Help Getting Out the Door

My daughter (also about 3.5) behaves similarly. A friend gave us the book "7 Habits of Happy Kids" by Sean Covey (Stephen's son). It's a take-off on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. The stories in there are aimed at older kids (I'm guessing 6-8) but my daughter understands them easily. In one story the lesson is "putting first things first" (1 of the 7 habits) and the main character doesn't study for a spelling test & fails, then his friends help him put first things first. When we first read this story, we talked about putting first things first in order to leave the house and she came up with each step (shoes, coat, go potty, etc.) and now I can say to her "Let's put first things first" and she gets it & is better (not perfect, but much better) about getting out the door...FYI other stories in the book talk about manners, being a team player, etc. so it's got some great stuff that I think will last us a long time. Here's the link on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1416957766?ie=UTF8&t...

she sounds like a smart little girl, so make this HER problem. when it's time to go, say "you've got ten minutes to potty, get your shoes on, and get in the car". if she doesn't, scoop her up AS IS, and stick her little behind in the car. she sure will be embarassed at the grocery store with messy hair and no shoes(put her in the buggy and ignore the looks from other parents). like i said, she sounds like a smart girl, she'll get it sooner or later. hang in there!

forgot to add: give her a consequence for not following your directions if you feel that would help. personally, i gave up on time out a while back, if myk boys are acting up enough that i have to "punish" them, they have prob taken time up that i could have gotten something done. so, instead of sitting and doing nothing in timeout, they get a babywipe and wipe the white stair railings and floor area at the bottom of the railings, if that gets too clean, we'll move on to baseboards. they HATE cleaning the stairs, so it's VERY effective...

lol.... this sounds so much like my house! I think it's alllll about control. Some things I do are #1- starthing the process earlier. Mine wants to do everything herself, so about a halh hour, 45 min before we need to get going, I will give her her pile of clothes, and tell her she needs to get dressed. As I go about getting myself/her sister ready, I keep prodding her along. If she's not making any progress, I will offer to help her. She does NOT want my help, lol so this will get her started. It is exausting, but starting earlier lets her control the sitch by taking her own sweet time, and I'm not stressing out that we are running late. The same goes for her carseat- if she isn't getting in it, I tell her if she doesen't get in and get buckled, then I will buckle her! I would love to hear the magic trick that makes getting toddlers out the door easy and without angst- but I have a feeling this is part of any mommy's day. God bless bedtime!!! (and a good glass of wine!)

We don't always get it right in our house but our system works most times.

I get my son very involved, basically he's responsible for getting ready but I will help if necessary.

So while he is having breakfast I will set out his clothes on his bed. As soon as he is done I say go get your clothes on and we'll have a race to see who can get ready first. He likes to win but occassionly if he 's not in the mood he says "no racing" -no problem for me as long as he gets dressed.

Tell her if she gets ready before you do, then she can play with toys while she waits.

Also she sounds smart and has a lot of lip to give, so like I tell my son : "stop talking and do what you need to do, people who talk all the time never get anything done". I just don't allow him to argue, give suggestions or be Mr. Smarty at this time.

Don't ask her what system to use, take time to think about a system implement it and stick to, she will fall in line and I am sure she will start reminding you when you don't follow up. Think about it, do you get to decide how much of a fine to pay if you break the traffic light?

It's also not too early to explain the concept of time and being late for school or wherever you are heading. Say "we need to leave by 8:00 each morning" and let her know it's approaching 8 and she's still not dressed or school started at xx time see you made us late.

Consistency is key. Also try to stay calm.

I got rewarded just this morning when I told him to wash his hands and get dressed. He said o.k and I have a surprise for you. Well the surprise was that he also brushed his teeth. This was one of his good mornings.

Good Luck.

P.S: My child is a year older so keep working on it.

Hi C.,
I think this is a heart issue with your daughter. She doesn't seem to understand that she must obey you. Are you consistent with her in the area of obedience? She should obey what you ask her to do just because you have asked her to do it. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to get her to respond to your instructions. It really is not something that you need a new and creative way to figure out how to get her to respond. What form of discipline do you use? These are discipline issues. If you don't get them under control now, they will only get worse. You should not have to nag, yell, threaten, have an escalated heart rate, to get her to obey. These things should be joyfully obeyed. They are the small things, but can feel so huge when things are out of control. I would work on serious first time obedience with her when you are not stressed to get somewhere. Make it become second nature to her to obey you. This will take time to undo the years of letting her rule you in this area. She probably won't like the role reversal, but in the big picture, it will really give her more confidence and security.

This is pretty common kid behavior. Everything besides what you are supposed to be doing is much more interesting.

There are some great books out there on logical consequences - disciplining in the sense of guiding or teaching using consequences that are related to the behavior. The Love and Logic series has some good tips. .

