Help! I Can't Get My 3 Year Old to Poop!!

I just went through this same thing with my daughter who is 2 1/2. She would ask for a pull up to go poop then go squat just inside her bedroom.I told her about a month ago that I am not buying any more pull ups, and when they ran out, I moved her potty chair to the spot inside of her door. She argued about it for about 3 days, and has gone potty there ever since. Good luck.

My oldest was unwilling to give up her diaper. We put her in a diaper and had her sit on the potty to poop. Then we put her in the diaper but left the tapes unstuck and sat her on the potty. We then graduated to a diaper hanging down between the little potty seat and the large toilet seat. She sat on the potty seat and the poop went into the diaper. It still caught her "stuff," but wasn't on her. Finally, she graduated to squares of toilet paper floating in the water of the toilet. It sounds like it took a long time to wean her from her diaper, but I remember her moving from one step to the next in just a couple of day. Lots of positive reinforcement and hugs for pooping like a big kid. Good Luck.

My daughter had this issue also. Its pretty common for some reason toddlers are afraid of losing their poop down the potty.When she asked for a diaper, we told her that they were all gone and there would be no more. We just told her it was cool for the poopy to go down the potty. and to tell it bye bye and wave. It worked. That way she still feels in control of it. hope that i've helped

Your dilemma sounds very familiar - my son did the same things. He was "pee" potty trained at 2, but would just not poo without a diaper - he would even put one on himself and then hide under the dining room table.

At 3 years we knew it was time to get serious. I was given lots of advice, none of which seemed to work. We even tried "old school" methods out of desperation (making him feel bad about it). We considered one last thing. My son loved watching his cartoons in the evenings in our bedroom and was quite used to it. So, we let him know that only big boys can watch TV in mommy and daddy's room and until he poopies in the potty like a big boy, he can't do that any longer. When he would poopy on the potty, we would make a big deal about it and would give him back his privilage for that night along with an added bonus of popcorn. We stuck to our guns (even though it was a break for us too), and after a couple weeks he was consistently going on the little potty. He was about 3yrs and 3 mos when he was finally poopy potty trained. Now, he is 3 1/2, and we have removed the baby potty and he only uses the regular toilet. So, hang in there and find some privelage to take away. It will happen soon.

My boys are only 6 months old, but my nephew had this problem when he was little. He tells us now (he is 21 years old now) that it was scary to him to see something like that coming out of his body. As long as it was in a diaper, he didn't have to see it, so it didn't scare him. My sister was finally able to convince him that he didn't need to be scared, then he was ok. At the time, nobody knew that he was scared of it, they just thought it had something to do with being on the potty.

My now 14 year old girl did the same thing. It becomes a worry-----they can't hold it in! We tried everything and prayed for patience. Unfortunately, it took a trip to the doctor and some nasty tasting medicine before she stubbornly gave in to going! We continued to reward for several weeks after she did start. The medicine was only a softner.....after holding in for several days it does hurt to go! Good Luck!

Why not put the potty under the table if that's where she likes to go? This too shall pass. One day she'll walk up to the big bathroom toilet and start using it.

Punishing her is likely to cause issues later in life. Relax a little, as you "let go" of trying to control her, she'll be more comfortable "letting go" in a relaxed way, too.

PS I wonder if the potty seat is cold, feels exposed, or something else we can't know without being inside her head?

I'm a nurse, let me advise not to give laxatives, they can be harmful to adults and especially to children. They can dehydrate and cause electrolyte imbalances. Stool softeners will soften whatever is already in the bowel, making pooping more comfortable but not cause diarrhea. Please do not confuse the two. Fiber and fluids will also ease constipation. Good luck!

My twins were horrible at getting to poop on the potty! Like K. mentioned about her daughter, they would hold it for days. I used to feed them prunes, telling them it was "big raisins"... I didn't want to give such young children a laxitive, but I made sure I gave them food high in fiber to help soften it up and help the "urge" to go feel greater. They would also beg for a diaper, but you have to be consistant and have her sit on the potty during those times. A few things that I found that helped are fun books in the bathroom to read while sitting and even a couple of toys. It helped my boys to have a couple of action figures with them to get their mind off of sitting on the toilet. Setting an egg timer to a certain amount of minutes to sit each time she tries may help as well. She has to sit until the timer goes off. That way she won't feel like she necessarily HAS to sit there until she poops. The rest will fall into place eventually... unfortunately, it's just a time consuming process.

Best of luck!

