Help Getting on My Feet

there is a book called stop the violence that is about 12 .00 but maybe you can find it in a library its by nicole simpsons family. It helped me find my way out once. Good luck.

3 marriages says that you're letting yourself get wrapped up with men who aren't good for you. I know a few women who always go for men who don't treat them well. I don't know what it is about them, but always happens.

STAY SINGLE. You have kids are WAY old enough for you to be making bad impressions on them. Kids should learn the values of family and marriage through their own family. You're teaching them that marriage is just words, and when it doesn't work out, just get divorced. You're also teaching them that everytime a guy comes into their lives, they better keep in mind it's only temporary. They're going to have a hard time letting themselves become attached to people because they've grown up knowing that people they love walk out on them, never to be seen again.

If I were in your situation, I would sit down with my kids and explain to them that everyone makes mistakes, even adults. I would tell them that you've made some big mistakes and am sorry they've had to endure them. I would make a promise to them that from now on things will be different. I would also tell them what marriage means and what those vows mean so they know how serious it is. God says once you're married and divorced, you are not to marry again. Lots of people in my family have been remarried, so I understand, but I think kids deserve to know the truth from the beginning, and then give them the chance when they're older to evolve their own meanings on things.

You have to stop bringing dates around your kids too, if you are. Noone should even meet your kids for the first 6 months of dating. Your kids shouldn't grow up looking back and thinking that they're mom slept around. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but my mom went through a wild stage after her divorce and when I hit my late teens I realized that she was slutting it up. Even if she wasn't "having sex" with her dates, as a teenager, you just assume the worst. I was embarrassed of her and didn't want my friends to know she went out on dates. I just wanted a normal life. YOu owe your kids a normal life, no matter what. They're only home for a fraction of your life, after that they go out on their own. If you can't take that time to devote your attention on them and making sure they're getting prepared the best you know how, then you need to reevaluate things.

As far as getting started again...just concentrate on you and your kids' happiness. Leave men out of it. You don't need a man to make you happy. You're still young, there's plenty of time to find that special someone who when you DO marry, it can be forever with.

If you R in your third marriage and looking for an out.....you need WAY more than a job. YOU HAVE TO STOP LOOKING FOR MEN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND GIVE YOU A SENSE OF WORTH AND PURPOSE. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! YOU have to do that yourself!!!

Get some counseling.......many churches will do it for nothing and get YOURSELF on the right track. No job, man or anything else will take care of it. You have much deeper needs than a job. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. They need guidance, direction, EXAMPLES of HEALTHY relationships, etc. You need to step up, do some growing - emotionally and mentally and maybe spriritually... and give them a mother they can look up to for guidance and direction.

When you do that......everything else tends to fall in place. THEN......when things do happen, you're MUCH better prepared to handle them!

I am there too! I'm 28 and going through my second divorce. I have an eight year old daughter and five month old son. My biggest thing is financial. I don't make enough money to pay all my bills but I don't qualify for ANY assistance. I work full time days and am in the search for a part time job. My parents live close by so I am fortunate enough to have her come watch them while I work part time when I do get a part time evening and/or weekend job.

I know I won't receive child support from my sons father and I do get it occasionally from my daughters father because he's in the Army right now.

It has been so hard juggling everything from making dinner, cleaning house, taking care of the kids, to trying to get some me time whether it be 20 minutes just to breathe. Plus my five month old son isn't sleeping through the night yet so I'm also sleep deprived. :-)

It WILL get better, I promise. I did my divorce myself because I couldn't afford an attorney. It's a process of about 60 days or so to do it yourself. I'm on step two so far.

Will you be going to school full time? I know going to school will better yourself but if your going to be a single mother with three children your going to want to make sure you are making money to provide first and then maybe consider schooling, that's just my thoughts. I wanted to go back to school first but that is going to have to wait for now in my situation.

You don't want to stay in a marriage where your husband talks to you like that, have you done counseling? Do you still love him? How is he with the children?

A. -

You have a plan, so that is the first step. Just take one step at a time and one day at a time. The important thing is to move forward! Good luck and pray to your higher power for strength. You can do it!!!

