Help Husband Get Motivated to Lose Weight

How about a home gym in front of that tv and the little one can watch him? If he would do it, then all problems solved. Christmas is a good time to buy one.

Good luck,
D.

B. my advice to you is leave it alone. you can not encourage him to lose weight without sounding like you disapprove of who he is right now. You can however set a good example, in the meals that you prepare and the activities that choose to be involved in. You can become more active as a family, planning activities that get all three of you out of the house and moving, without calling it exercise, it is family time. You can cook healthy meals and buy healthy snacks for the family. You can set an example. Otherwise, you have to keep you mouth closed about it. I have seen too many marriages harmed by one or the other partner trying to "encourage" the other one. It does not work, it only causes resentment.

Nagging always makes it worse. My advice is to wait until your daughter is old enough to be innocently blunt. Worked for me. My four year old son (nieve and innocent) walked up tp my husband and asked him how come he eats so much food and watches so much tv (they were learning about health in preschool!). Then he told my husband he had a huge belly! He wasn't trying to be malicious of course, and I did set him down later to explain that that hurt daddy's feelings. Yesterday on the way home from preschool, he told me his daddy was turning him into a couch potato (my husband takes him downstairs after dinner (after watching tv during dinner, which I HATE!) to watch movies while my husband "games">). He even asked me why his daddy was always sick all the time. I explained to him about how eating healthy and excersice are steps to feeling better, so when he got home he told his daddy he needed to quit eating bad food and start "extra-cising" so he could feel better.

My husband was on the treadmill he bought in July and never used that same night. It took being innocently shamed by my four year old to kick him into gear, and now he runs every night.

I have some great recipies from my Taste of Home Guilt Free cookbook, such as roasted pepper ravioli, if you need some ideas....

First of all, you can NEVER make anyone lose weight if they don't want to. AND the more you bring it up the worse it will get (I know because if it is brought up to me, I promptly binge eat and make it worse). Having said that, if YOU are interested in doing something totally FUN with your newborn, I would recommend doing swimming lessons at the YMCA with the baby. Granted, the baby isn't really learning how to swim as much as getting reaquainted with the water (remember they already knew how to swim in utero). This is A LOT of fun and GREAT picture taking moments. Our Y also has an indoor track you can walk around and I have seen TONS of moms pushing strollers around the track...something to consider...

Most YMCA's will allow you to purchase a day pass to see if you like it and would be interested in joining. If he won't go, at least you can go and relieve some stress from the situation. You can't make him do it or be interested in it. You can convey that you are concerned about him but deep down it has to be his decision. Any further discussion on the subject will merely be nagging and breed resentment. If you love him, mention it once and DROP IT. Some men respond, others are self destructive...my father and husband are both the self-destructive types and no amount of talking will ever change that.

