Help Im Spoiling My Child

With everythin that she has been thro and she is a good girl.. Why stop u can control it a little right?? Jasmine is 3 and we do the same thin bc she is in skool we tell her if ur good then u get sumthin but when im out i do the same thin i will just get sumthin and give it to her for No reason LoL... its a Mom thin with the first i guess ..and Build a bear WOnt go there LoL.. i have 12 steps and EVERYONE HAS A BEAR LoL.. there from everyone me her father her nana and her Grandmother that is what she likes so that is what they get her .. her nana(dads side) she is the First and only so she get EVERYTHIN she wants . Grandma ( my mom there is 2 of them and one on the way form my sister ) so sumtime she dont get everythin but she get ENUFF u no what i mean ... there is no spoillin them when there little its when there 10 and ova and then they take that TO far.....

Hoped it helped...
J.

Its simple. Stop. I don't mean all at once that will cause problems, slowly stop doing what you are doing. Tell her no more often and if you still want to buy her things make sure she has really earned it first. I know its hard . . . I have 2 boys . . . but you'll be glad you did it now . . . just think about how she will be when she is 16 wanting everything then you'll be mad at yourself. Start now not later its never too soon to fix what will become really broken later.

Repeat after me - NO.. period.. It's hard, because it's your baby and you want your baby to have everything and the best of everything and be happy all the time.. I'm right there with you!!! BUT.... if your child never learns disappointment and how to deal with the feelings, it will become a huge nightmare later... think of this scenario - your 16 yr old comes home from school - "Mom, I think I'm gonna go knock over a liquor store" - "oh Honey, don't do that".. "ok Mom, I'm going to do it anyway, bye"... I know that's extreme, but if you keep giving in to every whim or keep giving her everything she wants, she's going to expect it, and expect the world around her too.. It's not bad to say no or to not buy something for her. Wanting things is a good thing too and never getting some things sets some limits. It's very hard - Trust me - I have a very spoiled 8 yr old and I'm trying not to make the same mistake with my 3 yr old. As far as the family, you can't do very much with that, other than ask them to tone it down a bit.. maybe they can send her videos of them reading books instead or something like that.. something that isn't materialistic.. Letting them cry for something really isn't a bad thing.

I have the same issue. it is very hard for me to say no because i want to give my kids everything i didn't have. Then I got to thinking that is what grandparents and aunts and uncles are for and how hard i have to work for everything now. So when I am looking at that new play doh set that he would love to have i write down how much it would have cost me and stick it in his savings. If you can't stop spoiling then at least do it in a smart way. Build her future. Sounds like she has plenty of materialistics that the other family member can choose to do for her. just an idea!

I have the same problem with my husband. He does not spend a lot of time with our son but buys him a lot of jumk. I tell him to give me the $ that he spends on the foolishness he buys for the kid. I also ask him how the toy will help him compete with the workforce in the future that he will be faced with. He usually doesn't have an answer but does not understand that a child needs parental guidance and love, not a bunch of inanimate objects to be a well-roundned human being.Good Luck.

Just say no. Stop and don't do it. You can spoil her all you want with love but you've got to put a stop to all of the material items. How do I know this? Because I am now dealing with a 13 year old son who never heard NO in his younger years. Now its a struggle to get him to do things to earn the things he wants! It is awful to go through the hell I'm going through now. Temper tantrums (yes, at 13), back talk, stubbornness, and absolute refusal to do anything. Do yourself a favor NOW so you don't pay for it later.

