Help in Dealing with Death of Child

Yes I've lost a child before I had him and he was still born too, i had to do something to occupy my time and in a way that still wasnt good enough so what I did was I got a job and I ended up having another baby I felt empty like I was missing something and I was but different strokes for different folks but I just had to let you know I do understand where you are coming from I've been there before.

C.,

I am praying for you and your family. My thoughts are with you, keep surrounding yourself with supportive people and take care of yourself!

Also, to C. and all the other women who have lost a baby, my heart breaks, thank you for sharing your stories, you are all very brave. God bless you all.

Sincerely,
R.

Hello C.. Iam very sorry to hear of your loss. I dont know if Iam the best person to give you advice at this time but I can share my own experience of having a "still born" baby with you. Last year in November I gave birth to a still born baby boy, named james. He died in utero from a defective heart and I had to have labor induced to deliver him, knowing he was gone allreaddy. The whole thing was a nightmare for me. He is now buried in a Saginaw cemetary, where Iam originally from. From the time I first noticed fetal movement stop to the time of delivery was 2 days. It was like I was in some kind of nightmare and it wasnt all real. It was real enough after I delivered him and had to hand him over to a man at the mortuary. I was told of his condition only 3 weeks prior to him dying. So I only had 3 weeks to come to terms with his impending, possible death. No sooner than I just started realizing his condition, is when he died. It was all very shocking and surreal. Especially when I allreaddy have two very healthy daughters. One is now 18 and my youngest is 14. My doctor told me his defect could be because of my advance maternal age of 37. Though I dont buy all that. Many woman of younger ages, of all ages have complicated pregancys. Well like I said Iam not the best person to give advice because I just turned around and deliberatly got pregnant again, to fill the void. Iam pregnant right now and this time the baby is perfectly healthy and normal. The baby is a girl and she is due March 2nd, 2007. Everything seems to be going ok "but" Iam holding my breath, been this entire pregnancy. Every day Iam scared that something could happen again. This has brung up alot of feelings about loosing james last year. So actually Iam just "now" dealing with his loss. I dont think any one knows just how to deal with something like this. It's probley all on an individual basis. I guess we all have to journey down our own unique road in order for us to come to an understanding of our lost child. Again sorry for you loss. If you want to talk some more let me know...bye for now T. S.

Have you tried asupport group, there are some for loss of child. I had a dear friend go through this and it was hard on her along time. you have to rely on your family and friends and church for support and comforting. My prayers are with you and your family.

May i suggest you write a loving letter to the baby. Put it in a balloon and let it fly away,he will know how loved he was. and missed.If it helps have the other children do it to. It flys up and i believe thats where he is in gods hands..Good luck to your family, God bless you.

My best friend went through this with her 1st child. It was very painful for her. Although she had her church, her husband (who left her afterwards), and her mother it was still very hard to cope with. She didn't have any other children to hold on too. Through time she just got through it. Sometimes there isn't anything you can do. Just be greatful for the 4 daughters you do have and know that you'll see your child again in heaven. The Lord needed him more than you did. Thats how I told her to look at it. That seemed to help her.

My mom lost a baby that was stillborn when I was 9, it is very hard to get through. One thing that we did was to create a scrapbook to remember her by, I don't think that a day goes by where I don't wonder what if, but to be able to look back at the book, it just lets me remember her. I wish that there were an easier way, but you just have to remember that each day gets a little better....
I wish you and your family all the best during this time.
S.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish nobody had to go through that. You should join a support group. Ask your OB/GYN or Midwife about one or check with the hospital. We lost a baby at 27 weeks in July 04 and that helped. It was nice to talk to someone that went through the same thing. Family and Friends are wonderful but the just don't understand unless they have experienced the same thing. It's not the same as the lose of a pet or other relative. You should definately see into it so the grief doesn't consume your family and leave you ALL empty. Take care of yourself, and it does get better but it never goes away.

Hello C.!

Check out the website www.eckankar.com.

