hello ladys, i think im ready to end my marrige with my husband of two years....im really unhappy and it dont seem to be getting any better:( im not sure how to go about things
sorry ladys that i didnt give much info,,we was at eachother all day yesterday:( i was really upset and thought i was ready to leave but since i have been thinking about everything i think i would like to save my marrige:) me & my husband have great times together when its good but when its bad well im ready to run:( we are having alot of money issues we are living very tight right now his job is very slow and im not in the health to work anymore:( so we been in a war over money and i have issues with my past i was married for 15years to a man that was a abuser to me and im not going to lie to yall i cheated on him for 6mos with my now husband and when we got a divorce my son wanted to stay with his father:( witch drives me crazy because i miss him alot we live three hours from him so i only get to see him like two are three times a month i have my daughter with me because she can not get along with her father he use to be pretty bad to the childern as well but since he has moved on with another lady he is much better acting with the kids so i deal with alot of issues of myself
You are asking way too much of us on this one.
What part of the vows are being broken?
You are going to need to explain things before we can advise.
And most of us will tell you to get counseling before ending a marriage.... especially if you have kids together.
I'm sorry you're at this place. I read the responses and they mostly stem from "try to make it work", which isn't what you were asking. I haven't gone through this, but my parents are now (dad + stepmother) and it's rotten to watch. But I think I should tell you about our bumpiest patch instead...
It didn't take my hubby and I long after our wedding to get sloppy. We knew work was involved in a marriage but we just didn't pay attention. He was in school, I had a horrible boss, we were hitched, it was all good, right?
Just two months after the wedding, we took a spontaneous road trip one weekend and as we headed back home an awkward silence fell in the car. I took a deep breath and just said "so...I'm not happy". And then my husband said "I'm not either". It was horrible. But it was also such a relief to find out that he was struggling too.
We talked things through, we had a couple bad fights (this one time, I pretty spectacularly threw a full glass of water in his face...), but this Friday is our 4 year anniversary. I'm really glad we got through that period of time successfully.
So what I'm saying is try having a conversation. Lay it all out there, w/o passing judgement. Just let him know where you are and see where he is. Maybe you two aren't over yet, or maybe you are, but at least you have a shot at making the decision together.
I wish you the best of luck. Sometimes, marriage just won't work, but it's amazing all the things we forget to say out loud to the people who play the biggest roles in our lives. Saying those things could really change the outcome of a situation.
Are you absolutely sure? Have you talked to your husband about things and what was his reaction?
I don't think 2 years is enough time to make a decision about leaving someone. Its the getting to know my quirks and bad habits years. My marriage was not good the first two years but after year 5 it got way better. At year 7 I started realizing the stuff thats too petty to care about and then everything else. Here we are married 11 years and I am now realizing things I need to do to make it a whole a lot better. Actually, the longer I'm married the easier its getting but still hurdles in the road of course.
Good luck!!! Just really think this threw first.
Are you sure? So many people go through this and then regret ending things. They end up in another unhappy marriage that's worse or end up being alone. In a lot of cases, it's easier and better to work on things than to end it. You don't give any insight to your situation but if you're really sure about ending it, then you'll need to communicate with your husband and get an attorney. Divorce won't guarantee happiness and it won't be easy or cheap. I wish you the best!
Do you have kids? Either way, YOU HAVE TO HIRE AN ATTORNEY to protect yourself legally, financially, etc... And don't go getting pregnant or involved with anyone else. End it first.
Added:
I don't think this is a troll. Lots of people get married for the wrong reasons and many people show their true colors once married. After people spent $$$$$$$$$$$ on a wedding it is hard to admit they made a mistake.
1. find a counselor first - somebody you can comfortably talk to and explain why you are unhappy
2. after you understand what went wrong, if necessary, then find a lawyer
In Illinois it takes about $10K to end a marriage so don't be in a big hurry to do this but rather seek to understand what's wrong and what your choices are...
If you haven't gone to a counselor, please do that first. If your husband won't go with you, go by yourself. Ending a marriage isn't like severing a business partnership or moving away to another city. It's like losing a leg or an arm. Don't end your marriage because you think you're ready to do it; get help to work on it until you're sure there's no other road.
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If there are kids - please seek counseling first.
Even with no kids I would seek counseling, if for no other reason than to help me understand how I made the mistake to start with.
Good luck.
J.:
I am in the same boat with Christine...wondering if this is real....
on the off chance it IS real and you aren't a troll.....
NO ONE can make this decision for you.
NO ONE can make you happy but yourself.
NO ONE but YOU is responsible for your happiness.
I would not throw in the towel so easily and only after two years. You haven't given us enough information in order to give you more advise...this is what I will tell you from MY experience..
When I got married the first time - i was 21 and thought I knew it all (don't we all? LOL!!) My parents told me "Marriage is a Full Time Job - the rewards don't come for MANY years...." little did I know how right they were....
The first two years? Well, those are the "get to know you" years - toilet seat up or down, toothpaste squeezed or rolled, late night person, morning person, what to do on the weekends, dinner time, etc.
It's also where the "happily ever after" that we are programmed to "get" is lifted and you realize - THIS IS LIFE.....One day at a time, one foot in front of the other....you will ask:
Where did all the fun go from when we were dating?
Where did all the kissing go? (this one is something you need to work on daily!!!)
Why don't you look in my eyes so lovingly like you did while we were dating?
What happened to the long talks into the night like we had when we were dating???
With ANY relationship - COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!! If you haven't expressed your unhappiness to him - how can you expect it to change? I would go to counseling first - if you can't afford it - go to your church - or the clergy who married you. ...but this is something you need to do together....you NEED to communicate and that doesn't mean yelling and screaming - this is stating "I am unhappy. I need THIS from you." This isn't what I thought we would be doing - I need THIS from you..." and give him the chance to give it to you.
If you aren't happy with you- he can't change that - only you can. YOU are the only responsible for your happiness and no one else...my husband contributes to my happiness but he does not "make me happy"...I can tell you that after 15 years together - it hasn't all be wine and roses or peaches and cream...there have been some down right sucky days - days that I could've thrown his sorry butt out the door...or beat him over the head with a frying pan!! :) We have lost 3 babies....one at 22 weeks - that was HARD. We had some SERIOUS money trouble (due to my not communicating with him)...we've had some tough times...but we've had some good times too and some GREAT times....but this is life - every day....you can make your marriage like a day to day date - I've seen people do it...but other's can't do it....life gets in the way....however, the bottom line - no one can make this decision for you. Don't be so quick to throw in the towel - get counseling and communicate....
Prove to us you aren't a troll - that would be nice too!!!! :)
I could be wrong but this could be a troll. The FIRST question ever asked and no questions asked?
Getting a little cynical about these 'extreme' first time questions.
Does he know you are unhappy?
I ended my first marriage after 2 years as well. I simply told him at dinner one evening that I was unhappy in our relationship, had been for a long time and wanted us to work together to figure out how to make it better. He wasn't on board with that. He basically said he was fine, we were fine, but I should been in therapy years ago. (ok, maybe right on that last part, but still WE were not fine!)
I told him if he was not willing to go to counseling or even try to work with me to make an effort, we would be through. He chose to end it. It was actually all very amicable, but not knowing your circumstances I can't guarantee it!
Do you have more details? Is there anything actually wrong or have you grown apart? Do you have children? If you have children, I say do whatever you can to make it work. If you don't, I still think you should see if it can be salvaged, but if it's one of those things that should never have happened, then it's up to you.
If you can give a few more details on why you aren't happy and what is wrong, it would help us know a little more what advice to give. Have you tried counseling already?
I'm sorry you're in this situation!