M.

why stop? shes not spoiled rotten? if you have stucture and sicapline, then why worry about it!

do you spend quality time with her K.?? and talk to her and teach her to respect all her toys and appreciate them?? do you talk to her and spend one on one time with her?? if so then you are not spoiling her. things come and go...and your little one will never be this age again...live it up...just make sure she is not taking things for granted. put some stuff away to..like put them in bags to protect them and then pull them out and they will be like new to her again...too much can just be too much...but i don't believe a child can be spoiled...i just don't...now if you don't spend quality time with her and just buy buy buy and don't talk to her then there is a problem...enjoy her and let her be a 3 year old with a bunch of toys!!!! the only problem i had with that cause my older boys had a lot was that i was afraid they weren't using their imagination. my 18 year old i ask now about how he had a lot of toys and he had 3 of everything and he tells me that it was awesome. no problems...just make sure she eventually learns the value of a dollar and takes care of her toys...enjoy her K. and don't worry...there is no such thing as a spoiled child...they ones who people just say are spoiled brats are the ones who really are neglected...cause they have all the toys in the world but no one there to play with them like their parents...and they act out to get attention...so enjoy...much love and prayers...lol
i hope i made you feel better and you can look at the whole situation from a different angle...don't worry. the fact that you are reaching out and asking questions of worry says a lot...now go and play teddy bears with her and have fun...have a tea party!!!!

First of all I just want to say good for you for acknowledging the importance of discipline. It is one of the hardest things we, as parents have to do, because we have to stay completely centered in our approach (neither passive nor agressive) but is easier when we know it is to help them grow into great adults with the quality of good character.

Know that there is a difference in raining LOTS of love on your child and spoiling. Spoiling would show through with lots of consequences. The definition of spoil is to do harm to the character, nature, or attitude of by oversolicitude, overindulgence, or excessive praise. The consequence to being spoiled is pride, arrogance and superiority. As long as you stay centered offering equal loving praise with the necessary discipline, she will be grateful for all that she has (including the discipline and see it for what it is - LOVE).

All this to say you sound like a wonderful mom and one who loves selflessly and with all you have. This includes the discipline, you see that it is very important. Discipline is not just for the punishment, which is to correct, but it is to teach through the correction - talking with her and helping her to understand, lovingly and firmly the difference between right and wrong.

I pray that you continue on this wonderful journey of motherhood knowing and being confident in discipline because although it may feel negative it is such a positive (and vital) aspect in growing into good, productive people.

God bless and do keep us posted!

I had a similar problem with my daughter before her father died. If she wanted something we just got it for her, often we would just get her things without her having asked for it. 'No' was a word that was missing when it came to pulling the wallet out.

When I started living with my boyfriend he was like, "Why does she need that?" And he was right, she didn't need it. Gradually with his constant reminders that she didn't really need this or that I have gotten to the point where I still buy her stuff but it isn't every time we go to the store, and if it is a month before or after her birthday, Christmas or Easter then she doesn't get anything bought for her other than necessities.

You have to look at what you're buying and say, "Does she need this? Why does she need this?" If you answer yourself honestly then you'll be less tempted to buy it. Also, it helps if you only go out with the money you intend to spend. If you don't have the extra money then you're less likely to spend it.

You can spoil a child, very easily. Children need toys and games and crafts and all those good things to learn and grow but they do not need to have a room full of things that have no meaning to them because there's just so much there. They do not learn to respect their toys when there are so many there, and it gives them the mistaken expectation that things will always just be handed to them whether they ask for it or not. It is a lot easier to break these habits now when she's 3 than it will be when she gets to school.

The only way you cannot spoil a child is with love and hugs. A child cannot get told or shown how much you love them enough. Instead of buying her a stuffed animal 'buy' her an extra 15 minutes of your time before bed to read a second story or a half hour of your time to play her favorite game or watch a favorite TV show while snuggling on the couch.

I hope that helps.

I was in the same boat with my son. As I look back, I spoiled him rotten. My justification was that I wanted him to have everything that I wasn't able to have. The best advice is to just stop doing unless its earned. That's what I did, the only time that he gets is when he has earned it. Now as a teenager, he understands that he can't have everything handed to you, you have to work for it. His father basically told me that it had to stop. It was hard, because I wanted him to have, but I think he is turning out to be a much better person for it. Stopping it earlier will be alot easier now then when she is older and has come to expect it.