Hoping someone out there can give me some advice. My 2/12 year old daughter has recently started not sleeping. By this I mean that when we put her down at home for naps or at bedtime, she rolls around, kicks the crib, talks, sings...everything but sleeping. It's taking anywhere from 1-2 hours after we put her down for her to finally go to sleep. During that time, my husband and I keep going in there to tell her to go to sleep. Recently, the frustration has gotten the better of both of us and we've been losing our temper and yelling.
She has been much crankier and more defiant recently and I'm convinced some of it has to do with being tired. My parents think its because she needs to be in a big girl bed, but I'm not sure I agree. I've been given the advice to not go in her room unless she's crying. However, I don't feel that is best since I need for her to get her rest. Last night, she went to bed at 8:15 and, after many trips into her room, she finally went to sleep at 10:05 - not good.
HELP...I'm trying not to lose my temper, get frustrated and yell...but this has been going on for almost a month and I'm sort of at my wits end.
I realized that I didn't mention when I originally posted that we have a bedtime routine - bath, books, etc. which had been working well up until this recent change. As for the yelling, we don't always yell - its been a recent thing due to frustration over not knowing how to handle the situation.
For the most part - she is sleeping about 11 hours a night. She is in daycare all week and is still in a room where they have naptime. She has been napping there for 1-1 1/2 hours with no issue. So - I'm not sure getting rid of naptime at home is an option.
Last night, we took all her dolls and stuffed toys out of her bed. We let her pick one to go to bed with her and told her if she was good and went right to bed, she could pick a second one today for naptime. Now, she didn't nap yesterday, so was exhausted and went right to bed and slept for 11 hours. I just put her down for a nap with two of her stuffed animals and she is in there banging around and chatting.
I TRULY appreciate all the advice and hope we can get past this sooner than later. My hubby and I have vowed to not yell and, if possible, not go in there unless she's crying. THANKS to all of you who chimed in - much appreciated!
at that age sometimes its time to cut out their nap and put them to bed earler. Thats what happened to my son at that age.
I'm not sure what your bedtime routine looks like, but there are many things you can do to calm her and help her relax so that she can sleep.
Our routine is rather relaxed. Bath, brush teeth, read books, bed. This works with my 4 1/2 year old. With my almost 2 year old, we snuggle on the couch until he drifts off to sleep. Then I place him in his bed.
At this young age, many kids need to be "parented" to sleep (as the Sears call it). Dr. Sears has a book. I also recommend "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly.
Good luck! Remember, this won't last forever.
I hear how concerned you are about your daughter's well-being. Unfortunately, I have never in my life known a person, adult or child, who can sleep on command. The best they can do is get comfortable and relaxed. Sleep arrives when it arrives.
I hope you'll restrain your impulse to yell at your daughter. I can't imagine a situation in which that would help. I was a child like your daughter –simply could not fall asleep for an hour or two. My mom would be livid if she heard me moving around in bed, and heaven forbid if I got thirsty or had to use the potty during the night. While I don't remember for sure, she probably spanked me and a sister who had similar difficulty sleeping (she spanked for everything). I learned to lie still until I slept, but it still took forever – her lack of patience probably did not speed up the process of relaxation.
If anything, the added tensions around bedtime probably made it harder to relax into sleep. I still have trouble sleeping today (I'm 63) – I think it's simply a hereditary handicap. And for the past quarter of a century, I've been aware that I am hypersensitive to common, everyday chemicals (more below) that can also make it hard or impossible to sleep.
It's probably pretty apparent by now that your trips to your little girl's room at night are not really promoting faster sleep, so I suggest you stop doing that. Popping in, particularly if you're tense or angry, probably stimulates additional brain activity and emotional tension, which will make sleep more elusive. Stress releases cortisol, which stimulates the brain. It might be possible to help her relax with cuddles, head rubs, lullabyes, but there's also the possibility of developing a habit rather than facilitate your daughter's ability to relax by herself. The cuddles and bedtime ritual is wonderful, but should ideally happen before bed or when she's first put down for the night.
There are a few factors which may improve your daughter's tendency to sleep. Children generally sleep better if they've gotten LOTS of physical activity during the day. Outdoors is best if weather allows, because exposure to natural daylight, especially early in the day, helps set the biological wake-sleep clock, and exposure to nature tends to be soothing to the whole child.
Screen time should be limited, and not allowed within a couple of hours of bedtime, because the light given off in the blue range disturbs the production of melatonin, a hormone produced in the brain which helps bring on sleep. Plus, carefully-controlled studies strongly suggest that the passive nature of TV viewing and quick editing during most programs and ads mess with normal brain function, affecting the ability to focus, learn, and possibly sleep.
