Help! Baby Shower Drama! o_O

I would suggest letting each of them plan their own baby shower and be grateful you're getting them for a second baby. Most don't do one for other pregnancies so you're getting a lot more than others get.

I think every child deserves his/her own shower if someone wants to hostess it. The food that is served is what keeps me attending showers... lol

Call me old fashioned, but why are you having a baby shower? Your 1st is less than 2 , correct? And another girl?
If it were me, there is no way I would allow another shower let alone go through drama for it.
I would be broke if I went to a shower for everyone of my friends, 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc..child.

I would let your MIL throw the shower in the evening and give her the guest list of her side of the family.

Have your mom throw a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby is born.

It's considered tacky to have a shower for a second child. It's more appropriate to have a meet the baby party so everyone can congratulate you PLUS meet your new little one. Gift opening should not be a part of a "Meet the Baby" party and a registry should only be given out if asked.

Since your MIL didn't come to the first shower, it might be okay for her to throw a shower for the second one, but only invite her side of the family. Do not invite people who came to your first shower.

I politely decline invites to showers for second babies. I do show up to meet the baby after its born and bring a small gift.

My two cents.

First throwing your own shower for amsecondmbaby of same sex is tacky
Sorry. Let your Mom handle it. You cannot make everyone happy so whatever time of day it is, it is. People who can make it will come. Those that cannot,mwont. Impossible to accommodate all.

<sigh>
Isn't it supposed to be about showering the mother of the baby? Grr!
I may be tempted to say, thanks ladies, but since this is our second baby I don't really need another shower, I think we'll just have everyone over for a coffee and dessert (or wine and cheese) meet and greet after the new baby arrives.
Seems like that would be a whole lot easier on YOU, and you can control the date, time and place, which will ensure that the people who are the most important to you can make it :)

First of all I am not a fan of showers after the first baby-unless they are so far apart as to warant new items. Beyond that- I wonder if your husband's whole family was not at your first shower or was it just his mom This baby is 50% - that means HALF -HIS family. I do think if you must have a shower and they want to throw it then you really should let them. Your family did the first one. AS far as your family is concerned tell them to throw something small that only your closest family will go to. Sorry but after your first it should not be 'as' important to have everyone there...you have 'been there done that 'with your day in the sun with the first.
Sorry if I sound harsh but I have HUGE issues when it appears to me that the inlaws and es the MIL are getting the short end of the stick. All mothers of boys need to think about that.

A surprise shower, my freaking arse.

At this point I would recommend a "meet the baby" party on a weekend day.

Let her have a shower for you and whoever on your side that can come will come. If you want, once the baby is born, have a little get-together for anybody who wants to stop by and see the baby. But don't call it a shower. Just a meet-the-baby party or something.

I can't imagine that everybody is all that excited about coming to a second shower anyway. And you really shouldn't be planning it at all.

I'd have two separate showers - one your mom gives and one your MIL gives. Have the early one for your family and friends. Have the late one for your MIL's family and friends. Tell your mom that you have to leave at such-and-such a time to get to your MIL's.

I wonder why your MIL thought a surprise shower was a good idea. It's not even a first baby, for heaven's sake.

Dawn

My kids are older, but, nobody ever suggested a shower for the second child. Several people came to the hospital w/ small gifts.

None of my friends had a baby shower for baby #2 either.

...I don't know what to say except let your MIL have it at the time she has chosen w/ her side of the family. She can then cook for you and her side of the family. This way she won't be overwhelmed w/ having to cook for everybody.

Let MIL have the shower for her side of the family.. Not a big deal.. and it will make her happy.

Then IF your mom really wants to do a shower for your side of the family.. allow it, The problem is you already have a child, so not sure what all is left for anyone to purchase for you..

Be prepared to just get a ton of clothes..

Maybe just a brunch in your baby's honor would be better. Or a tea.. to meet the baby..