K.,

As a mother of two you know that letting go of the poop is a big control issue. You may want to consider giving your daughter the diaper but only if she poops in the diaper in the bathroom then progress it to giving her the diaper, and sitting her on the toilet with the diaper on. Just a thought. I also have two children a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. Like your daughter my son has got the peeing thing down, but not so much with the poop. Often I will find him in the bathroom cleaning up after himself after he has gone in his underwear. I just keep telling myself, you don't see kids going to K in diapers and he will get it. I also keep telling myself as frustrating as it is for me as a parent, it must be equally frustrating as a child. Finally I have noticed that my son does not have accidents when around peers or at his preschool/daycare.

GoodLuck

J.

My dd had the same problem. She was 4 before she got accepted to pre-school with the provision that she was 100% potty trained. It was the best incentive. Only took 2 weeks. That said, I also watched my SO teach his 3 year old neice. It was odd but, she loves monster story. He told her there is a potty monster that needs her p and poo to stay happy. As long as she went in the pot it would be healthy. If she did not go in the potty, it would get sick snd not feel well.

My daughter peed in the potty regularly at 2 1/2, but would ask for a diaper when she had to poop. We'd put it on her, she'd squat on the mat by the front door (of all places) and then she'd tell us she was done and get cleaned up and put her panties back on. About a month or two before her third b-day, I started telling her that once she turned 3 she'd be too big for diapers and would have to use the toilet. She seemed fine with that but refused my suggestions of "practicing" ahead of time. On her third birthday, when she asked for a diaper to go poop, I reminded her that she was too big for diapers now and I took her to the bathroom. She went with no problem! After that, it was no longer an issue. You've passed the birthday mark, but maybe there's some other significant day you could focus on for a few weeks to prepare her for the switch?

Hang in there mom! It will happen but in their time. After numerous attempts of trying to get my 3 year old to go poop on the toilet I stopped being too pushy about it. I figured when he's ready it'll happen and took that approach (as much as I was fearful he'd never be ready) I knew more or less when he would poop after he ate so as the time neared I had him sit on the potty so I could read the book "Once Upon A Potty" to him which talked about having a "feeling" that poop was going to come out. He was so into the book that he didn't realize he was going to poop until it started coming out. After that he realized it wasn't so bad and everytime he had a "feeling" we would go to the potty. It took 3 days of repeating the same scenerio, reading the book and sitting on the potty before he got the hang of it. Encouragement and incentives work great! We praised him everytime he went pee or poop and told him if a whole week went by with no accidents we'd go to the store and buy him something (usually a hotwheel). Good luck!

We're in the same position with our son. Although we're not there yet, we're now putting his step-stool under the big toilet so that he has something to push against, like squatting. Just a suggestion to try, if she's on the toilet instead of a floor potty. I also read in a book about putting newspaper on the floor so they squat like a dog, but I don't think I can handle that!

Move the little potty under the table (for the time being) - holding it is NOT good - my four 1/2 year old has/had the same problem, although it's getting better. Read books while she goes, let her listen to music, reward her w/ ???, turn on a video and move her potty to the tv room....good luck! That's something they have complete control over!

i would stop any "punishment" like taking toys away or even acting disapointed, as in my situations it only made things worse untill i just let go and let her decide when it was time to start doing poo in the potty as well as pee. my daughter stopped telling us when she had to go poo because if the fear that we had placed in her that we would try to force her to sit on the potty, then she would go in her panties, and hide it in her bedroom...
3 yrs is actually really early to be doing as well as she is with peeing and at least telling you that she has to poo...

i would just keeo doing the poo in a diaper routine until she decides that she should go in the potty. Empty the poo from the diaper to the potty and wave good bye to it, when you flush... when your older child has a BM give her lots of praise for "going in the potty" so that the younger one can hear what is going on.
also try putting the potty under the table:)
just leave it there, and maybe she will eventually decide that it is ok to go there.
lots and lots of praise and encouragement...

You're going to hate me for saying this, but it will happen when she's ready. I had the EXACT same problem with my 3 yr old son. I kept explaining to him how easy it was and always had positive conversations with him after he would poop in his pull-up. I just kept enforcing the idea that he could do it, he just had to try. If he could go pee in the potty, he could poop also. Then a couple weeks ago, he came up to me and said, "Mommy! I have to go poop!" and he did it! Just like that. Since then, he has not had one accident during the day or at night. I can't explain it. It just happened. I know it's frustrating because we spent about 2 months trying to get him to poop in the potty. That's when I started the positive re-enforcement technique and it worked like a charm. Don't make a big deal about it. You're just gonna stress the both of you out about something that we all know she will do eventually.