Examples of Choices and consequences would be do you want to get your shoes on in the house or should I put them in a bag so that you can put them on in the car? Do you want to sit down and eat your cereal at the table or should I make you a piece of toast for the car. If she doesn't go potty the logical consequence is she is uncomfortable. The key is when you give the choice you follow up and do what you say. I find that if I leave out the door first my kids will usually follow. If I let the kids distract me (which happens)than it doesn't work so well. Now that my son is in first grade the logical consequence for him being late for school is that he gets sent to the principal's office for a tardy slip.

As others have said helping with transitions like giving 5 minute warnings is helpful too. Checking in with kids (or sometimes even adults) to make sure they are listening by getting on their level with direct eye contact or asking them to do something (i.e. raise your hand if you can hear me) can also be helpful. Talking in low voices can be more effective than loud voices.

Good luck.

Offer her options - do you want to go in my potty or your potty? Do you want to go first or have me go potty first? instead of asking her "Do you have to go, do you want to go, etc?"

I explain to my daughter every 5-10 minutes before heading out the door what we are doing (okay now it's time to get dressed, then put our shoes on). Once the car is on, I tell her I'm taking stufff to the car then putting she and her bro in the car. I always ask if she wants to get in the car first or have me put him in it and that usually works.

When it doesn't and she doesn't want to get dresses/leave/etc, I have told her that she does NOT get to tell me or Daddy no when we are asking her to do something like getting dressed or listening. If she doesn't listen she'll have to go into her room by herself, sit in time out, etc (this is if nothing works). I've even gone as far as said "Okay we're leaving now. We'll see you later." (Daddy is always home in the mornings because he's asleep due to his shift) but she does not want us to leave without her so that works although it's not the 'best' idea.

Sounds like your daughter is needing some clear transitions in order to end an activity. If she doesnt like an egg timer, you can get ones with different tones. or go to a teacher supply store and get a visual timer (like a clock, but with a red area that dissappears s time goes by) or use a combination, or use a silver service bell, or the microwave timer. At work when its almost time to clean up, we play "you got a friend in me" from toy story. The children know that when the song is over, its time to clean up. Whne it is time to go inside from recess, some of my students need me say " okay, Im going to couont to 10 and when im finnished, it will be time to line up"

as for getting her in the car, do you have an i pod or something where you can let her listen (with one ear only so she can still hear you) when she starts to get her coat on and has to be in the car-seat before its finished? Make it a game. or maybe you guys can come up with a song to sing your selves?

Any how, the goal is to give them intentional time understand the activity they are doing will need to be finished soon and gets them prepared mentally to switch gears, not "you better do this before i get to 10 or you'll be in trouble!!"

good luck!

Liz C

Always allow 15 minutes to get in the car. Then remind her each step of the way what she needs to do (put on her shoes, go potty, put on her coat). If she doesn't do it the first time you ask, and it's somewhere fun (not necessary) then let her know that you won't be going if she doesn't do it RIGHT NOW. If you have to go, then take away a privilege you've decided on ahead of time like picking the music in the car, a certain TV show she likes to watch when she gets home, etc. The bottom line is that you need to set her up for success (15 minutes ought to do it), but then follow through with logical consequences (you don't go if she doesn't get ready).

Have you tried a different kind of timer? Maybe a digital one that shows the countdown so she can kind of see the time going? My son hated the manual timer that had the ticking and the loud ding, but he likes the ones that beep like the microwave - go figure. My son is usually the same way about getting ready, packing lunch, etc. and if I start saying come on, we have to go he says don't rush me momma I'm trying! That helps calme me down a little. I know he's a little overwhelmed with everything around him and the decisions to make (although he insists on making those decisions - within reason). Good luck to you, and if you figure out the secret, we'll all be waiting to hear back from you!

it's all about "who's" in control...& at this point, she is. Especially if she can spout off those comments to you! I applaud her sense of of humor, tho'!!

Quit the game playing, make it a steadfast rule, & if she tries to fight for control....don't let her win. Turn the tv off, & what I've found helpful is to stay in the same vicinity. If we're doing the getting the shoes on, bathroom thing.....then we're doing it together. With MY mouth shut, so that the child can be responsible. We work side-by-side, but independently....each of us taking care of our own needs. Occasionally, I've been known to surprise the kids with a special treat or choice once we're out the door....& a special "thank you" for making life nice for all of us. Good Luck

I feel your pain. My son is in first grade and I still almost blow my stack when we leave the house! LOL
Just try to keep the routine the same...like "Pee, wash your hands, get your jacket on, go to the car."
I remember I almost cried tears of joy when my son starting clipping his own seat belt! LOL

Turn off the TV. Give her plenty of warning of when you are going to go. "We are leaving in X. Go potty, get your shoes and coat on." Give warnings every 5 minutes.

I agree that you should put her in the car without going to the bathroom, no shoes or coat or whatever stage she is in when you are ready to leave. When she complains that she's cold or has to go, you say, "You should have done XYZ before we left. You had plenty of time."

Plus, consequences for not listening. While you gather her up to put her in her car seat you say, "You just lost X for the day" or "You have to do Y when we get back."

That shows her that you mean business and should be listened to the First Time. Be consistent and don't give in.