Hi, J.,
You're not gone anywhere... you're right where you left you.
I have a dark suspicion, though: you do things you are 'supposed to do', right? Things like sorting laundry carefully, being patient with things you don't like, accepting the judgement of others' as The Way It Is, and sometimes don't eat very well, or get enough rest, or drink water throughout the day or get any exercise...
My experience is that moms who are losing patience and who are losing themselves have been 'playing house' rather than being alive for some time. There are 2 cures (and neither of them involve shedding any of the other people in your life, because that's a super-selfish, and extremely immature answer, even if it's one lots of 'experts' recommend) Happily neither of them require any money or childcare arrangements, as both can be done at home, even with busy children around:
Find Your Values
and
Vigilant Self-Care
You need to take care of your body. That means moving, resting, feeding it and drinking appropriately.
Getting enough vegetables and fruits, selecting whole grains ALL the time (not when you're 'being good') --and offering your family NOTHING but healthy food... because children and husbands eat what we actually expect them to eat, which is what we provide, which is how it becomes familiar and preferred, which is what they say they really want. Throw out the junk food (yes, even the white rice), it wssn't worth what you paid for it when you bought it, the money has already been wasted, and it is not more wasteful to throw junk food out than it is to stuff it into a body that doesn't need it.
Drink water every day.
When you're done making a habit of Vigilant Self-Care (which has the happy side effect of improving the healthcare of your whole family), you need to reconnect with your values.
Your real values... not the ones you're 'supposed' to have. Not 'being nice.' Energizing, important values that you really strive to live up to because that gives you a great feeling of power and engagement in life. Things like 'acquiring wisdom' and 'leading and teaching others' and 'being loving' and 'honesty and integrity'... Most people have 3-6 values that really say it all in terms of their ethics, what they simply will not do, what keeps them going through the day and how to access joy.
You see, that's what I think you've lost yourself to: play acting that you have values you don't have (and eating poorly and not getting enough variation between activity and rest in a day) for so long that you've forgotten what it's like to have your own values, much less feel jazzed by them.
What values are really important to YOU (not to your image of yourself when your mother-in-law is looking)? Not what you worry people will judge you about, but the character traits you really admire and that you value the most in yourself.
What values, when absent, make you crazy? For someone who finds Truth to be an important value, a tactful avoidance of a question will drive them nuts, even if 'you're fat, dear' is the truth about themselves that someone's tactfully avoiding. When wisdom is important, things like Jackass and seriously immature behaviour in adults are unbelievably irritating.
Oh, and the other piece of advice I seek to share with the whole world:
Never put up with anything for 17 seconds if you don't intend to put up with it for 17 years. Honour your preferences, even if it's 'silly' to others... your boundaries are yours, not a committee decision made by the noisiest voters.