We focused the energy on nurturing something else. In our case, we got a puppy, and spoiled him rotten. In your case, I suggest focusing all of your energy on your daughters. Maybe do some things with them that they don't get to do very often.

I feel for you. I had a miscarrage and it nearly tore me apart and not alot of people really understood. I had been given a copy of "what to expect when you are expecting' and in the back of it was a section on what to do if things go wrong. One of the suggestions was to write a letter to the baby. Just pore your heart out to it. I did this and bought a beautiful box and put the letter and all the items that I had bought to prepare for the baby in teh box and I have it as a memory box now. It has been 2 years now and it still hurts to think about my lost child, but whenever the grief is too bad, I write another letter. The pain will never go away completely, but maybe this will help you to at least have a place to put the pain. Please also seek counseling. There are groups all over the place for parents who lost a child, you can find them on the web or else speak to your OB about it. I am sure they will know where to refer you. My thoughts are with you - K.

dear C.
let me start by saying i am so sorry for what you are going thur right now.and my heart go out to you and your family i wiah there was more i could say i can only say pray alot and in time i am sure you will start to feal a little less pain .i know it not the same but i lost a baby at six month and what halped me thur it was to but several xmas present and take them over to the va children home on williow in my son name and took them over and the smile on the faces of the other kids haled to heal a little bit of my pain i hope your heart and mind start to heal real soon may you find peace with lost of your son god bless you

First I want to say I am sorry for your loss. I personally have not experienced this type of tragedy but my mother-in- law gave birth to a still born girl 16 years ago. Every year at christmas time they go to the mall where they have a mitten tree with the names of children that need a little extra help for christmas. Each year they pick a child that is the same age as their daughter would be at the time. I hope you find this helpful. You are in my prayers.

I cannot even begin to imagine the incredible pain you must be feeling and I am so sorry!!! My prayers are with you and your family. I have a friend who lost a 2 1/2 yr old. She said that for them it brought their family even closer when it could have torn them apart. So don't let the grief separate you from your husband or daughters. Cling to each other (especially your husband) for support. I think a support group would be a good idea also. Sometimes knowing that others are going through the same thing helps and you can find additional coping mechanisms. Cling to God also and know that you'll one day see your little boy in heaven. My heart goes out to you.

Hi C.,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have 3 children and September 15, 2006 I also gave birth to a stillborn. I was over 39 weeks along and the doctors told me I was going to have a "very healthy baby boy." I know how devistating this can be. Our whold life has been turned upside down. The nights seem to be the hardest time for me. I do think that it has started to get a little easier but seeing a baby at the mall or a comercial on tv can devistate you in a second. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime at ____@____.com I would love to talk. C.

I am so sorry C. for your loss. i lost my daughter of 2 and half months old in 1990. she was my first. in time it does get a little easier but then something happens and it hits you again like it was yesterdAY. just hold on to your family and share with them all your pain. talk about it and what you are feeling. it helps not to hold it in. they hurt to so talking about it eases the pain.

take care

I dont no how it feels but i will keep u and ur family in my thgoughts an prayers look to Jesus he will help u threw it

Hi C. -
I know this response is a little outdated, but I just came across your post. I hope that you are well and I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our 3 month old son in January '08. It is a pain that is unimaginable and there truly are not words. We also have four other children and it has been challenging, but we are very careful to keep a positive outlook and understand that Rocco's life had a greater purpose. My husband and I have a great relationship, but choose to go to counseling regularly to make sure we are dealing with our loss and confusion in a healthy and positive way. We also are doing counseling for the kids to give them an opportunity to discuss their feelings freely. I know time will make it easier, but the pain of losing a child is very, very real and unlike anything I had ever experienced. We have started a non-profit organization (it's called "Rocco's Heart") to honor our son's memory and to help support other families in similar situations. It has been a positive outlet for our energy and I believe reachiing out to others will help us continue to heal. Our thoughts are with you and your family. May you find peace and comfort as you continue to heal.