What is the best way to handle this?
My stepdaughter is 7 and we have her 3.5 days a week and her mother has her the other half of the week. Her mother is very controlling and she didn't want her oldest daughter to move back after graduation to live with her father. There was a fight and threats of throwing whatever you leave behind away, emptied her baank account and refused to fill out financial aid for her to attend college unless she stayed with her. The girl left anyway because she was tired of being controlled.
Now the mother will not allow her 7 year old to speak to her sister and has instructed us to comply. Well we pretty much said no that is not a healthy way to handle it and contacted the sister through facebook. We then arranged video chats and phone calls. Both girls were so happy to see each other, we all had tears.
Now the mom knows and is threatening to cause us grief. This is joint custody and her fight is with her daughter not us we don't want to be involved other than keeping the sisters relationship. WE don't talk about the issues with the older daughter we actually found out about the fight through another party, and it has not been discussed with us.
We also let her know that we feel our place is to support the sister relationship and no more and she repects it. Do we stop this or stick to our guns and do what we feel is right?
Mamma's,
Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement. As of now we are sticking to our guns and are continuing the web chats and calls. The lawyer said she would have to take us back to court and would more than likely be unsuccessful at detering the sisters from speaking. Why would a mother do this? We have know idea what she thinks she can gain from this behavior. It's just cruel. We have spoken to the girls aunt ( the mothers sister) and she told the older sister she is officially "disowned". Thank god she is with her father and has several family members for support. We will continue to do the right thing.
Best wishes to all of you.
Do what you think is the right thing to do. You may make "mistakes," but at least you were doing what you thought was right for you at the time. It's better to live with the consequences of doing the right thing than it is to have regrets over letting that good action slip by.
I really wish you guys the best of luck, and at the very least, both girls will know that there ARE good people in this world.
Do what feels right, do what is best for that child. Mom is being childish and selfish, and it is hurting her children.
Stick to your guns.
UNLESS it is specifically written into your parenting plan that person X is not allowed contact with the child in question, your time is your time, and mom's time is mom's time. As long as what you're doing isn't abusive or illegal, you can do whatever/ have her contact or spend time with whomever you choose.
Ditto... talk with your lawyer... because mom may very well try and get that clause added into your parenting plan and forewarned is forearmed.
Stick to your guns! You could be setting an example for both girls & showing them you do what's right even if someone gives you trouble. The other mom sounds like a real jerk. You might let her know how the outside world perceives her for such horrible choices as a parent. Ask her if she thinks she is setting a good example as a parent or even a human being for that matter. When she gets too old to take care of herself is her daughter going to take part in the decisions that effect her quality of life. Ask her that too.
There seems to be little sense in that woman's attitude! Unless I was served with some sort of legal action prohibiting contact, I'd let those sissies see each other every chance I got!
Talk to your lawyer for sure. You don't want to cause grief for the 7 year old inadvertently by making her Mom fight your husband. You know the situation best, but respecting the Mom's feelings may go a lot further in resolving the matter. Maybe you can help her to accept a different type of relationship with her older daughter... eventually, if you respect her, and then the sisters can be re-united. Patience sounds best. Remind both sisters ALL is temporary as things change over time and they will gain more control as they get older.
Stick to your guns. The sisters need each other.
Stick to your guns and do what is right for these two girls!
We dealt with a similar situation with my stepson. His mother threw him out when he turned 14 (dropped him off at the curb at the airport and didn't talk to him at all for a year). She also kept him from seeing or talking with his two half-sisters for more than a year and a half. His full sister had court-ordered visitation with us, so they had some contact. If there had been any way we could have helped him have contact with his other two sisters, we would have done it.
Do whatever you feel is right in your heart for the kids. Its too bad the mom is trying to spoil the relationships-- sisters should be able to be sisters-- the fight had nothing to do with them- they should be able to keep their relationship. I would take what the mom said with a grain of salt. No one could argue that the relationship between the sisters was anything but positive. She doesn't have a leg to stand on.
M
If this a mutual custody arrangement, or is this a legal, court documented arrangement? If its just agreed upon I could see this crazy women yanking visitations from your husband and you. Which would result in all sorts of legal proceedings. If this is a legal, court documented custody arrangement.......and there is no court order prohbiting contact between the two sisters......stick to your guns!
How sad is it that she is preventing a 7 year old from talking to her older sister. She's probably worried that the older sister will try to get the younger one away from the controlling environment. Good Luck!
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