I need help! I am freaking out! My mother-in-law is doing a cross country roadtrip with the grandkids for 3 weeks over the summer...She is wanting to take our daughter who has Epilepsy (and just recently got released from the hospital) and she has a new anti-seizure medication on board. My husband thinks this is a wonderful idea...However, I don't think so! I am concerned about her not being here where her pediatric neurologist and pediatrician are. She was seizure-free for 6 years (from 4 to 10) and she has recently had 2 seizures that put her into the hospital. On top of this, they found a cyst on her brain that wasn't there before... She still isn't fully recovered. What do I do?!?! This is going to cause a mess....
Well - Thank you ladies for ALL of the responses!!! We ended up back that the doctor/hospital today. Her heart is only beating 55 beats per minute and normal for her is 90-110 bpm. So obviously there is something else going on. Her doctor and neurologist are supposed to be consulting with eachother today. We also have an appointment at Riley with her cardiologist. I have told my mother-in-law and my husband both that there will be NO trip (that was scheduled for June 16th, just a little more than 2 weeks away). I also recommended that my MIL get CPR and First Aid certified. I think she thinks I am overreacting, but I do have my certifications! :) Love my mother-in-law and would totally not mind if our daughters health was more stable. My husband and I also agreed to take Emily to the beach (possibly during the 3 weeks grandma will be gone) for a 5-7 day vacation granted that her health improves and we get to the bottom of what is causing all of these issues! Thanks again!
Keep her close to you, Mama, for the next few months. It can take awhile for the new meds to even out.
:)
Just say no! She is probably not equipped to deal with multiple children one of which has a potentially dangerous medical condition. No way!
Absolutely NOT unless you are going on the trip too. Do not let anyone talk you into letting her go - or make you feel like you're crazy or overprotective. My daughter has asthma (mild) and can pass out from pain/trauma and there are very few people I will let take her anywhere. No, no, no!
Get all the details about the trip. Give the details to the doctors - if she's not fully recovered and can't do it, THEY will tell you and you can tell your hubby and MIL that the doctor's say no. And if the docs say go ahead, you'd feel better about it.
talk to her doctor, if necessary, let him be the bad guy. as in, i'd love to let her go but her doctor says no
First thing I would do is get all the details from Grandma about the trip.
Then, I would put a call in to both your daughter's pediatrician & neurologist and ask them for their thoughts about it. They may not want to tell you "yes it's fine" or "no, don't let her go." But if they think that it's a bad idea, they will tell you. Ask them if they do think it's okay, what preparations are needed (should MIL get First Aid certified? What meds, etc. should be packed, outside of her normal meds? What kind of paperwork should MIL have on hand in case of an emergency, besides a copy of the health ins? Etc).
However, after talking with them, if you're not reassured, just tell Grandma that, due to her recent seizures and changes in meds, the doctors don't think it's the wisest idea to do a 3 week trip away from home. Instead, suggest that she and granddaughter pick a day trip somewhere within the driving area (30 to 90 miles of home), or even an overnight trip within 3-4 hours of home, if you think that would work.
If you do decide, after talking to the docs, that it's possibly feasible, run through some worst case scenarios with your MIL. Plan them out--what will she do, etc.? Also, has your MIL ever seen or dealt with your daughter's seizures? If your docs thinks it's okay, but they think MIL needs to First Aid certified, tell her so.
Don't be afraid to ruffle feathers if you have to (but saying it with a smile can make a difference! :). If you don't feel comfortable, tell DH so, and tell him that you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to DD while she was away.
You have no doubts about how you feel. Your only concern is how your MIL will feel, and you husband thinks it's a great idea god bless him. This is nice of you to care, but if these people are anything like my husband and MIL, they do not know what's best! SAY NO! "Due to recent medical experience and switching of meds it will have to wait until next summer when everything is going smoothly." The ONLY way I would consider this, would be if my daughter was DYING to go and there was a way for everyone to handle an emergency out on the road safely. Doesn't sound to me like there is, so I'd say no.
