I can totally understand where you are coming from, I feel like that more often than I want to... it has gotten to a point where I was so stressed that I have started to worry about my health from all the stress... and I only have one child (well, and a husband who cleans up after himself like a 4 year old).
But all that said, I am trying to overcome this by understanding that this is not about what the people in my life do, about them creating chaos, not picking up, not listening... but about how I react to all of this.
It is about forcing yourself to let go sometimes, let go of a messy table and just enjoy your children, let go of the dirty socks accumulating on his side of the bed, let go of them not listening and me (or you) cranking up the volume. Let go of your expectations every now and them and just ENJOY!
Yes, chores and discipline are good, they are important, but very few children internalize them before they are adults. Sure, I see many posts of moms that say how well behaved their kids are and how they are never defiant or disrespectful and always clean after themselves from a young age... rest assures that for every perfect child there are ten, who are just exactly the same way yours are with moms with the same frustrations. I swear I didn't do anything in the house that didn't absolutely need doing until I was well in my twenties. I know many people that are exactly the same.
Is a clean table really so important to get so worked up over that you can no longer enjoy your kids? Yes, be consistent, but don't be stiff. Allow yourself and your kids some slack every now and then and stop to smell the roses.
Now I better get to work on taking my own advice.... you are a great mom, you have great kids, get out there and have some fun...
Good luck.