My wife joined this site and I am a husband who happens to glance at it every now and then as we have a 1 year old girl and find some interesting things on here. This post caught my eye as I can be in the same boat. I just turned 33 and am about 20-30 pounds overweight. Once upon a time I was very fit as a recon Marine. Now I am in the airlines and we are on duty 16 hours a day up to 6 days a week. On day 1 I will end at 2am, get min rest, and start at noon the next day, and start at 5am on day 3 etc... My body's internal clock has shut off. I am a walking zombie sometimes. I could exercise in the hotels, but to do so would sacrifice an hour of much needed sleep. My days at home, sometimes, are preferably spent vegetating on the couch. Not healthy, I know, considering my dad's side has a history of heart failures and diabetes. But I usually feel too exhausted to do anything. My wife is on a weight watcher thing at her work and has lost a lot of weight since giving birth. It's not that I prefer to be overweight, I just feel exhausted. Lately, there are a lot of things my wife does that helps out. Most of the food in the house, to my demise, has been replaced with health food. 45 calorie wheat bread, fat free or skim milk, lots of fruit and veggies, no more chips or junk. Initially that was motivation for me to get off the couch......to go to McD's. But ultimately I realized I am only hurting myself. My next motivation was my daughter. I would prefer she learn now to eat nothing but natural healthy foods. I still prefer my burgers and steaks, but have tried to limit myself. We live on the border of a park and that alone makes it easy for us to walk. We bought a nice jogging stroller on craigslist and my wife forces me, through guilt and nagging, to walk with her. At 4 months old, your baby is perfect for those baby bjorn carriers. It sounds like you or your husband have more excuses not to do anything. (It's ok, I still have tons of them!) but you have a dissertation, he has a hurt foot, it's cold. Who says he has to run? Walk. We are new to St. Peters having come from Anchorage. There are lots of trails. You can dress warm and you will warm up by walking. If you have a baby bjorn carrier, the body heat between a walking overweight daddy and baby creates a lot of warmth! I know! Or get a jogging stroller for walks. If his foot really hurts, there are exercises that don't involve the feet at all, crunches, sit ups etc...It's all up to him though. I still can't get all that motivated sometimes. Things you can do: replace the food in the house with healthier food. If he won't exercise, at least he eats healthy. I had no choice either. Nag him. Get yourself and baby ready for a walk or even gym and get him feeling guilty that you would prefer not to walk alone. It works for me, but I am a sap. If he seems to walk ok shopping, out to eat, at work...let him know you don't see him having a problem walking then, and that a 20 minute walk with you should be no different. It's one thing to nag him all day and then turn around and close the door working on a dissertation. But doing it together is a different story. If you care as much as you sound like you do, then take the lead. Initiate these steps. Drive down to the Katy trail. I am far from being healthy, I have a million excuses, but as I get older I realize it is getting harder and harder to lose the weight I gained. It's easier for my wife, and it's easier for me when she doesn't let up on it. Good luck!
John

It sounds like you want your cake and to eat it, too. He will have to work out if he is going to lose weight, so you may indeed be "stuck" with the baby for another hour while he does that. You have a brand new baby, a part-time job, and are working on a dissertation; maybe you are doing too much and need to let something go so you can support your husband in this venture. Keep in mind, though, it is up to him, and nagging him will only make him angry.

B., i really don't want to get into the weight issue because i think that this is something every person has to do for themselves - speaking as an overweight person with an overweight husband. but, i married him that way, so i don't feel it's my place to critisize him. i just do what i do and am trying really hard to lead a good example for our son, and hope that my hubby will pick up good habits along the way. ack and i just said i don't want to get into it...sorry! what i was going to say is, one thing that frustrated me when our son was born was how little my hubby seemed to want to do with him. it was me doing ALL the diaper changes, ALL the feedings (except for a few minutes here and there for photo ops), all the baths, everything. but then my son hit about 9 or 10 months and started getting more interactive and my hubby was all over it. i do think in a perfect world the dad would be there 50/50 from day one, but it's not very realistic, especially with the first child. take heart, i'm sure that once your little girl gets a little bigger hubby will figure out how to play with her in "his" way. they just don't seem to be programmed to deal with them like we are. i suppose in a way we let them get away with it! speaking of which, how about a little "mommy" time one evening, forcing him to take care of her by himself? might get him off the couch! just a thought, good luck :)

Hey B.!

I want you to check out www.vfl.com and read the success stories on that site then get back in touch with me. Don't sign up on there or do anything like that...just look and get back with me and I will help you sign up for this and go over it with you so you will have me as a contact and understand everything. Our company is a 23 year old wellness company and can help your husband lose weight with this program that they have put together. I would like to share more with you about this company as a whole so you can understand even more. I would need to do that over the phone with you to help you learn. You can email me or send me a private message and let me know a good day/time for you. This can really make a difference for your husband and you whole family and even help with psoriasis too. Our company has products to help with that. I would not do a gym membership either, you end up getting one and then not going and getting charged for something you are not using. And VFL is much better than Weight Watchers too and you pay like $90 but you get all that back by entering in your results on the computer each day and logging in...so $1 back/day for taking the 90 day challenge and just signing into the computer at home to track results of everything! It is pretty neat!!! Call or email me, also my other websites you can request info. from is www.2abetterlife.com and www.2liveabetterlife.com hope to hear from you soon :) Cindy

Hi B.. It's so hard after having a baby, isn't it?, to find time for everything. My daughter is 5 mons. and I lost the baby weight pretty quickly with breastfeeding, and I'm hungry all the time. I'm eating whatever I want and we have more trouble making healthy meals, so my husband has a similar challenge.