I was embarrassed to have a shower for my first baby, which my friend and sister organized, but grateful for the help and generosity. Since your MIL is doing this for you, don't you think it is most appropriate to be gracious and accept what she is offering? Most people I know would not even be so blessed to be offered a shower for the second baby, and no one I know would expect one, demand it be done their way, or plan one for themselves.

I would decline both offers as I don't think showers are appropriate for anything after the first child except under unusual circumstances. It's also tacky that either side expects you to be this involved in planning a shower. Your mother and MIL, if they insist on doing this, need to communicate with each other and keep you out of it.

I would suggest that perhaps it would be more appropriate for them to help you host a little gathering after the baby is gone. That way you won't be trying to plan a party while caring for a newborn, people get to see you and celebrate the baby, and you don't commit the social faux pas of a second shower.

What I'm hearing is, you only want/will only enjoy a shower that your family/friends can attend, regardless of whether anyone from your husband's side can go ("she wants to do an evening shower, which does not work for my family or friends...but she says her family [...] can't come early [...] I tried explaining to her that its important for me to have everyone there but she just keeps saying early won't work! But late doesn't work for my side.") It sounds like 'everyone' just means your family's side. Sorry, but it's just not nice. Your daughter is part of both families and both are so ready and happy to welcome her. This is a time to be gracious. She was unable to attend for the first child and perhaps it was because she didn't really feel welcome or a part of family.

Let her throw you a shower. Whenever and with whomever. You might have to attend two different parties or your mom (and you) have to relinquish some control and grow up. It's a wonderful gesture. And seriously, it's not about you; it's about the baby. A baby that deserves both families in her life. Anyone willing to attend either shower and share your joy and her life is worthy of a chance to come, even if you've only met them once.

Best of luck with baby #2!

You should not have to plan your own shower. I would tell her firmly what specific date and time work for you, and then tell her she needs to work with your mom to coordinate everything so that as many as possible from both sides of the family are included. This should not be your stress to deal with. In fact, I would even consider sending an email to both your mom and his mom and providing a date/time that works for you and then tell them kindly that you appreicate all that they are doing for you, but you feel very uncomfortable with playing middle man for your own shower. Let them work it out together. Might be a good bonding experience for them anyway. Congrats on baby #2!!

Let your MIL do this shower (if you're sure you want a shower for a second baby. A "meet & greet" that YOU host after the arrival would maybe be more appropriate) her way this time. If some cant make it, they can see you after the baby arrives, right?

I like the idea of brunch with your side and the evening with the MIL. I think that is a good compromise.

Just do two. Do yours, with your family and let your MIL do hers, with her part of the family. Problem solved, everyone's happy. (or not. I mean, if everybody has to have it 'their way', no one will be happy. concession is key here.) This way, you don't hurt her feelings, you get to see everyone you want. All good. Or not. Your husband can kindly let his mom know that she should go ahead with her plans, and she should plan for whoever can come to her 'event'. The others who can't make it at her time can come to the brunch.

In fact, most of the time I hear about baby showers, there are multiples due to groups of family members, friends, and everyone's availability. If you really want the second baby to be celebrated, just remember that the celebrators might have to do it in shifts. If everyone keeps in mind that it's about the baby, and not about people getting their way, it should all be fine.

I would tell MIL to plan her event for a time that works for you and her and let your mom host whatever she wants for that subset of people. (Shouldn't DH have known?)

You can't always have "everyone" everywhere. I had 3 showers and had I had any input (surprise...grrrr.) I would have invited different friends. If MIL keeps stressing you out, tell her she's putting you into early labor, so knock it off.

Ummmm....why are you plannig your own shower? All you should provide is the date and time you can be available. Tell your husband to talk to his mother. Or have your mom and her discuss and perhaps come to the understanding that there may have to be 2 showers. You shouldn't be stressed over it. Try your husband first.

The only thing I can think of - is 2 separate baby showers on different days.

