Help!!!! Im at a Loss as to What to Do!!

I'm a more mild case, and I MUST have caffeine every day or I sit and twitch and look around and can not pay attention to save my life

gluten and dairy are two things that can effect personalities and behavior, especially if they react to it. Try cutting those things out of his diet and sugar too. You might already watch his diet and others might have already said the same thing. I wish you the best. Good luck!

Give him a sugar free , but caffeine filled soda. ex. Coke Zero.
It works as a replacement for the stimulant medication.
Also give him LOTS of out side running around time before and after school.
What I told my daughter at this age is when she go the urge to go running craze and she NEEDED to move , to wiggle her toes. Don't laugh you try it you have to actually think about it. Something I haven't tried but have heard it works is putting the prickly side of velcro on the bottom of his desk and rubbing it when they get the need to get rowdy. Some how the extra sensory input helps.

Don't know if you gradually withdrew your child from his meds but he
may be experiencing an acute withdrawal from the drugs. The Ritalin label for instance has specific warnings regarding withdrawal symptoms:

"Over time, the body might come to depend on methylphenidate drugs just to function normally. The person craves the drug and their psychological dependence makes them panic if access is denied, even temporarily. Withdrawal symptoms can include tiredness, panic attacks, crankiness, extreme hunger, depression and nightmares. Some people experience a pattern of "binge crash" characterized by several days without sleep, followed by a period of heavy sleeping"

Please work with a doctor and some kind of therapist so that he gets the support and possibly the meds he needs.

I would also caution you about punishing your child for what is likely a biochemical issue. It is a challenging road he has ahead, and he needs to find systems to help him cope -- not just be reprimanded . Also, stripping his room bare and depriving him of all his things would just seem to add to to his problems, as he then as no outlets for his energies whatsoever.

I feel for you = but really think you need help figuring this out with some professionals who have specific experience with these kind of issues

Here's my thought.

If he were a diabetic and had the shakes due to poor food choices at lunch, he didn't get enough food because they didn't make enough, would you punish him? For having the shakes?

No? Then why punish him for a biological issue he has very very little, if any, control over.

He is doing the best he can and the med may, in fact, be giving him oppositional side effects. Stop punishing him for acts he cannot control.

He HAS NO impulse control. He HAS NO ability to stop the random firing in his brain, they are sending mixed messages to his body anyway, punishing him for a biological illness seems harsh.

In my book the doc needs to be called and told, before his next appointment.

Please don't give your child any sugar free additives, each and every one of them have come out in the long run and shown they are detrimental to ones health. Every single one of them, after long periods of time, when longitudinal studies were able to be done, they found that these additives were like giving people poison. Please just limit sugar and other things and don't add more chemicals that will, in the long run, be shown to have caused even more issues.

Oh I feel so bad for you. There are some great ideas here, but don't let anyone make you feel bad for what you have or have not done about this. It will be hard waiting for the meds I know, but that is probably what will help. The teachers are trying it sounds like, but do they have a particular plan of action? I am seeing that now adays no one gets punished or logical consequences I clearly think that sometimes they can't help it, but yet they manage to not run into walls, moving cars and somehow they knew to make that decision. So why can't they stop running around class? Who knows. Teachers are oftentimes afraid to do a lot because they don't want to have problems themselves and they are also dealing with twenty other students at the same time. How about some of those cheap squishy balls? A time out place when he needs to breathe, not a punishment but a calm down and I like the coke zero thing. Many a person who had this condition got through life and are successful adults. Don't give up. You are lucky too because you do have teachers who seem to be concerned.

First, you need to have a doctor with whom you can work, and if he's on the medication, it has to be consistent. If he was on for two months, he didn't really have time to adjust to the medication properly, let alone adjusting to having it taken away. Secondly, I strongly recommend getting the ADHD Parents' Workbook, and choosing a simple system that you can coordinate with his teacher. Try to present it to him as earning privileges rather than punishment and reward. Break things down into achievable chunks - say, he earns 30 minutes of screen time for a day without a disciplinary infraction; another 30 minutes for doing his homework without being hounded; etc. There are charts in that book you can ask his teacher to fill out, so he brings home a daily behavioral report card. This way, the teacher has a system to communicate that will be easier for you both.

