Help! I Think My Two Year Old Is a Bully!

Have you considered pushing him back?
I know it sounds mean, but maybe you just need to show him that it hurts. He probably hasn't made that connection on his own.
My daughter used to have a biting problem when she was almost 2. I tried every thing to get her to stop. My Grandmother told me to bite her back and I thought it would be cruel and there was no way I was going to do it.
However, many months later, I was at my wits end with her biting and before I knew it, I picked up her arm and bit it. That little girl screamed like i killed her. I pointed out to her that it hurt and that she probably didn't ever want to be bit again. Then told her that she was hurting people just like she was hurt every time she bit someone.
That little girl has never biten anybody since.

I agree with Jeanene R, thats how I would handle it too. It kinda goes along with the eye for an eye, just not as harsh, lol. He doesnt seem to realize it may hurt because I am sure the older boys he played with were careful with him, since he was smaller.
Earlier this year, my son stole something from another student at the school (second grade) he didnt seem to get the implication of theft, so I waited till he went to bed and took his favorite lego ship. The next morning, when he woke up and went to grab his ship, it was gone! He was horrified, I told him "someone must have stolen it". Oh, how he cried. Later, I fessed up, and explained that was how he made the other boy feel. He went back to school and hugged and apologized to the boy, they are great friends now.
Good Luck!

I think you are on the right thinking track. You need to begin by "restructuring" your play time. Find other ways to play and be very firm when you let him know that pushing, taking toys away, and other negative behaviors are inappropriate. I had the same problem with my son. I used to ruff house with him and then he would go to my mom's home and almost push her down. It was funny to him, but not to her. I had to start changing the way I played with him and teach him y it was bad to hit and push Grandma. Good luck!

Hi K.,
I do not agree with those that say to push back to show your son how it feels. At that age, children are not developmentally able to put themselves in someone else's shoes, so to speak. You have to model behavior that you would like your son to show at school as well as at home. Even though the chase game is fun, obviously it is leading to trouble at school (daycare). Since he has always played with older kids, he is going to have to relearn appropriate play for kids his own age. My husband used to play really rough with our twin boys when they were little, and they showed these wrestling and rough housing behaviors at their little school. I felt like my kids were the bullies too. I had to change how my husband played with them and even today when my twins are four years old, I have to remind them that they can rough house at home but not anywhere else. Unfortunately there are no quick fixes. It takes a while to unlearn behavior as well as to learn good habits and responses. Hang in there. Your son is young. He will be able to learn how to play appropriately. It will just take time and patience on your part. Good luck!

Hi K.,
From what you wrote I don't think your child is trying to be a bully. I think that he is just doing what he has always done with you at home. I think we have to be careful and actually think ahead, which is hard, to what little things we do with our children that could then be done in other settings. My brother thought it was great to teach his 3 yr old karate, which has ended up being a problem for him in school every since. Wasn't so great in the long run. I think it is very normal for kids that age to take toys away from others. They have to be taught the skill of sharing. In your sons case it sounds like he is doing that as a way to play, like he does at home, not to be mean by taking toys from others. I personally don't think that you need to stop playing like that with him at home but, you need to reinforce with him that he can play like that only at home, not at school or anywhere else. I think if you continue to tell him that, and have his teachers also remind him, that he will understand. It will take a little time. If it doesn't stop after a certain amount of time then you might have to stop that type of play at home. Maybe until he is a bit older and can understand where it is acceptable. As for the pushing, try telling him that at school he has to keep his hands to himself and explain that he can't push, hit, ect. We are both teachers and I know even in my KG class I have to remind them multiple times a day about keeping their hands to themselves. My son's problem was wanting to hug everyone. I had to give him the speach that he had to ask and get permission first. Fact is, your son isn't even two yet. He is still learning all those social skills. I don't think the teachers should expect him to start daycare knowing all these things. Hope this works out for you.

Hi K.,
I am a preschool teacher (19 years) of Older Twos, and Mixed threes. I am also a mother of 4.
I will tell you that this behavior 9that his family has heled to create) won't be tolerated in a public preschool or elementary age class. Nor, should it be. He is putting other children at risk for injury.
First rule of thumb, have a talk with your brother (or brother-in-law) and explain the situation. Rough-housing is OK for the outdoors but not for INSIDE. When other children are present, RULES must be followed. Your little one has some "un-learning" to do in the behavior department.
If he is not in a structured preschool setting, he would probably do better in one of that nature.
I don't put up with that sort of behavior and the best part is, THE CHILDREN KNOW THAT from day 1. We have a great class. We respect each other's personal space and use manners when asking for someopne elses's toy or book. YOU HAVE TO HAVE STRUCTURE in a civilized society (such as a preschool classroom)or you get chaos.
He may be blind-sided with these new rules but ALL OF YOU (adults) have to follow them. He needs consistency and you can offer him that. Have a talk with his teacher to find out the specifics of her concerns and work on those. YOU WON'T BREAK his personality by enforcing a few rules. I persoanlly HATE to be onto a child constantly for behavior problems. I had rather have him be a child who loves to come to my class to learn and play in a positive way.
You will only do your child a FAVOR by correcting this issue now. Tell your husband, too. These men LOVE to rough it up with the kids. I had to have a talk with my son-in-law about this very same thing. My grandson, now 4 1/2, didn't understand why he could do all of this at home and NOT do it at school. he was very confused. he had a difficult time at first, but now he is having fun without being too rough with his friends. Personal space..it is a great sense of peace.
Good luck!
Cathy Robinson
Woodstock, GA