PS - what is the big deal about having a baby shower for your 2nd baby?! Jeeze people. It's not like you are planning your own shower. Baby showers are fun.

I would say, sorry you were planning a surprise shower, but since we obviously didnt know, we already planned one. We would love your help with it, but cannot compromise on the date/time. I hope people can still make it, but understand if they cant. If cooking for an earlier in the day party is too much, we will just get catering/subway or whatever.
Who would plan a surprise party for an extremely pregnant person with a toddler?? She will just have to understand that this is the result of poor planning in her part, you shouldnt have to change everything because she wants to step in and take over at the last minute. It might be a good idea for your husband to gently remind his mother that this party is not for her, its for you, and the time that works for you should be the time that you are having it.

You should not have to do any prep any work any stress over this, Your mom, your husband and your MIL should work it out and you just show up.

I think you shouldn't have a shower for a baby that is less than 2 years younger than the first one and the same sex (just what I got from reading some other responses on the age and sex). I think even if people want to throw you one, others might feel put out.

I like the idea of a meet the baby party and tell people no gifts. Of course many still will, but nothing should be expected.

Well yeah, I get that maybe she was trying to do a surprise, but honestly, shouldn't someone have known by now? It seems odd that your husband or mom didn't know about the planning. I would say this...tell your MIL that you're very sorry that no one knew about her plans and the cat is out of the bag and that she must be disappointed, etc. Then say that your mom is already working on plans for one shower at brunch time. Tell her you really want her to be together and help with some things so call your mom and plan with her. Give your mom fair warning, but honestly, there isn't much you can do, you do not need to be in the middle.

If you are okay with going to one in the morning and one in the evening then give MIL this choice again. I know you already brought it up but simply tell her that her only options are to coordinate with your mother or you will be happy to come to her event in the evening (or possibly another day).

Have both, more love for u and the baby and no drama!

I would put the two together (mother and MIL) and tell them my availability and desires and let the details be my surprise.

I am in agreement that another shower at this point would be inappropriate, so I think that you should insist on no formal shower. It doesn't matter that they want something fancy.

not sure why this is a big issue. plan the one you want for early in the day. don't invite her or that side of the family. then let her do the surprise one for her side of the family in the evening. and done.

I would have your mother and MIL figure it out. You shouldn't have anything to do with planning your own shower. If MIL wanted to plan a surprise (that was going to include your side), it is her responsibility to figure out the logistics with your mother, not yours.

I would let your mother handle this and let her know what your prefered arrangement would be... shower in the morning. My guess is that's MIL is full of it and people would come early if invited.

** I didn't get the impression that you are planning your shower like some others. It sounds like your mom and MIL are doing this and just trying to get you to pin down a date.**

Most people don't have a shower for the second baby. I say cancel the whole thing.

I'd chuck the whole thing and have a "meet the baby" party after the baby is born.

Oh good gravy! Talk about stressful!

I like the email idea. Send them both an email telling them how much you love them, but how stressed out this whole thing is making you. Suggest two different days and times that would work for you and the majority of your family and friends. I would ask in the email that you don't have two parties because you are getting close to your due date and still need time to plan and send invites.

I would also have a list of friends and family you would like to invite ready. I wish you the absolute best...... congrats!

Sounds like you are not going to win this one, so let it go. Plan yours and she can plan hers. It'll probably go over just fine not having everyone mingle - or not. This was you won't resent her and she will feel important....because I'm pretty sure this is one is about her - not you, otherwise she'd bend a little. Good luck.

I have had all of my baby showers AFTER the baby is born, that way, we get to reveal the name, everyone gets to hold the baby and hear the birth story ONCE. We all drink and eat and I open all of the gifts that people were able to buy specifically for this baby. I figured no one is REALLY interested in playing stupid games and hanging out with a pregnant woman. All they really want is their baby fix. LOL Two hours and all is said and done and I never have to repeat the birth story.

I say you have 2 showers! Done :)