The healthy food is the best way to lose weight. You've also got to watch portions--which is my problem! Exercise alone won't do it anyway.

I LOVE Casey W's suggestion--you can both exercise by playing with baby in front of the TV. Dancing around or "weightlifting" with baby is fun for both! You can also do sit-ups with baby on your chest or legs and that is quite a workout. It's much easier when she can hold her head up well to do this sort of thing.

You could also consider games like the Nintendo Wii Fit--it has lots of workouts that don't feel like you're exercising and the baby loves watching you act silly when you're virtual hula-hooping or skiing. It's a couple hundred bucks, but that's less than 6 mons at the gym and it's right in your living room!

It is difficult to get people to do things they don't want to do. You brought up two issues, one was his weight, but I think the other is bothering you more, you don't feel he is paying you and your daughter enough attention.

I'm not sure where you live, but don't be so afraid of the cold! Have your husband take your daughter out for a short walk - while you do something in the house or you go work out! I use to send my husband out with my kids every Sunday afternoon, that's when I got some house work done. My kids are 22 and 17 and they still remember those afternoons in the park, even in the winter!

You could also have your husband walk a mall with your daughter or both of you.
When the weather gets better, give him a bike! maybe with a stroller attachment! Then they can bike to a local park.
Don't give him exercise, give him something to do!

Well, as the baby gets older, she'll get more active and lead to HAVING to move! :) I didn't see anyone suggest the YMCA but they have childcare WHILE you work out. Also and indoor track (can backpack a baby or sling - I do!). The pool is an excellent place that is low impact - again, adult swim or with your child - it's all "activity". I also agree with the posts about a healthy diet - vital. However, belonging to the Y or bringing healthy food into the house won't "make" him get on board. My hubby is still hesitant. I have learned not to push (now that the kids are older - they do it, anyway) Best wishes - happy holiday season - don't stress when things don't change - that will only make things worse for all.

Since TV seems to be where he wants to be, bring the excercise in the form of play with the little one and the TV to him.

If you watch any type of show that has music, start dancing with the baby when the music is playing, then say Daddy it's your turn to dance with your daughter. Also, if you have cable, there are music channels and you can find your style of music and dance to about four songs, this is about 20 to 30 minutes of cardio, and if you can do this two or three times a week!

No music shows, during commercials, lay on the floor and do floor exercise fun with the baby... Sit ups - Bring your legs up and lay little on one your shins and do crunches bringing your face to hers and giggle and coo with her. leg lifts-Lay her next to you and do a few leg lifts yourself and then her.

I actually like trying to work out the whole time The Biggest Loser is on and my 3 1/2 year old is right there with me. He has even gotten to where he will ask to dance when he hears music.

Not only does this incoorperate excercise, but it is also interaction with the child, which they crave!

Good Luck!

PS - If your hubby is anything like mine he will say, I can't dance, No that is too embarassing, etc... My comeback... Your son does not care how silly you will look or feel and I can't dance either and we do not have an audience, so get up here and join us!

Bad news - anything like losing weight is an internal thing. It takes dedication from within and, even though you appear to have his best interest at heart, it won't do it. And, if your husband is anything like me, the more you mention it the more resolute he'll be to not do it. My husband kept telling me that if I'd excercise I'd have more energy. I'm not overweight, but the more he talked, the less I got up and moved, and the worse I felt about myself. And, the more junk food I bought and ate. Maybe if you just do it yourself and model, he will start to take note. Don't tell him to. Do it yourself. Make it your interest - after all, if you can't why should he? I now run a couple miles a couple times a week. That's not a ton, but I do it b/c I want to. My husband finally quit bugging me b/c I finallly broke down and told him to and a few months later I found myself on the treadmill after he was finished with it. I am not more dedicated to it than he is b/c I found that I feel better about myself and actually do have more energy. Also, we eat a lot better. I do all the grociery shopping, so it was a hard transition for my husband to make. He kept saying he wanted steamed veggies and I kept wondering how I was going to steam a potato (you get the point). We don't eat fantastic and I still make cakes and am snacking on the kids' Halloween loot, but we do eat much better and I excersice much more now. So, I'd say back off a bit and set a good example. If he wants to, he will. If not, well, there isn't a lot you can do except hurt his feelings and get REALLY annoying by nagging and telling him things he already knows.

