Help! It Is Time to D/c My Services.

Updated on November 17, 2008
R.P. asks from Matteson, IL
4 answers

Let me preface this by saying that I am not an in home childcare provider. My intention was to help someone out.

A neighbor and I got to know each other over the summer. Well, when it came time for school to begin she asked if I would "help her" by keeping her two children (1 & 7) twice a week in the evenings while she works (she's a professor). It is my fault for not hammering out the details, but the first day of school came quickly and now we are in full swing. Parameters and a price were not discussed in detail. Basically, I keep them for 5-6 hrs two days a week and receive $50/ week. It took a friend shaking me to realize that I had been taken advantage of.

Because I home school, I am at home most days. She has started to regularly call on "off days" and ask if I could keep the younger one for a couple of hours while she shops or to get her older child off the bus and keep him until she arrives (usually in the city having lunch w/ friends). I'd do this for anybody who needed it in an emergency. My husband says that I am kind to a fault.

Last Monday she sent her oldest here with a bandaid on his head. When I asked him what happened his reply was "I don't know" and later "I fell at school" when one of my children asked the same question. She made no mention of it when she dropped the youngest child off (the older one comes from the school bus). Well, when she picked them up she casually mentioned that it was ringworm! I was mortified. Her next statement was that "the doctor says that it is not contagious." Well, my oldest had this some years ago so I know better. The fact that this was on a Monday and she had been out of town and only took him to the doctor that day didn't sit well with me. No medication had been applied prior to that day because she thought it was a bug bite. This is one of many similar situations.

Well, I have decided to let them go and I am trying to find out the best way to approach the subject. Because there was nothing formal established at the beginning how do I cut this off? I want to give her ample time to find someone else to keep her children. My husband feels like I should wait until the end of the school year, but I'm doing this for peanuts and it is affecting my family schedule. I feel like continuing until winter break would be fair. I wanted to get some ideas from others to see if I could figure out the best way to disolve this agreement (for lack of a better term). I welcome any suggestions. Currently, I am at a loss for words and I in no way want this to be confrontational (regarding her actions). I just want this to be over so that I can devote more time to my family and school.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

First, I'd like to thank each and every person who responded. You all kept me from wavering in my decision. I gave her notice on the 19th and told her that she had two weeks. She requested that I give her through December 10th. I informed her that would not be possible. She brought them for another week with the final day being the day before Thanksgiving. On Monday, she picked them up around 9:20pm and the last day, she picked them up at 10pm. That comes out to about $1.75 per child per hour. Boy, did I have plenty to be thankful for the next day!

I'm sure you're wondering who she found to keep her children so quickly ..... her 70+ y/o parents! It is now out of my hands and the burden has been lifted. My children are bummed that they won't be able to play with her children. I let them know that I wanted to make sure I could spend as much time with each of them as possible while I'm in school. They were excited and all is well.

My husband admitted that he was happy I didn't continue through the end of the school year as he suggested or until winter break. He came home from work early that last week so that he could help out. His words to me were, "It's time". She was going to add another day to her class schedule in January. Also, my husband felt that her oldest was beginning to negatively influence our oldest. We've worked very hard to establish firm boundaries and instill in our children good manners and appropriate behavior.

Again, thank you to everyone who responded. I am a much happier person and have somehow maintained a solid "A" in my courses through all of this madness.

More Answers

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M.S.

answers from Chicago on

Rhonda
You kinda answered your own question in your summary "a little about me" You have 3 kids you are home schooling your children, and going back to school yourself. That is enough said. Tell her you did not mind helping her out like you said you would but you have your hands full, I mean really full. I would tell her Jan. 1st, you have to focus on you & your family. I do run a home daycare, and 5-6 hours a day for $50.00 she is robbing you, and frankly taking advantage of you for going out to lunch and the such. None of my regulars would ever do that to me. I don't mind helping them out every now & then. But this was not what you signed up for. I would simply put it to her my plate is full & I am a bit over extended. As a mom & working mom she should underdstand. There are daycare places that will take children in the evenings. I know that Penny Lane takes then until midnight.
Good Luck hope it works out for you.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

"I have appreciated the opportunity to watch your children for the past several months, but due to personal changes in our family I am afraid that I can no longer provide the steady, consistent care upon which you have come to rely. I understand how difficult it is to find quality childcare, so I will agree to two more weeks of care for your children. At the point, I really feel like I need to focus on my family and my schooling, thus I will be discontinuing my services."

Be firm and don't budge.

If she keeps asking why, just play the broken record of "my family and my schooling need my attention and I can no longer do this." Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat...

She might try to get you to still do the occasional babysitting for her...say 'no', otherwise she will continue to use you and take advantage of you. The "oh just this one time while I _____" will turn into two or three times a week if you let it.

The best severances are surgical - quick and clean.

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H.E.

answers from Chicago on

If she has ever had to have someone watch her kids before, she is fully aware that she is getting off fairly easy with not having to pay much. Even a home care provider at the least charges $5.00-$7.00 depending on who buys food,etc. Sometimes a couple bucks extra for the second child too. I would explain to her you didn't realize that it was going to be as overwhelming as it is. Helping her out is one thing but being kind can mean she will take advantage of you unfortunately. She knows what day care costs are and she should be able to find someone. Maybe let her know that home schooling during the day is difficult and having kids in the evening you thought wouldn't be a big deal, but it is with your own personal time with your husband and family. All moms know how evenings get filled quickly with dinner, baths, homework, and just personal time with your husband or kids, she should understand and if your nice about it won't give you any guilt, and if she does, isn't the type person you should be helping out anyway!! Good luck...

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J.M.

answers from Wichita on

Hi Rhonda,

Basically what it comes down to is that you don't want to do it, and you should never do anything that you don't want to do. Especially it is affecting your family. It is also adding a lot of stress on you. Don't People Please! I know that you may feel obligated to do this to help her out, but there are other options that she does have. Be truthful with her and tell her that it has gotten to be a little too much. You don't owe her an explanation other than that. She will probably try to manipulate you back into doing it, but stand your ground, and don't let her. Just tell her it is what it is, and if she is a genuine person, she will definately understand. If she is not, than it is time to move away from that relationship. I'm sorry to say, but if you don't stand your ground, she will only take it further and further until it ends in a nasty way anyways. She is totally taking advantage of you. I know that you are trying to be nice, which is always a great thing, but a lot of people don't appreciate that anymore. Sometimes you have to just look out for yourself and your family. A true friend will understand, if they don't then let them go. You should never sacrafice your happiness to please someone else. It causes a lot of stress that you don't need. Do not feel guilty about letting her know! It is her responsibility to provide care for her children not yours. I would however give her a couple of weeks to find something else. Make it very clear that it will only be for a couple of weeks!!! Otherwise it sounds like she may manipulate you back into it. Sorry for babbling on, I too did a lot like this, and believe me you are not a bad person for wanting to take care of yourself and your family. That is #1!!! Hope this helps and good luck!

Also, if you still feel bad, anyone that would put your children in jeapordy of catching ringworm without letting you know, doesn't have the best character anyways....That is not treating you with resepct. Sometimes you have to step back and look at the big picture.

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