Help for a Worry Wart

I deal with OCD and severe anxiety and its horrible and debilitating some days. I feel for you because I too always go to the worst case scenerio as well and there is nothing nice about always dwelling on the bad or always feeling there is something wrong
I just take it day by day because I dont want to be on meds for the rest of my life - I also tried therapy which didnt really work for me but theres nothing to say that it couldnt help you
I hope you can learn to relax because like I said I know what its like to live like you have described and its no picnic
Good Luck

Is it possible trace your thoughts back? I mean, when you jump to the worst case scenario, are you able to slow down, step back, and then think about how you went from fever to seizure?

What about deep belly breathing? When you have anxiety, your fight or flight response kicks in, raising your heart rate and making your breathing more shallow. That reduces the amount of oxygen to your brain, which means you're not thinking as clearly and rationally as you otherwise would.

If you try to breath deeply and slowly, it will often slow down that flight or fight response and allow you to evaluate a situation from a more rational standpoint.

When I say belly breathing, I mean that when you breath in, your belly should expand. Many times when we try to take a deep breath, we raise our chests and our belly stays the same or gets sucked in.

My therapist taught me to breath in through my nose for 3 slow counts (making sure my belly expands), hold it for 3 slow counts, then breath out through my mouth for 3 slow counts, wait for 3 slow counts, then repeat. It amazed me how much calmer I became almost immediately when I would try this.

Also, you could do some research (if it won't make it worse) about the likelyhood of your daughter having a seizure from a fever at various degrees, the likelyhood of your daughter having a tumor rather than a simple headache, etc. Arm yourself with information - but only if you can use that info constructively. Some people do research and it only makes the fear worse...

Having a medical/EMT background, of course I think of the 'what if's', but I use my knowledge to my advantage. Of course, a headache could be a stroke, concussion, retna's detaching from the orbits of the eyes, a mazillion things, BUT, since I know what to look for in those things, I can quickly rule them out and call a headache 'just a headache'.

At 11, your daughter may have a headache due to stress, premenstrual symptoms, too much time in front of the t.v. or computer, etc.

If she isn't sluggish, her pupils are equal and reactive to light, has a relatively normal appetite, weighs an appropriate weight, 'acts herself' (minus whatever obvious pain is associated with a headache), isn't leaning her body or tilting her head to one side and she's lucid, responsive, breathing normally, etc... it's JUST A HEADACHE.

People who think the worse (like you, and I don't mean this in a bad way), are educated enough to know it 'could be' something else, but not educated enough to rule out those awful possibilities, if that makes sense.

My point is, don't go to webmd and look this stuff up. If you happen to take med classes, you'll understand where I'm coming from better... I guess preventative measures and knowing what to do if something (ex: a seizure) does happen, you'll feel a lot better being proactive about it.

She's just fine :)

I've dealt with anxiety and depression for quite a few years and what has helped me is the recognition factor of my thinking. My recommendation is to read a book written by Lucinda Bassett about Anxiety. I know her program is called "Attacking Anxiety and Depression." And, you don't have to have depression to benefit from this program. I just can't remember the name of the book off the top of my head - may be the same title. Anyway, when I read the book for the first time, it was like "hey, I finally found someone who understands what's going on in my head." She just helps you realize how you are thinking so that you can learn to address it or get past it. That's how I was finally able to go off my medications - I actually got to the point where I thought I was ready to deal with it on my own and all has been well. Just so you know - I read the book way before I did the program because the program is expensive. I do have the program now and am grateful for it. But, the book was a real eye opener from the beginning.

So what would you do if your daughter did have a seizure? Then what would you do? Then what would you do? And then what would happen?

A big issue with anxious thoughts is that we tend to dwell in the middle of the "horrible" thing and never move through it. When we end up dwelling on the worst case scenario it feels like that will define the rest of our life. Questioning the thoughts and moving to what we would do if the worst case scenario happens leads us out of the trauma vortex.

For example, when you think, "My daughter has a fever.", "OMG, what if she has a seizure." Don't stop there and just visualize the fearful picture of the seizure. Visualize and articulate what you would do in such a terrifying situation. Would you quickly move things away from her so she doesn't get hurt? Would you call 911? Would the doctors run tests to see what was wrong? What would happen after that? Would she probably get some help with whatever caused the fever and heal and be a healthy little girl again? Could there be permanent damage and then you would have a tough road ahead? Maybe. What would you do then? I suspect you would love your daughter and be with her and cherish every moment with her.

Even if we go to the very worst case scenario and a child dies: What do parents do that lose children? First they grieve and are in deep, deep pain for some time. And, yes a certain amount of that pain will always be there. However, life moves them along. With that, some parents establish amazing foundations based on the circumstances of their child's death. Some parents realize how precious life is and are more present for their other children and for themselves. Etc.

We spend so much of our time and energy focusing on all the horrible things that can and do happen that we are constantly fearful and exhausted. We so want to avoid the feelings that we think are dangerous such as grief. The paradox is that the more we try to avoid the feelings the more insidious they become and then we create exactly what we are trying to avoid--feeling horrible all of the time.

We would love to be able to control life. That is not going to happen. Instead, we could learn new tools and resources that would support us when the bad things do happen. We could learn to allow ourselves to feel our feelings and resource them rather than trying to avoid them.

So, reach deep into yourself and identify all the amazing things inside of you that would allow you to deal with even the worst of scenarios. Are you intelligent, compassionate, creative, determined, organized, friendly, or stubborn. What are your qualities that would sustain you and allow you to deal with crisis? We all have so many internal resources that we just never acknowledge. Become aware of what you have. Use what you have. Know that you have so many things inside of you and outside of you that would support you no matter what might happen to your daughter.

I am secretly this person. I even jump to conclusions when my kids get the basic flu or cold. Something more must be going on. The biggest thing though is to NEVER let your kids know you do this. They will become little hyperchondriacs.

I don't know if you are religious or not but I sure find a lot of comfort in knowing there is a perfect plan and trusting that all will be taken care of. I want to enjoy my kids not stress every two minutes. It sure helps.

Good luck!