Note: My husband still hasn't said "I told you so" and doesn't bring it up. He knows better :)

my husband also gained a lot of weight after he retired from the military. We changed our whole way of eating and ate healthier as a family and he lost a lot of weight. We eat a lot of salad and fresh fruits, cut out a lot of carbs but not totally and just watch what we eat more and don't eat out as much as the food that you get eating out is full of unhealthy calories and that was our main problem. you can make a huge salad with a lot of stuff on it and have boneless chicken breast cut up and put on the salad or boiled eggs for protein and is very filling with less calories. No more than a tablespoon of dressing though and if you put it in a separate container and dip your fork in it every bite, you use less dressing but have the taste in every bite. Fresh fruits and veggies for snack, when we do have a sandwich, we use half a piece of bread which is a serving, a slice of turkey breast, lettuce, tomato, half a slice of cheese and a little mayo or mustard. We basically have our meals down to 1200 calories a day and allow other calories for snacks like yogurt, fruits and veggies. The kids feel healthier too and don't complain about what we eat. We still eat spaghetti once a week but on that day eat less calories in the other meals.
What helped my husband want to lose weight was that all of us work together to eat more healthy and he lost 50 pounds in about 6 months and is still maintaining a healthy weight. It is more expensive to eat healthy but we save a lot by not eating at restaurants as often and use that money towards the groceries and eat more healthy. Hide the junk food and dish it out occasionally but don't sit and eat a bag of chips or anything else like that. Put it in individual bowls and have that serving and hide the rest. It is hard to go on diets and go cold turkey from what you enjoy eating but you can still eat some things in moderation but not everyday.

Hi, B.. What about doing something fun and energetic together one night a week? If you have someone to watch your daughter, go bowling or do something together, so it gets him out and lets him know you still care and want to be around him. Watch TV with him sometimes, so it doesn't seem like such an irritation. He sounds just like most men when they come home from work. He wants to chill out and the TV or computer is the best way for men to do that. He probably feels like he is bonding with your child by holding her, even though he could be interacting with her a lot more. He may be bummed out himself, so any nagging will only bum him out more. Maybe you can help his skin problems out by pampering him a little with some lotion and a back rub. Men love attention, so step it up a bit, and he may become more energetic. When I want my husband to help with something, I ask him which of two things he wants to do- watch the baby or empty the dishwasher? I know you are busy with your dissertation, but keep your relationship and family foremost, because they are the most important things. Good Luck and God Bless!

Buy a treadmill and get on it. When you get off, say, "Your Turn". You can also say, "If I'm going to get healthy and live longer, I want you there with me - so Get On." "If you won't do it for you, and maybe not even for me - but do it for your daughter."

Good Luck!

I would just say to take control of the fridge and buy fruits and veggies and limit your beef intake and drink lots of water. Just because his foot is hurt doesn't mean he can't lose weight. I lost 70 lbs not exercising, and if I did it was just walking here and there. When it's warmer outside go for a family walk. You can bundle your baby up warmly and go for a short walk. If you are motivated and maybe your husband will get the hint.

I think it is all in the way it is presented. While I agree that it has to be his choice and you cannot force the issue, you can express your concern and support in a loving way and try to help motivate him. Communication is the key to any relationship but it has to be a two way conversation. I also agree that once the little ones starts moving around and he can actually "play" with her, it will get a little better. Right now he is getting daddy snuggle time and that is bonding time for the two of them which is very important at this stage.

Hi, B.--

Do you think your husband might be depressed? It's nearly impossible to motivate an adult to do something they don't want to do, so my thoughts went directly to why he isn't motivated himself. Helping him find joy in life, or energy for life, might be the better thing to focus on...what activities did he enjoy in the past? If you can help steer him toward those things again, it may jumpstart his energy toward more positive activities and result in more engagement with you, you baby, and his health.

All the best to you!

T.