Your daughter could also be exhibiting an increasingly common problem: chemical sensitivities. Exposure to common household cleaners, the residue from scented fabric softener and detergent, air freshener, bath products, etc., can get a kid's nervous system too jazzed to relax and sleep, and can also cause other unpredictable emotional outbreaks or meltdowns. I'm chemically sensitive myself, and have gone as long as four nights at a time being completely unable to sleep. It's worth considering – if you use these products, try eliminating them for a couple of weeks and see if it makes a difference. You may have to bag them in plastic to contain the scents and other volatile compounds. (Baking soda and white vinegar are superb, non-toxic cleaners that will handle almost anything, and unscented detergent followed by a cup of vinegar in the rinse cycle do a very adequate job on jammies and bedding). New fabrics, furnishings, and cotton-poly mix sheets also off-gas toxins, as do many paints and carpet glues.
Finally, taking melatonin at bedtime helps some children, but don't do this without consulting your pediatrician. This sleep-inducing hormone is natural, and many pediatricians consider it safe for children – some don't. If you try it, experiment to find the smallest possible dose.
2 1/2, she is ready for a "big girl bed" but I doubt thats the reason. Can you fall asleep on demand? Or by someone "yelling" at you to fall asleep? It wont work. I would give her a snack of bananas, warm milk, turkey sandwich etc you know, the sleep foods, a warm bath, nice bedtime story, and send her off earlier, so she has her bedtime playtime that she's engaging in, (which is normal, it was for my girls) and falls asleep by your designated bedtime, so if it takes her 1 or 2 hours, drop her bedtime at least an hour earlier, and let her be. Keep the lighting low, kids dont like the dark, and let her have soft toys, books, things for quiet play. Just let her be, dont go in and tell her to sleep, it will just stimulate her to be more awake. Dont engage in the power struggle, kids always seem to win them, and it will lead to more struggles with food, toieting etc. she'll sleep......
So, the child is happy and content in bed - definitely don't go in - she'll probably go to sleep sooner - you going in is certainly not helping. Be thankful you and your husband get that time together in the evening - talk, read, cuddle, do house projects, knowing she is safe in her crib.
I think if she is okay with being in her bed and is able to get herself to sleep, alone without you having to hold her or rock her...be grateful!!! I understand it is frustrating when you want her to go to sleep, but it could be so much worse!!!! Just read questions from other Mom's on this site about kids that scream and cry at bedtime and wake up constantly throughout the night and you'll realize what's going on in your house is really not all that bad....I definately agree....no yelling at her...she's really not doing anything wrong...if she is not crying, leave her alone and let her fall asleep in her own time....no one could yell at you and MAKE you fall asleep when you weren't ready yet. Good Luck!!
Hi!
How much sleep is she getting in total (naps and night?) At this age, some kids only need 11-12 hours total... both my kids started weaning themselves off naps at this time, and were nap free by age three. I found that when they did nap if I limited it or not let them nap too close to bedtime, it helped them sleep better at night. If my kids took a 2 hour nap, they might only sleep 10 at night.... I also found that with my son, if he fell asleep later, he actually got up earlier during this stage. After a while, when he didn't nap, he would fall right asleep at night and sleep well all night. My son will be 3 next month and is almost nap free, though we do enforce a rest time. He sleeps 11 to 12 hours at night. The transitiong from nap to no nap is tough, but I have heard that many kids go through a tough sleep schedule change around this age.
I've got nothing for you, except sympathy. I read this because we are in the same situation! Our daughter has gotten worse and worse in this respect. She's coming home from daycare at 5:40-6pm, so getting her to sleep earlier than we do is hard, and if we manage it it seems like it just takes longer until she falls asleep at the same exact time!
I'm starting to think that kids get into a weird age where they still need a nap can't stay awake happily for that many hours at a stretch, but they don't need 12-14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. So it means they go to sleep late. Of course, I have a weird late-riser, so that could be part of our issue.
Anyway - GOOD LUCK. If you come up with a solution, please let me in on it!
Can you cut out the naps at day care? Maybe she needs to be placed in a room with older kids that have quiet time, not actually encouraged to sleep. My daughter had to give up naps at 18 months in order to have a peaceful bed time!
yes ours is doing the same thing and we do not go in there. i turn down her monitor so i can not hear her but i can see her. if she wants to roll around for an 1 or 2 and then go off to sleep then that is how it has to be. we noticed she started doing it when we put her to bed later and so we started to put her down earlier and she has for the most part stopped doing it. dont go in the room unless she is crying for some reason. maybe she is teething and just doesnt feel like going to sleep yet...are you giving her any juice before she goes to bed? if so - i would stop that.