L. L.

I applaud your having the courage to realize that you need to become alright by yourself before being with anyone else. It can be scary, but you can do it and when it gets especially tough remember you are also doing it for your children who are going to follow your actions, not your words. Yes, you need to find a job, you also need to go to social services to see what you qualify for. Just remember that the help you get won't be forever, just until you can get yourself together. Get food stamps, medicaid, find out what free training and assistance they can provide in your finding a job and yes, definitely go to school. If you are in Indianapolis there is a place on 86th street that you can buy a decent used computer for a couple hundred dollars.
And amidst all of these changes you need to look back and figure out how you got to here, what you were needing from the men you married (how's your relationship with your father?) I am guessing without knowing you that you have some issues within yourself that you need to resolve before you even consider dating another man. Become alright with yourself become strong as one person before adding anyone else into your life again. And learn to ask for help when you need it, without depending on anyone to be Superman.

I have been in your shoes. I left a marriage I thought was working and trying to work things out problems that did not disappear. I was down on my luck. It takes courage and intestinal fortitude. You must have a plan since you have kids. You can accomplish. If you want to contact me, I will be more than happy to help you. I found leaving my first marriage made life easier as I reduced debt and everything in my life became focused. But you have to take care of yourself and your kids. If your kids see you being treated bad, they may one day treat you the same way or think that treatment is perfectly normal.

I went out on my own at 25 with a 3 year old daughter and not much of a plan. Three years later I am remarried with a second child on the way. To be honest, having had it 3 ways now (with my ex, on my own, and with hubby number 2) I can say that things were simplest when I was doing it alone with my daughter. I found that financially i wasn't a whole lot worse off when I was single simply because my needs when it was just me and my daughter were less, and I didn't have to think about whether someone else was happy with what we had or didn't have. If I could afford it we had it, if not we improvised and my daughter didn't notice. Not to say I wasn't broke the whole time, but I wasn't broke and trying to pay for someone else's bad habits and mistakes too. I qualified for subsidized child care, which you should definitely look into if you haven't already, and there were a multitude of other programs to fall back on had my situation gotten worse than it was. There were times that I was exhausted and at the end of my rope, but I used friends and family to talk me through the worst of them, and there was never a time when I couldn't look at my daughter and think of how much I enjoyed her company over anyone else's. You would be surprised how much focusing on your kids can get you through.

Find some great resources. There are some great women's shelters out there that can help you while you get on your feet. Best of luck to you and try to stay away from the losers from now on. :)

You just have to stay positive no matter how hard it gets! i was a single mom for a long, long time. And granted I only had one, but when you're alone it seems like more. You need to focus on yourself and your kids ONLY for awhile. Its obvious you need to get okay with yourself before you'll find a healthy relationship. Until you truly value yourself and figure out what you believe in and stand for, you'll keep falling into the same traps. to be on marriage #3, you must be falling for big time jerks!! And that can be pretty easy to do, until you realize its not worth settling!! Good luck :)

I've never been in your boat, so can't give advice. I am also a single mom, not out of choice. I just wanted to tell you you can do it. You have made the first step, realizing there is a problem and being a good mom to your children by getting them out of that type of situation. If you have daughters, they will think this is how they should be treated. If you have sons, they will think this is how to treat women. Good for you on breaking the cycle. I know you can do this. You and your family will be in my prayers. Good luck to you!
R.

i know what some of the mother's with childern are dealing with i raised two boy's on my own. one turned out ok the other one is lost. but i cried when they left home. but luck has a way of coming back to me, my youngest son is back home and trying to get his life together. he actually said he wanted the lord in his life so we both go to church on sunday.we just have to pray that they make good choices in life and always welcome them back with open arms and hope for the best. good luck in school and in time u will find a job. ttyl E.

Do you have any families or friends that can help you with babysitting your kids while you are at school? It would be helpful if you have someone who is willing to help out with the kids while you look for a job or you are at school. I know it is hard to be single mother, but hang it in there. You will be fine. I used to be a single mother with two small children. It was hard, but everything turned out fine. Just take a step at a time. Try not to be overwhelming with doing many things at once.

