Help Getting My 14 Month to Sit in Her Carseat...

My son is the same age and he tries to do it too, but I won't let him. I just hold him down by force and buckle him in! I am not going to wait around for him to decide wether he wants to or not- I am the mom and in control. I will not have my son rule me!

My son was totally infatuated with doing the buckle of his carseat to the point where he just wanted to do it over and over again. He happily got in and buckled, but then he wanted me to UN-buckle him so that he could do the buckle again! I finally bought a spare buckle at Toys R Us and now he can sit there and do and re-do the buckle over and over while safely strapped into the "real" buckle. Maybe something like that would help your daughter. Something to keep her hands busy while she's strapped in. Good luck!

J.,

I've heard some parents making a game out of it - how fast can she get seated in the carseat so that you can get going in the car. You can pretend to be really rushing and make it funny - she may get distracted long enough for you to buckle her in.

Does she like to go on car ideas and/or go places? If she does then you should tell her that if she doesn't sit then you can't go anywhere.

With my toddler I sometimes pretend to cry along with her and she thinks its hilarious and in between sobs she starts to say "Stop crying Mommy, please stop crying.." I know your daughter is still young but again she may get distracted long enough for you to get her in the seat...

Good luck!

I have had a very similar experience around the same time. My son is now 20months old and I still continue with the same tactics; about 5 minutes before we are leaving the house I tell him where we are going and that we have to get into the car to get there. I usually give myself a 20minute cushion just in case he's feeling like being in an exploratory mood, i.e. not sit in his carseat asap. When he is in an exploratory mood I have found the less-stressful tactic is to wait it out, but I do let him know that in about 5 minutes if he's not ready to get in then I'm going to have to help him in because we are going to be late (and that's only when I have an appt.) otherwise I figure if I'm late for a playgroup or getting to the store--oh well.
Although it is frustrating and some days I am not as patient it is just a stage for them---this is a way for them to assert themselves and learn about independence. So although it doesn't feel like a positive thing it really is...and soon enough they will most likely out-grow it and move on to something else. ;)
HTH,

E.

OK, sounds like to your daughter this has become a power/control issue. Since I assume you must drive places occasionally and it is definitely not an option for her to not be in the seat when you do, I recommend you take a hard line on this one. You need to take back control of this situation.

So, on a day or two where you don't *have* to go anywhere (doctor/stores/errands), you talk up a trip to the park, or a playgroup or something else that is fun for her but not required that you go to. Explain before you go to get in the car that she needs to sit nicely in her seat as quick as she can (make a game out of it, some reverse psychology works well) to be buckled in and no screaming or fussing or you will not take her. Period.

Then you must consistently follow up on it. Set the standard you want to live with - so if you want her in her seat right away hold her to that, do not allow her to play for ten minutes (much less 30!) Put her directly in the carseat (or allow her to climb in herself if she can), if she screams give her one warning, then take her out of the car, telling her that it's too bad you can't go to the pool/park/etc. Wait a couple of hours and try again. She's old enough to understand consequences, so make sure not to reward her for misbehaving when you go back into the house, either.

Besides the stick, you can also use the carrot approach. Make a chart, give her a sticker whenever she does something right (without fussing), this can include riding in the car. Or you can make one up just for the car. If she gets X number of stickers, then she can pick out a toy/treat/trip to the park.

Making it a game (how fast can she the two of you get her buckled in, singing a funny song, making faces to get her to laugh, making it tickle, etc.) is helpful and you can do that every time as you are buckling her in, but when it comes down to it, put her in the seat right away and buckle her in, regardless of her temper tantrums. The bigger she gets, the harder it will be to do, so you need to establish this *now*.

Please don't "feel terrible" about her screaming. She's angry and using that noise to express herself and to manipulate you, if you let her. So, don't let her. If you don't react, she will get bored of it. Get earplugs. When it all boils down to it, sometimes we *all* have to do things we don't like or want to do and children are no exception (taking medicine/visiting the doctor or dentist, etc.)

The trick is always figuring out which stick and/or carrot to be using in each situation. If you can resolve this well now, you will go a long way towards minimizing future power/control battles with her. (And trust me, there will be many!)

Good luck!

There are many tactics you could employ to get your daughter in the carseat, but at the end of the day her screaming and protesting is actually a sign that she is developing in a perfectly normal way. Just as when a toddler starts the 'mine' phase, these things show that their self-awareness and opinions are developing - perfectly good for them, not always so pleasant for parents! I hope that helps you not feel so bad.

We went through the same thing with our now 2 year old. She still fights on a very rare occasion (like when she is tired or hungry) but otherwise has stopped. We let each of our kids pick one toy from the house to take in the car (I have rules about which ones, i.e. no puzzle pieces or components to toys that would be useless if the piece is lost). Once they are big enough we let them climb in by themselves and put on the chest strap if they can. We even bought a little stepstool for our van since the captains chairs are pretty high. It seems these things give them a little 'control' over the carseat situation and has helped.

Hang in there - this too shall pass!

Is the car seat too small or the belts too snug that they are pinching or squeezing her too much?

Do you have any "special" toys for the car rides that are exclusively for play if on your daughter remains in her seat?

No suggesstions - but keep up what you are doing! Just keep telling her carseats and seatbelts are not up for discussion. Oh well if she has a fit - you have tried everything else and doing exactly what you are suppose to do. Likely to be a short phase especially if she never wins the battle! Good luck - and maybe try special music for her in the car once she is strapped in to at least settle her down.

J.:

Hello! I feel your pain!

At this age she is exercising her control and she's definitely got control. If you don't step up now and take back control, then when she hits 2 and 3, you will be hating life.

I would take the car seat out of the car and look it over with her - are the belts too tight? I would scream too if my seatbelt was too tight and I couldn't do anything about it.

If you can fit or slip your fingers under the belt comfortabely (they shouldn't get red) then it they should be too tight. If the straps are (I'm assuming it's a 5-point harness) below her shoulders, then the belts aren't adjusted properly. Move them up to the next rung.

If none of this is the case, I know this sounds bad, but she definitely rules the roost. You are the parent. I realize you don't want to hurt her feelings - however, which is more important to you - her safety or feelings?

I'm sure there are toys she can play with while in the car seat. As long as she gets her way - she's in control, not you.

If she's playing with something when you need to leave and it's small enough to let her bring it - let her. However, it's YOUR choice, not hers.

Take care!