Help - Emotional Bedtime Battles

I wouldn't stress over this one, and I agree with you that the same routine can't be applied to all kids. My own two are totally different in their bedtime rituals but they've got the two same parents who instituted them! :) Just as long as she's not 10 years old still wanting to sleep with mommy, but at her age I wouldn't be that worried. She'll adjust when she's ready. Maybe just casual conversation with her during the daytime like, "So do you think you wanna try being a big girl tonight and sleep in your room by yourself like big girl's do?" Just reassure her that you're always close by if she needs you. And make sure she's got a night light if you don't already have one in there. But in the meantime I would cherish the extra cuddles if I were you! :)

I would look up a book on attachment parenting rather than the "normal" books. It might be less difficult for you and your child. There is no one way for a child to react, and every child is different, no matter what books and other psychologists say. Sometimes they often "box" chidlren into an area of "normal" which may not fit every child and makes them "abnormal" but it is only "abnormal" compared to the majority.

If nothing else is working, though, I'd definately look for stuff by and for attachment parents. It may give you a different perspective. There is something about sleeping alone that is causeing the issues, not necessarily the act of sleeping alone itself. Does she have nightmares? Or does she have the worse night terrors, which can be debilitating in anyone, but especially in children? She may have one or the other and not talk about it, only react to it. :) Good luck.

Gosh, that sounds rough!
In your place, I think I'd continue sleeping next to her for a few years. Can you get up after she goes to sleep and sneak out for a few hours of private time once in a while?

Hi C.,

Boy do I know what you are going through! However, my situation is with our 8 1/2 year old daughter who developed a severe anxiety disorder about a year ago. Since then, she won't sleep alone or be alone in any room in our home. It's thrown us completely! While our situation seems to be more severe than yours, I have to agree with the last mom who responded -- baby steps are crucial! Don't expect things to happen quickly, but they will happen with a lot of perseverance and patience.

In our case, we have three other children - she is our third - and they are all very close in age (11, 10, 8 1/2 & almost 8). We remain consistent in our discipline with all of them and she doesn't get special treatment because of her anxiety disorder. However, we do spend a lot of extra time taking steps to make sure she feels safe. And, we see tiny bits of success every day. So, don't give up! You seem to be doing everything you can to help her, even seeking out professional advice, so pat yourself on the back.

Prayers and wishes for success! L.

Baby steps, my daughter slept with us for almost 2 years before she started sleeping on her own and still sometimes wakes up having a bad dream, or not feeling well and wants to sleep with us. We started her out in the bed with us and then moved her to a pallet on the floor and I would hold her hand, then she didn't need me to hold her hand, then she went to her room all on her own. It takes time and baby steps, just keep doing what you are doing but try to distance yourself every so often so that she will eventually do it on her own.

It's not that they think the same routine will work for every child. The routines they give are examples for you to try until you can establish your own routine. A routine is exactly what you need as well as reassurance that while she's alone in the room she's not alone in the house between every step in the routine. AND You need to get back to sleeping with you husband in order to give her a good sense of how a real couple is together. Buy some wax ear plugs and tell your daughter to come to you if she wakes.

My experience is similar although my boy is older. His dad used to be the one that would settle in beside him and once his father got up the boy would join us in our bed as soon as he realized he was alone. Here's our routine.

We start at 7:45 picking up toys in the livingroom. Then we progress to one child's room then another. While the younger one is in the bath and having alone time with Daddy reading books, the older one has fun on the computer. Once the younger boy is in bed the older one goes into the bath, then into his room for books and special time. He stays in his bed for this. Afterward, if he comes out we wordlessly and emotionlessly take him back to bed, cover him and leave. The out bursts have awoke the younger boy but not often.

It's called sleep training. You created this situation and now that you aren't happy with it well it's not fair to complain about routines and suggestions. You have to make the first firm step and stick with it. It takes 21 repeated efforts for something to become a habit so this is going to take some time.

hi C. can you try to get her to lay down and then start doing different for you. like instead of laying right next to her you are a little farther away or you replace you with a new stuffed animal and then you sit next to the bed, also kids are very aware of what gets them results so if she knows that when she gets upset like that you wont change anything. just suggestion hope it helps W.