Tell them now is just not a good time. Give them a concrete amount of time you want your daughter to be seizure-free before she is a designated distance away from her doctor. Be specific.
BTW, has your daughter expressed her feelings on the subject? She's not old enough to make the decision for herself, but certainly old enough to be consulted.
This is simple, the answer should be "no".......no mess there! ;)
In all honesty I would talk to your daughter doctors and tell them the situation. Chances are they will agree with you and then you can blame it on the doctors.
You are the mother, don't allow any arrangement you are not comfortable. Is it possible to consult the neurologist for his/her opinion? can you go along? can your daughter go part of the trip? Again, don't agree to what you are not comfortable with Good luck and hope your daughter's health stabilizes.
It will cause a mess in the family possibly but you have to do whats best for your child in the end. If your daughter had gone longer without having a seizure then it might be a different story. But as you said she isnt fully recovered yet, and just got out of the hospital. You havent even had time to see if the new meds work yet, to be thinking about sending her off for 3 weeks without you.
I would explain very simply to you MIL no, you dont feel comfortable, she isnt fully recovered yet, and would like to give her time to, and are concerned if she were to have another episode. Scary stuff and she should understand. You arent being unreasonable you are being sensible and concerned for your child.
In the end you are the mother, and if you say no, that should be it. If she doesnt like it then she is going to have to tough.
Stand firm with what you feel is right.
Just tell her that with your daughters current condition that it isn't good for her to go on that kind of a trip, that she could possibly do it when she is seizure-free for X amount of months.
If this would be my daughter, I would say," thank you so much for being so thoughtful, and you are a great grandma," but under the circumstances right now, I would rather wait and see.....
I always do what seems right for us,never what seems right for others.
I rather cause a mess, or even make a decision, that seems stupid later on, but I made the decision for me.I'm in charge of my children, nobody else.
I had stopped talking to my husband's family for 8 years, now we are talking again, moved on,but I made my point and it was a right decision at the time.
if something would happen on that trip, that would cause even a bigger mess....
Say no. A cyst on her brain is serious and so are her seizures, if you MIL can't see that then I would question how safe any of the kids are with her.
Have you discussed it at length with Grandma? Damn, I wouldnt want to be in charge of my grandkids on vacation if my grandchild was vulnerable...
Chances are Grandma just doesnt know how serious this is and how you need to take the time to see how the new meds are working. Tell hubby to really explain it to her.
Wow, what fun! What a great experience for the grandchildren, and something they will remember all of their lives!
I recommend you don't freak out just yet. You didn't mention when in the summer MIL is planning this. Is it in July or August? That gives you at least a month to see how things go with your daughter, and get a plan from her doctor. If her doctor says it's okay with him/her, let her go on the trip. It would be so unfair that her cousins got to go and she didn't, (as long as her doctor says it's okay).
I also think YOU should make plans to go along on this trip so you are there for your daughter, and your peace of mind (but hang in the background as much as possible so you don't steal Grandma's show).
And if the doc says no, she shouldn't go, then that's the final answer. I can't imagine your husband or MIL arguing with the doctor!
But I hope for the sake of your daughter that she is able to make the trip. I still vividly remember the summers trips my cousins, brother and I had with our grandparents - what great memories!
I will say a prayer that your daughter is better this summer and able to have this experience.
Blessings to you both,
J.
thats a negative ghost rider! Your husband must not realize how traumatic it would be for his daughter to have a seizure while away with Granny, and Granny must not realize how traumatic it would be for her and the other children on the trip to have to handle something they are not prepared for on any level! NO NO NO AND NO!!!!
Tell her NO. You're the mama, and if you dont feel comfortable with the trip, dont have your MIL take your daughter. Plain and simple.
Protect your daughter. Do what is best for her. I don't think a trip away from her doctors or you is smart at all. What if something happens and you aren't there? The doctors that would see her would be unfamiliar with her case and wouldn't know how to handle what she is being treated for--they wouldn't know her or her history. Tell your MIL. thank you for offering but NO!NOT anytime soon either. Get her back on the road to recovery before thinking about this....Hope she is on the fast track to good health very soon. Take care, M
Definitely say no. You could talk to your MIL and tell her all that is involved with a seizure if she doesn't know. Describe what happens during the seizure, and what she and the other kids would be seeing. Tell her details about what would have to be done afterwards, from your daughter being disoriented and sleepy and having sore muscles to what the trip to the hospital will be like.