Everyone has some great advice and ideas...another might be some individual counseling. I'm a counseling student at IPFW, and I know that we offer a free clinic to the public. This probably isn't the most convenient for you, but I would check into some schools and see what is offered. I'm sure you don't have the expendable income to seek this service, but I think it may help get other areas of your life back on track also.

I am late in reading this but I want to encourage you to talk to a counselor. If this is your third marriage and you are that young you may need some guidance so you don't walk into the same situation in the future. If not for you, do this for your children so they will see that mom realizes sometimes we need to ask for help. I know I don't want my children to make the same mistakes I made (and they were many). It will help you work through the new challenges that are going to crop up as a single parent. Good luck to you.

Your first priority is your childrens health and safety.If that is in check then go out and put in applications for subsidized housing. Tell the manager you are wanting to leave your husband but have to have a safe haven for them first.Then start saving your money even if it is part his.Deposits are very expensive and so are some utility company deposits. If your children are all boys or girls then you could get away with only a two bedroom, but if you have both you will need at least a 3 bedroom.Also many subsidized places will not take you if you are a full time student.
What you describe your husband as is a verbal abuser, he is lowering your self esteme.Do not let him make you think you are any thing but a strong woman with 3 children to care for.It won't be easy but You do have the strength to go on, a man in your life is not so important.Ignore him if you have too. Put your priorities in order and escape with your children. Get a picture in your mind what you want and don't give up until you get it.There are agency's that can help you and many churches as well, money is tight now for all of them but you can do all things you wish to do and don't let a Man stop you.

Hi A., I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation. leaving a marriage is not an easy thing to do and yet it takes great courage to stand up for yourself and decide not to take it anymore. I may be able to help you with the job part. I work from home with a very reputable company and it gives me the freedom to go to school or anything else I want to do. I work with Shaklee. Just go to my web and go to the business section. We have a compensation like no other and I can help you with all of it. www.livingwithsolutions.com I know it is a lot to take in but just talk to me. Good Luck A. whatever you decide to do....S.

A.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I haven't been through anything like this but I will pray for you and your children that God will guide your decisions. I also wanted to let you know about my business. I am a manager with Tupperware and would be happy to share more about our opportunity with you. Visit my website www.my.tupperware.com/mjarvis and send me an email ____@____.com

Most of all I want you to know you and your family are being prayed for during this difficult time.

God Bless
M.

Hi A.,
You said: "I fear doing this on my own and I don't know where to start for sure"
You have already started, and you are on the right track. This is a great time for you to go back to school- your kids are old enough to be a little bit independent. I also decided to go back to school as a single parent, and I am almost done (going to graduate next week-end!). Once you start, I think you'll be amazed at the support you'll find. There are grants and scholarships especially for single moms. I received so much aid that I was actually paid to go to school until I got my bachelor's degree. I didn't even take out loans in undergraduate (even though I didn't get child support; I worked part-time as a waitress, in order to pay for living expenses). Waitressing is very good money. You can also look into campus student employment (work-study).

One of the most important things that helped me to be successful: I got an apartment with another single mom. We lived in income-based housing, and both our neighbors on either side were single moms. It was a very supportive community; we helped each other out with child care. Also, VERY IMPORTANTLY, we had a policy that we didn't bring guys to the apartment.
Don't hesitate to accept aid of any sort (food stamps are necessary sometimes, but be careful not to accumulate too much money in your bank account when you're getting them; if you receive scholarship/grant money at the beginning of the quarter or semester, the government might see a big chunk of money in your account and withdraw your food stamps. They don't realize that money has to last 3-4 months!)
Try to get an apartment in a decent school district. Your kids deserve it.
I have to go start my day, feel free to contact me if you'd like :)
I.

I have no idea, but you are in my prayers :) Any chance counseling with your current husband would help before bailing? If nothing else, it sounds like you should seek counseling if you have a history of picking men like this. You are worth so much more!! Good Luck:)