Try and figure out his biggest triggers, and see if you can create a little space around them. For example, when my son was first on the meds (at the same age as yours), I found that late afternoon was a very tricky time. Any disagreement could escalate quickly. I had to remember to stay very calm and nonconfrontational during that time period, and to maintain calm energy in the face of his agitation. Sometimes, that is really hard - I'm a working mom, trying to get him through his homework, and I would forget. But it has leveled off. He's been on medication for about six months, and our lives are all so much better. He's doing so much better in school, I can't believe it. He's not a little angel, it's not a magic pill, but he's able to sit still and pay attention, and he's figuring out what he needs to do for himself when he gets distracted.

Which brings me to my final point (sorry this is so long, but your note broke my heart, and we are dealing with this too). Try to make him a partner in this. He is young, but not too young to understand that he needs support. We told our son that his brain moves faster than a lot of people's do, and that the pill he takes each morning helps his brain slow down just enough so that he can pay attention appropriately. He understands that. The thing is, it's horrible for these kids to feel like they're always in trouble. That doesn't mean that they should get a free pass to misbehave, but it does mean that we all need to be very careful about how we discipline them so they don't internalize the message that they are intrinsically "bad" kids.

I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is to have a relationship with your doctor and also with at least one person in his school that is collaborative. You need to trust the people who are treating/teaching your child. If you don't think you are getting that, try and find other resources. (I know that's easy said, but it really is worth the effort. We changed doctors and schools.) Good luck!

So does he have his stuff back in his room, is he playing video games, does he have his toys. If yes to any of them, then you didn't see the punishment through. Once you take it away, it does not come back until you see an improvement in his behavior. And then, I would only let a little back at a time.

Since I don't know the severity of his ADHD, it is hard to say, but you need to teach him to control himself without meds, since they may not always be available.

EDITED: I just read your updated version. ADHD is a booger. I have dealt with many students with it. Some kids really respond well to meds. I had a boy in 4th grade that was on meds for adhd and he was a great kid, but I looped up to fifth grade with his class the following year, when his mom took him off the meds and he was a lot like what you describe above. I don't normally promote meds especially in young children, but in that case it was so beneficial to this child's personality, ability to focus, and overall happiness. He was night and day different once he was back on the meds. However, there are some things you can try that I have also seen be successful with ADHD kids. My neighbor's child tends to have these sort of focusing issues and she has cut out gluten and dairy from his diet. She said it has amazingly worked wonders for his ability to concentrate and behave. He is five and quite smart. He is an energetic little guy but able to control his little body without meds. They also found out he has a host of other allergies to wheat, shellfish, nuts and so forth, so it might be worth your time to get a complete allergy work up just to see if your son's issues have something to do with that.
I also agree with the karate and tae kwon do. I don't know what the connection is, but adhd kids that learn these skills develop an amazing sense of control. It gives kids some strategies they can use outside of the gym to help maintain control. Good luck and God Bless!

Jim Fay's Parenting with Love and Logic. There are also books on Teaching with Love and Logic for teachers too. The methods work wonders and aren't just a band-aid for the problem. They are real strategies to help your child become responsible for his actions while giving him the tools to have some control over his decision-making. Why is he acting up? Is he seeking attention? Is he trying to gain control over his teacher, you or others? Is he bored in class? Is the work too challenging? Maybe have the teacher observe when he is most likely to act up. That might give insight to what is causing the problem. Is he getting plenty of rest at night? Is he eating a good breakfast? All of these things can impact his learning and behavior greatly. Check out the Love and Logic books. They are wonderful. They even offer parenting workshops (and teacher workshops too) to learn the strategies. Go to www.loveandlogic.com for more info. Hope this helps!
A.

I, too, have heard caffeine suggested as a more "natural" approach. Would he drink an iced coffee in the morning? Might be worth a try...

Caffeine is definitely worth a try. I know that many ADHD kids have caffeine before the TAKS test and other major tests b/c it helps them focus (kind of ironic, huh?). I think it could work on a daily basis as well.

He is only seven. It will take some time for him to understand his triggers as well understand what it will take to calm down and focus. Saying that though, he will still have issues of self control b/c he simply will not be able to ALWAYS control himself b/c he has ADHD. I do know that taking away stuff from younger ADHD kids does absolutely nothing, they just don't care - especially at seven. The older he gets and has more of a vested interest in things and events - that is when taking stuff away will work better and matter to him.