Maybe this will scare her enough to not want to take that on, and you can explain to her how scary this is from a mother's point of view and hopefully she will understand why you need to be close to your daughter.
No.
No.
NO!
Your MIL is not putting your daughter's health concerns/needs, first.
No way.
If something happens to your daughter... your Husband and MIL... will not be able to redo, that situation.
It is very selfish, of your MIL.. is she keeps insisting on this.
And please, do not give in to Hubby.
and agree.
I would talk to your daughter's doctor about these plans and get his input and support if needed. I am sure no one wants to put your child in any danger. If the doctor approves put safe guards in place. Your MIL may have to design her trip to fit your daughter's needs. Stops at places that have good hospitals, good sleep, check ins, etc
NO WAY!!! tell her maybe next year. follow your gut. you are her mother and you need to protect her.
Well MIL might not know all this involves, but I have to give her credit for wanting to treat your daughter the same as the other grand kids. My MIL has never really wanted to be involved with our kids, but when our daughter was diagnosed with diabetes she turned her back on her completely. MIL told us it just makes her feel sick being around anyone who has to give themselves shots and she didnt want anything to do with her. Well, we dont want to have much to do with MIL now. So, if you can, explain to grama how hard it would be to relax knowing your little girl is off where you cant be in control of things that happen. Let her know that you appreciate the offer but its just lousy timing right now. Maybe next year when daughter has been seizure free for months it will work out better. But really, Id be happy she asked.
Can you get your daughter's doctor to sign a paper that says she isn't well enough or stabilized on her new meds enough to go on such an extended trip. It sure would make your MIL miserable to have a sick child on the road--what a nightmare.
Absolutely not! How can she even ask????!
What is your MIL's healthcare background? Medically trained-medical assistant, Emergency medical training, CPR??? If any of these, maybe. Ask your daughter's neuro MD, he may say not right now. Share his advise with her, whatever it is. She probably wants to keep your daughter's life as "normal" as possible, sharing fun with other family members and herself. A immediate NO seems alittle harsh. If I were your MIL, I would not be afraid to take her with me, but I am a critical care RN and paramedic. If you told me absolutely no I would be a bit concerned you didn't trust me. See both sides, please.
I would call her doctors to discuss this trip with them. They may say that she is not well enough to travel or they might clear her to go. If they say no then you do not have to be the "bad guy" in this situation. If they clear her to go then you will have to decide whether or not this is a trip she can take. Good luck!
I would say no and explain that is because of the recent seizures, new medication, and the brain cyst. If the circumstances were different then she could go, but these things are beyond your control. She really does need to be near her doctors right now.
My son had epilepsy (thank God the seizures stopped at puberty) and when he was put on a new medication the doctor told me it was very important to monitor him very closely to make sure the new medication was working, and there were not reactions. That alone would be reason enough for me to say no to the trip.
Maybe grandma and your daughter can do something else fun together instead. And I'd try to do something fun with your daughter if she doesn't go on the trip so she doesn't feel like she's missed out on something. The epilepsy isn't her fault and it would be horrible if she felt she was missing out for something that is completely beyond her control.
I just wanted to respond to your "update" and say that I hope that everything works out with your daughter and that I hope that her health improves quickly and permantly. I can't imagine having a seriously ill child and just wanted to let you know that I will send prayers and warm thoughts to your family for your daughter's health. I can't even imagine how scary this situation must be for you and your family.
Where are they going? Does your daughter want to go? Will there be medical facilities available alone they way? Where her last two seizures life threatening and/or is she now on daily meds to prevent? Are the grands able to cope with the situation? What does her doc say? Can you go too?
I do understand, our kids NEVER get so old that we don't worry when they are hurt or sick.
Blessings.....
e.