Does it hurt her? My oldest son would hide and go in his unders. I stay calm and asked him why he would prefer to have all this stink and mess on his self instead of using the potty and he stated it hurt. His poo would be so big it could clogg the toilet. I said something to the dr and he had me give him a mild laxative. It worked the trick so well he went everywhere. He would go in his unders to the point I almost could not keep him in clean dry unders. We had to get something to check the diarehea. He's fine now.
Maybe she just nees a little help.

I nannied for a girl about your daughters age with the same issue it was almost as if she thought that she was losing a part of herself when flushing the toliet with her poop in it. What we did was only give her stickers when she pooped in the potty. It is obvious that you little girl has mastered peeing in the potty so therefore she no longer needs the sticker reinforcement for that. You may also want to take her poop out of the diaper she pooped in and drop it in the toliet with her watching of course and say this is where you belong the potty was looking for you. We also always (as wierd as it sounds) told our poopy and pee "thank you for coming out in the right spot" as we flushed the toliet. You may also just suggest it to her everytime she want to go and poop somewhere else (under table) about how mommy goes in the big girls potty, "when you are ready to be a big girl I bet you will go there too." Charts are good and helpful just remember they are only temporary when you feel like she has mastered something what ever it is have a celebration for it and then stop rewarding her for it at some point she has to do it just because she can. I had a poopy party with both of my nanny children. my own little guy is not big enough to be potty trained yet but when he is, I will try all these things too.Hope this helps,
Best of luck to you.
T. G. in Geist

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU FIND OUT!
My Son will be 3 in March, and he is almost completely potty trained. We have our accidents here and there. He wears a diaper at night, but wears undies all day. He too will say " Mommy I have to poop, get my diaper" I will try to put him on his potty chair, or our toilet and he just cries, and screams and tells me that "it hurts!!!" I too give in and let him have his diaper because its better than him pooping in his underwear which he has kind of learned lately to do, because he knows if he says something I'll make him sit on the potty. This is so strange! Its like they dont like to sit to poop and they must be standing to do it. Im not sure, But let me know if you find anything out, and I will do the same!
Thanks,
A. Litwin

Hey K.!

It is an old book, but Dr. Spock has a whole section about this subject, it may help!

M.

My daughter is 3 also, and I had the same problem plus a little extra. She would hold it in for days upon days. I would put her on the potty and she would scream her head off. I finally had to start giving her liquid laxatives to soften everything up after a few weeks of going in her pull ups and getting very messy, she started sitting on the potty to go since it was softer and didn't hurt. Now, I don't have any problems with her. It took about a month or so and a lot of patience. So maybe if you notice that her poop is hard, maybe try some softeners, thats what did it for mine.
Good luck

My son did this same thing! He was almost 3 and 1/2 when he was fully potty trained. He would not go poopy in the little potty or big potty. He was actually afraid to go. And, just like your little one, he was actually in regular underwear - but with him, he would absolutely hold it, not go in his undies and get constipated. And he also asked for a pull up when he had to poop. I got very frustrated, just like you! From what I read some kids think it's actually a part of their bodies and won't do it. Some are just plain afraid of the toilet - or the flushing afterwards. We tried the same things, rewarding, poop chart, taking toys, etc. Nothing worked! But one thing I did know is that I couldn't be upset with him or punish him about it. I guess that's not good at all when they're learning to potty train.

So, here's what we did. We just kept putting his pull up on whenever he asked for it, and we would take him potty to see if he would poop before we put it on. We always, always, made it positive, quit doing everything but the potty chart (he still got stickers for peeing on the potty) and if he didn't have to poop, it was okay. And every time we put him on to go poop, I would say "It's okay to poopy. Pooping is very good and if feels great when you are done!" - something along those lines. One day, he just went! That was it! So no worries, you're little one will go! Just be patient! Until then, hang in there! :) :)

Well... a couple things. She might think it hurts. Try giving her some prune juice.

She might have entered a new stage in development and feel embarrassed. You could take her in the bathroom when anyone else "goes" and talk about how big girls use the potty, everyone does this, and make a big deal about her going or trying to go. I clap and make a big to-do about my 3 year old and 2 year old going. We all clap together and give hugs when one of them goes. I involve anyone else who may be around as well... like my boyfriend, grandma, daycare, etc.

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