E.N.
I think I could have written your post almost word for word a few years ago. I also marvelled that anyone would have more than one child. This whole adventure is so much harder than I ever imagined. Just after my first baby was born, my midwife said something about "baby #2," my first baby was 9 lb 8 oz and I tore a bit. She said I could easily have a 10 lb baby and not tear (I thought, "you are crazy - I am NEVER having another baby!"). And that was only after labor and childbirth. Then parenting a newborn shattered my dream of happy parenthood. My resolve that I would never have another child only became stronger.
But then I remembered how my husband and I had talked about having 4 kids, or however many the Lord wanted to give us, and my husband still wanted 4+ kids, and I thought about my baby never having a sibling. I hated to let my husband down and make my very social firstborn be an only child. While I was considering these things and trying to accept the idea of another child, I got pregnant with #2. My first was 6 months old, and my husband was unemployed (I enjoyed working while my husband stayed home with the baby, but I didn't earn enough to support our family long term).
The employment issue was "fixed" a few months later, my husband got back into the Marine Corps and I became a stay at home mom again. So, although we were set financially, that has brought a whole other set of problems (a few moves and mainly that Daddy will be absent more than 1/2 of every year). I was blessed to have fairly easy pregnancies. I had terrible post-partum depression after the first baby, going back to work helped a lot, then getting pregnant with #2 seemed to fix it altogether - must be the pregnancy hormones.
My second pregnancy was easier than my first. I had some nausea, but nothing terrible. It did get harder in the last couple of months when I was so big and uncomfortable, and the baby wanted to be held a lot, etc. It was tough but I was able to manage it. He still napped for 2 hours twice a day until baby #2 was born, so I napped then also. I think God blesses us with this as second-time mommies. He knows what we need. You will be able to manage pregnancy and being a mommy. Even if this is another tough one, you have the "mommy strength" now, even if you don't realize you do.
As for having a newborn again. It will be hard. I don't want to live through those days ever again, but we got through it - and both kids survived! I had almost constant help for the first month, which was indispensable. My husband's work had taken us far from family, but between my mom, my oldest sister and two mother-in-laws, I had someone to help me with my 15 month old, while I took care of the baby for 4 weeks. My husband was working 16-18 hour days at that point, and I only had him on weekends if I was lucky, so I don't know how I would have survived without that help. I don't know if you have anyone willing to help, but hopefully your husband will be able to help a little (I know with a new business you may not know right now). And if finances improve by then, you could look into getting some part-time babysitting/nanny help for the first few weeks/months. But really, try not to think too much about that right now. 9 months is a long time and as it gets closer, I am sure the Lord will present the help that you need.
Have you ever heard of "On Becoming Babywise"? It has gotten a bad rap from several different angles, but I can't figure out why, for the life of me. It saved my life!!! I guess for people who don't realize they have a head on their shoulders and can adapt advice to their particular situation, it's not a good thing. And not every parent can thrive on a schedule (I had a few friends try and give up). In the book they can seem pretty dogmatic about several points. But if you use your head and understand that you and your baby are unique, it is awesome advice. I highly recommend it. My first baby began sleeping through the night (7-8 hours) at 6 weeks (it was off and on at first, then pretty consistent by 3 months), then he was sleeping 12 hours solid by 5 months. My second baby slept through the night from 3 weeks on - I couldn't believe it! And he also slept 12 hours solid by 5 months. For scheduling, I didn't live by the clock, but I found that loosely scheduling feedings helped me manage my day. And my babies never cried from hunger. Really, the only time they ever cried was when they needed to fall asleep for their naps - and that was only for the first few months.
There is no doubt about it. Having a newborn is hard. Even following Babywise. But it gets so much easier after the first few months. They sleep at night and you're not on pins and needles waiting for them to wake up. They have a consistent daily routine that they LOVE and they nap well. Life got so much easier once my second baby was into his third month. He stopped fussing at naptime, he was happy when he was awake, and he slept all night. It is still a lot of work taking care of 2 babies so close in age, but getting the sleep you (and they) need and getting breaks while they nap is a HUGE help.
I hope this helps a little. I know this is getting really long. But I want to help you! It does get better! I will not say that it is easy. This is still the hardest job on the planet, in my book, but you can manage it, and even enjoy it at times! My boys are 3 1/2 and 2 now. They absolutely adore each other. The best thing I ever could have done for my first born was give him his little brother. He loves him so much and has been trying to take care of him since the day he was born. When the baby was only a few weeks old, and my oldest was about 16 months, the baby started fussing in the swing so my oldest (still a baby) found his pacifier and put it in the baby's mouth and held it there till the baby got a "grip" on it (and we happened to be video taping when this happened!). My youngest loves his big brother more than anyone in the world, next to Mom and Dad. They wrestle now and the way my baby giggles is still the cutest sound I have ever heard.
No, I will not be having any more, and many days it is a struggle to handle the two that I have, but I know it will be worth it. I still don't feel like I can do this job, but I do it everyday, and somehow I'm surviving. And school is only a couple of years away now!!
One more thing... I have to recommend my Midwife to you. Even if you would never consider a homebirth, think about it and pray about it, and maybe even just go visit this lady for a free consultation. She makes pregnancy WONDERFUL, no matter how you feel about it. I was not happy to be having baby #2, but I was happy to get to visit my midwife again!! And her manner and gentle excitement really helped me be happier about my pregnancy. She may also have some natural ways to help with the difficulties, if you have those again with this pregnancy. My two births were intense and very hard, but I would never call them "traumatic." Though I don't ever want to experience labor pains again, both of my births were amazing experiences (and I would NEVER have considered homebirth in the beginning). And she was right about baby #2!! I had a 10 lb 6 oz baby with no tearing at all (and he came out in one push!). She didn't get to attend the birth of my second baby because we had moved by then, but we found a another midwife where we were living and had another amazing homebirth. I never would have thought of myself as a proponent for homebirth, but I couldn't imagine it any other way now. If you do want to call her, her name is Michelle Freund, she has an office attached to her home in Oceanside (right off the freeway, very convenient) and her number is ###-###-####. She goes to my church and I met her at a women's retreat when I was 22 weeks pregnant with #1. I didn't decide to have a homebirth until 33 weeks (at first I thought - absolutely not - then I slowly warmed up to it, but even up until the birth, I had my doubts, but now I say it is the only way!)
I hope this has not been worthless rambling. My boys are waiting for me to get them up from their nap so I really have to go, but please feel free to email me at any time for encouragement, questions, anything. I know where you are and I made it through (well, I'm still in the process!:) Sorry if all of this doesn't make sense. It's so long and I don't have time to edit!
God bless you! (and He will!)