I know some parents have had a lot of success with Love & Logic. But what it truly boils down to with behaviors is consistency, consistency, consistency. It may take a while, but once boundaries are established (and again I say, it may take a while) things will start to smooth out. HOWEVER, with ADHD, it does not go away and he will always struggle in one way or another. Especially if you find the right medication and it is not taken consistently during the school year AND summer.

As a teacher I see students struggle with ADHD on a daily basis. They know they have ADHD, they know they act differently than others, they know their grades are all over the place, they know they struggle with something most kids don't have too. Some handle it better than others mostly b/c of how their parents deal with it. Are the parents in denial and making excuses or are they just as strict with them as they are with their kids that don't have ADHD.

Stick to your guns and keep being your son's advocate while finding what will work best for all of you.

Good luck!

It sounds like he is acting out because some need he has isn't being met. I don't know how old he is but my kids usually act up when they are not getting enough of my attention. I would drop the punishment/reward cycle for now and just spend as much quality time as you can with him. Establish some good communication and see if he will tell you what is going on with him. Use that open line of communication to get him to see how bad behavior makes others feel and then to react to him in a negative way. Run through some scenarios about what would the world be like if no one followed the rules. Talk when you are both calm and be careful not to make him defensive or he won't hear what you say. Also, truly listen to what he has to say and try to identify what is frustrating him or causing him to act this way. I hope you can help him soon. This is probably as traumatic and stressful for him as it is for you.

Can you give a little more info? Are these disruptions: talking out of turn, physically hitting other kids, making noises, getting up and walking around, swearing, etc? That might be helpful. And do the teachers or bus drivers do anything to punish him? Has the teacher given you any suggestions or insight as to what is causing these disruptions? And how old is he? What grade? And do the disruptions happen at a particular time (before lunch, on the ride home, etc?)

Meds or no - Kalyb can learn to control his behavior.

I would strongly recommend enrolling him in a Tae Kwon Do or Marital Arts class. It DOES help with self-control issues.

If the reward system you have in place lasts for no more than 2 weeks, then make it a week at a time. Have him help decide what his reward will be for good behavior.

Check his diet. Some say the Red Dye #5 in foods helps make kids even more hyper. Many people worry about the chemicals in our foods and how they negatively affect our children. Maybe try a more holistic or natural/organic diet for him and see if that makes a difference.

Other than that - I'm not sure what else to tell you. I hope you can get some help!!!

The best punishment I've done is not to ground or take things away, rather, I made my son read a book (usually of my choice) and write a report on it and he couldn't do anything (play with toys, video games, friends, watch tv) until the book is read and report was handed in to me. I would also make my son write me a paper on what he did wrong and how he could correct himself. 7 years old, your son can surely read as a punishment (which in the long run, isn't a punishment). If he can't write a report on the book, maybe he can give you an oral report on the book. If he can't write a paper about what he did wrong, maybe he could write sentences. I guess it just depends on his skill level. By 3rd grade for sure he should be able to write a report and paper.
As my son got older, his books got a lot harder. He's read Huck Finn, Frankenstien, Last of the Mohicans, Tale of Two Cities, etc. and that was all in junior high. It's been years since he's had to be diciplined for his behavior. He's now in 11th grade, on the high honor roll and just was accepted in the National Honor Society.
My son was never diagnosed with ADHD but did have issues every year in school. In elementary it was mostly that he was disruptive in class. He would shout out the answers and not raise his hand or would finish his work before others and would then disrupt the class. Very common behavior with boys. He did better when they started letting him go to the next grade class for math and reading. Most boys have a hard time with this. I have preschool aged children now and there are boys in the class who are on behavior systems/programs for the same reasons. I see the parents at their witts end with getting the bad reports. The boys aren't bad, they are often bored or overly anxious/excited about what they're doing and the teachers just don't know what to do with them. These select boys would benefit from a more boy-friendly way of learning but the rest of the class wouldn't so the majority rules........... It is important though to take action so the poor behavior stops which might take some creativity and the reading/writing is what worked for us and the teachers loved it......
It's worth a try.................. It worked for us.

