HELP! In the PICU Need Your support...and Advice on How to Stay Sane?

Dear Mom-
First of all...you are 'guilty' of NOTHING! Except maybe being a good mom...as your son is EXACTLY where he needs to be.

I agree with nicole...PICU can be intimidating...but...(as I have been there as well) trust the staff. Your son is on monitors I am sure...and IF there is a problem...the staff will be there in a HEART beat.

Back OFF the coffee...ask the nurse for some juice...or bottled water...and TRY (and I KNOW this is hard) to sleep while SON is sleeping.

Think like on a plane...get the O2 mask ON YOU...so you can be there for son!

I am with nicole...contact me if you need to talk...I am awake (I have teens home from college! lol)

Also...if it helps...have nurse explain what all the #'s on monitors mean...that helped it be less scary for me!

Good thoughts and prayers your way!

Michele/cat

Okay, first and foremost, deep breath. What you are going through is rough, scary and exhausting...I have been there. My first child was sick all of the time and I too refused to leave his side until I knew that he was better and that he was with someone that I trusted enough to leave for a change of clothes. I too have been up with guilt and pure exhaustion devastated by my child's illness and why he was always so sick. Fortunately/ unfortunately he was my first and so I was extra "crazy" because it was my first experience being a Mom but I can tell you that my son is almost 7 now and is doing amazingly well. In fact, he is so healthy now that he just got over his first "cold" in over 2 years and rather than kick his butt, he sailed right through it. Literally, he had 2 ear infections, bronchitis and a sinus infection and he never missed a day of school nor did his eating habits/ sleep schedule change. This from a kid who has Asthma, a Heart Condition, is legally blind in one eye and who (over the summer) had to have his brain scanned to rule out a brain tumor. When I say I know what you are feeling...I do.

My son was 9 months old when he was in PICU with a 107 degree fever. They finally discharged him after 7 days because they couldn't figure it out and well, they were afraid that it would get worse with having a heart condition. In the end, he was home for about 6 hours and we drove to Children's at 3am only for him to break out in a rash which told us that he had Roseola. That was so scary. His fever was so high he was grey and limp. I could go on and on but the point is that I know what you are going through and while you can't see it now, your son will be okay and so will you. In the end, he will also be stronger for having gone through all of this and you have nothing to be guilty for. It's that time of year but you can't keep your kids in a bubble. I know. I tried. The wind would blow funny and my son would get a chest cold (pneumonia/ bronchitis, you name it) and would be sick for weeks only to be healthy for a short time. Now, he is healthier than all of us...well, mostly. :)

Hang in there. Try to keep perspective. It's late, you are scared, out of your environment and probably not eating/ drinking very well. What hospital are you at? As long as you feel comfortable with the hospital/ docs/ caretakers...you guys will all get past this and Spring will be just around the corner and your little man will be crawling in the grass before you know it. :) Stay focused on those things.

If you need to talk more, I am here. :) Good luck and take care of you too!
N.

My son had RSV during his first year but he never had it so bad he landed in the hospital. No, it is not your fault and do not blame yourself. Resting when you can is good. It's hard to, but try to relax a little. Worrying wastes your energy and wears you down and your son needs you to be calm as you can be (really hard, I know) and reassuring. Are you breast feeding your son? Try to eat balanced meals and go easy on the coffee. I hope he gets better soon, and you'll feel so good when you can bring him home again. Hang in there.

The others have given the best advice, so I won't say much. Just know that we are all sending you thoughts and peace and strength. This is absolutely not your fault so don't give that another thought. Your baby and your family are so lucky to have someone so caring, loving and so invested as their mommy.

I spent two days and a night in a surgical PICU when my little boy was 5 months. He is fine now, but it was the scariest experience of my life.

When this is all done and your baby is at home with you again- all fat, cuddly, smiley and healthy again, perhaps take some time to talk to someone about your experience. I did (3 years later) and it really helped to talk about my worries with a therapist.

I don't know which hospital you are at, but you can ask if there is someplace for you to take a break. Children's Memorial has a parent locker-room/shower area off the PICU which is lovely and a nice little cafeteria. Also, they sometimes offer massages to parents. Even a 15 minute break is helpful. Just so you can take time to breathe again. I found I held my breathe for 3 days, which wasn't helpful.

I found journalling helpful, too. (Even after we got home.)

Peace.

I spent one night in the PICU when my 4 month old fell out of my Baby Bjorn and hit his head on the bricks, and I so know what you're going through. Have the doctors given you an estimate of how long he will be staying? RSV is certainly NOT your fault! What could you have done differently? I'm sure you used your best judgement based on your experience with your girls! RSV is one of those insidious things, and if it were an easy thing to figure out, they wouldn't run commercials about it. Do try to get some sleep though. Both he and your girls are going to need you on top of your game when he does get home. Take care and be good to yourself!

Stay strong Mom, your son is going to be okay. My oldest daughter was hospitalized for RSV at 3 months of age after we attended a Christening party where a little boy had a cold. I felt so guilty for taking her to the party!! Being in the hospital with her was so scary and stressful, but we made it! They will probably tell you that he may develop asthma after this, which happened with our daughter (don't want to scare you, but just being honest so you're prepared). She is almost 5 and is outgrowing it, but usually if she catches a cold she has to use a nebulizer or she will cough all night. If you need any other info or support, please feel free to send me a message. Best wishes to you and a healthy recovery for your son!!

You are stronger than you think!! Stay in the moment and focus on your son getting better because that is what is going to happen!

Take care of you, so you can be there for your son. Keep yourself hydrated with lots of water and you need sleep when he is sleeping. Do some deep breathing when you feel out of control to help calm you down.

Focus on his wellness and block ever other thought out. By no means is this your fault so let that go. Keep yourself calm and positive for you son so he can feel that from you.

Hugs to you and your son!

I'm so sorry this has happened to your family! My advice - be your own mommy - you wouldn't allow your kids to treat their bodies so harshly. Causing yourself to be unhealthy won't make your precious angel better. Try to get some rest and only do what you're able to do, the rest will wait. Keep everyone fed with good foods & rest when you're able. Dishes & laundry can wait. Do you have a church, they probably have an organization that provides food to families in crises (ours is a sunshine group, we bring food to families when someone is in the hospital, etc), do you have family nearby, someone who can come help with laundry so your other kids have clean clothes to wear to school, etc.? It's time to "activate the troops" so to speak. Don't be too proud to ask those people around you for help as you've done here. It's not easy to accept help, but these moments are the ones where we need it most.

Mostly I reiterate, it's not selfish to get some sleep, your immune system can only take so much and not sleeping is the fastest way to getting sick. AND it's not your fault your baby got sick. Honest & true! We moms always blame ourselves, I know, I've been there. We can't be responsible for everything, sometimes bad things just happen, it's how we manage during them that counts. The nurses & doctors will take good care of your precious little one, pray for them, pray for your baby & take good care of all your little ones by taking care of their momma.

Hugs,
D.

Sarah,

Please keep your strenght up. I am sure he is in good hands at the hospital and will get better and come home soon. But when he does, he will need you to A. not be sick B not be exhausted. If you are out of commision, then who will take care of him at home? My girlfiends twins had this and they are fine today. ( they were less than 1 year, and now they are 4). It will work out. You got him to the Doc, and the hospital and all will be okay.