefulness- maybe caffeine? He may also be going through a growth spurt, and may need a bit more food before bed to keep him satisfied-breast milk digests very quickly, and so he will be after you to nurse pretty often if he is having growing pains.

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L.S.

answers from New London on

Have you tried tylenolor motrin??

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A.H.

answers from San Diego on

At this point I would just stop nursing cold turkey. And with my kids, crying it out meant that they cried until they fell asleep, no matter how long that took. After that they cried less and less. It sounds like you're at the end of your rope so anything you do from this point on is going feel drastic at first. The key is to be consistent. If you're not then your son is going to stay the way he is. Even at 14 months, the kids know at least a little bit how to get what they want and how much they can push before getting what they want. I know that sounds weird but I've seen it happen. Little kids who don't want to sit during our church meetings, cry and get taken out where they then get to run around the halls. When picked up to go back into the meeting, they cry, get set down, and continue running in the halls.
Making things better isn't going to be easy and you're going to feel like you're being so mean. But your son will adapt if you're consistent with your changes and soon things will be better.

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A.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

unfortunately, their sleep patterns change about this time. especially when they are teething. they are in a lot of discomfort, and by this age, they are using nursing as comfort rather than anything else. if he is drinking from cups, have husband wake and offer a cup instead of you. if you try to offer anything other than your breast, baby will be frustrated and his feelings will be hurt. also, you have to be ready for it emotionally. stopping and starting again will be very confusing to the baby, and frustrate you because there will not be any progress. alos, and this is a big also, see if it is possible for you to leave for a few days. leave baby with hubby, and take a break! it did wonders for me.

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C.R.

answers from Reno on

Ummm. He doesn't give in to crying it out because you give in. wear ear plugs if you need to. Put him in his bed and keep putting him in his bed. Who's the parent here? Tough love dear. and "stick to it-ness. Maybe start on a weekend...when you don't have to go to work. that might get a good start. Sometimes quiet music works too. I never kept a quiet house with my kids or grandkids..just a recipe for disaster. Good luck.

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A.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am not a fan of ignoring a crying child. What message are we giving them? That we are not there for them, that they are alone in this world? If they can't trust us, who are they going to trust? Perhaps it is a philosophical point.
Weaning at 14 months is very doable. A nurse, nutritionist,breast feeding expert helped me through my weanings (one at 14 month, one at 28 months) Protein at regular intervals throughout the day will keep his hunger at bay, so nursing becomes more about comforting (not a terrible thing:)) does he like cheese, tofu,chicken? You will have to invest more "active" time with him, playing games and using toys, puzzles, blocks whatever to keep him occupied and with you, but away from the breast. Best to choose one feeding at a time to give up, and give it a week-2weeks to settle in. I kept the morning feeding for the last one to give up. I would have them next to me in bed, we would doze in and out together. It gave me a little extra sleep and it was so sweet.
It really does go fast! So, learn to enjoy it, bumps and all.

A.S.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I feel your pain! So great you are still nursing though, good for you!!!! I unfortunatelly do not have a good advice because I had my daughter of pacifier at 5 months and sleeping through the night at 12 months, but I can tell you what helped ME. Dr. Harvey Karp books and dvds. I woudl try that.
I can tell you though that it may be a good idea to put him in hi sown bed and get him used to it. It wont be easy since he is used to you comforting him all the time and he doesnt really know how to fall back to sleep it sounds like. So be ready for some crying though. I am sorry I dont have a better advice for you.
good luck!

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B.S.

answers from Honolulu on

To wean my son I started reducing the number of times I nursed by one or two every week. I.E. FIrst week was 8 times per 24 hours, Second week 7 times, Third week 5 times.... etc. By the end of the month he was weaned, and I was never terribly engorged.
As far as sleep issues go, buy a copy of 'Healthy Sleep Habit, Happy Baby' by Marc Weissbluth. I can't recommend this book enough. My friend was desparate a few weeks ago because she wasn't getting any good quality sleep and she was getting depressed. Well, she borrowed my copy of this book and within 3 weeks her baby was sleeping through the night. My son is very happy, well-bahaved and helpful so don't be afraid of doing the tough thing to help your son sleep through the night. I had to let my son cry it out for a week (the first night was 8 hours), as well as teaching specific nap times, but within a month he was happier and so was I.

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L.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

As far as weening goes, I had success with my 3 children by cutting out one feeding every three days and replacing it with formula until they were just drinking formula. Cut out a night feeding first and it is easier to start. This helped to not have pain from becoming engorged and did not make them feel as if they were being cut off cold turkey. Good luck! My two older daughters never slept with me, but our new daughter who is 2 has slept with us since she was a few weeks old. I have put her toddler bed next to our bed and so far she has been sleeping in it until 4 or 5 in the morning then crawls into our bed. She gets better each night, so soon she should be in her bed all night...

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