I am sorry you and your family are going through this. I recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Dr. Greene. We as parents have to put things in baskets for them, because their frontal lobe hasn't developed enough to do it for him. Also, http://il.nami.org/affiliates.html can help you find a group of other parents who have/are there.

All the best
J.

You might want to look at his environment. ( I have several books on poor behaved children due to chemicals in their environment.. that includes Purell type, anti-bacterial soaps, laundry products on his clothes, etc, etc)
I was working with someone with poor behavior and inability to go to sleep at night and the cuprit of his problems daytime and evening was a drink he was drinking that contained aspsertame. Look at snacks, and food.
Children react and act out because there is something in him, or around him causeing his response and behavior. The hard part for you is to identify what it might be. Contact me if you need any assistance I have helped 100's of children and their families. I don't charge, I just care.

Look at the Feingold Diet! It's amazing and has helped us SO much and has changed SO many families lives. Sure you can ask your doctor and they are going to say that it doesn't work, but let me tell you, it does, amazingly well...if you follow it 100%. Most people are not willing to do it that far or find that they have other foods still to remove. Take a look at the site and then immediately remove everything that has artificial dyes, flavors, sugars or the preservatives BHA, BHT & TBHQ. You may want to also take out things with annatto as it can be preserved bad. Also remove salicylates (you'll find the list on the website). It's very hard to deal with ADHD, my DD and DH have it. Feingold has helped us tremendously and there are tons of other parents that will tell you the same thing. The artificials are neurotoxins. PM me with any other questions.

H.

I have been reading about 5-htp (which is a supplement that is related to tryptophan, a chemical in your body which produces serotonin, then melatonin - 5 htp is the step in between the tryptophan and serotonin, I understand). anyway, i ran across a lot of comments about people using 5-htp to treat their kids' adhd. they sell it on amazon and it's pretty reasonable. at least in the meantime, until you find a doc (and maybe even after that, with the doc's ok), you could try it - it is much more natural to the body than ritalin or other adhd drugs. here's a testimonial i found (and no I don't sell this or anything else; was trying to find something to treat my own pms, which this is supposed to help too, as well as sleep) (and keep in mind, I think it probably takes a few days to see a true effect):
5-HTP There is a great low-dose supplement (10mg) called 5-HTP at painandstresscenter.com. I credit this supplement with creating a normal boy out of someone who was always different (in that ADD kind of way that you know). From 1st through 3rd grade he would cry whenever he got into trouble, things weren't fair, and was easily frustrated. He would cry through entire soccer practices. Once I put him on this (10mg at breakfast and bedtime), he was a totally different person--a normal kid. He can handle the every day frustrations, kids teasing him, problems at school or elsewhere. Better yet, he had a positive outlook, seemed to enjoy things more, had a much better sense of humor, and continues to improve on social skills that were completely lacking in past years. He used to spend recess by himself or reading, and sat by himself in the lunch room. Now he hangs with the other boys. Sleeps much better too."
good luck to you!!

If he is severely ADHD, then punishing him for behavior he honestly can not control will not help. Why has he not been on meds for so long if he needs them so badly to help him. You mentioned doctor issues...but if he truly needs them, then you need to be a lot more proactive about getting him the help he needs.

Have you seen a psychologist or psychiatrist to learn more about how to deal w/ his behaviors and techniques that WILL help him? We took our soon to a child psychologist, but it was more for us to learn to help him. He has mild ADHD...basically just spaces out in class. BUT, there are still days when he seems a little amped up.

This is no fun for you as his parent or for him to constantly be in trouble. I highly suggest some counseling for you and him together to learn things to help you both. And please do what you can to get him back on his meds ASAP!!! Good luck to you both...I know how hard this is!

Maybe you could try to tweak his diet and exercise. I have read that eliminating certain things like food coloring, gluten, refined/processed sugar among other things may help children. Also, lots of defined exercise is good for anyone. Hopefully you and the doctor can get any issues out of the way and begin treatment again if that was working for your son before. Until then try to be patient, kind and compassionate towards your son and those affected by his behavior...including yourself! ADHD is a long, hard battle that will require a lifetime of dedication to your sons needs. Mistakes will be made, all you can do is show him you love him everyday. God Bless, Jessica

what kind of discipline are you using? it is hard to give suggestions not knowing what you have already tried.