Help! Almost 3 Year Old Won't Eat!

Hi L., I am in the same boat and have been for 3 yrs. I have 5 other kids and 4 grandbabies. My 3 yr old is the only one that is a finicky eater. for about a year he weighted 20, because he would not eat. His doctor sent him to the newtrisionist at Dornbecker. and the interduced him to treats, You know the bagged cookies and crackers, fruit treats. Now I can't get him away from them. I started bribing him with the treats for bits and what ever I fix for the meal. This has helped.
I would work with his doctor and not worry.

Good Luck

Sounds like he's as stubborn as you :-). I would continue along the path you're on right now. He'll eat when he's hungry, that's my philosophy. One thought on the whole food thing is that if you try to get too creative or offer new things every time it will become an expectation and that's not always real life sometimes. Just a thought. It sounds to me like you're heading in the right direction.
Good Luck.
T.

Hi! I have a 3 year old also and sometimes struggle with mealtime. I have gotten hooked on Love and Logic parenting. It's a great book. Check it out. One of the key issues in it is to surround your child with choices that you can live with as often as possible. It makes them feel in control. Then, when a big thing comes up, you can say, "Haven't I given you choices on x, y, and z? This time Mommy gets to choose." It is amazing how well it works. It is also great to involve them in meal preparation. If you are set on getting him to eat the hotdog, perhaps say, "We are having hotdogs for lunch/dinner/whatever. Do you want to eat it at the table or at the bar? Do you want to eat it from a bowl or a plate? Do you want to dip it in ketchup or mustard. Do you want to listen to silly music while you eat it, or no silly music? Do you want to help me put it on the plate or no? Do you want to help set the table or no?" Always try to have lots of fun or silly ideas. Give them a million things to be in control of with acceptable options for you. You'll be amazed at how much nicer they are when they aren't given a choice if they have many choices on other things. Good Luck!

My little guy is incredibly stubborn, too. But the advice about only offering one type of food until the child eats it is incredibly bad and cruel. Research says that children need to be exposed to a new food as many as fourteen times before they will try it. Additionally, toddlers are learning how to become independent creatures. Let me ask you this: Why are you fighting with a two year old? (It takes two people to fight. If it's one person, it's just a temper tantrum.) Your son is resisting you so ferociously because it gives him a sense of power and control over you. How does he eat at daycare? I'm guessing that, within reason, he eats what he's given because the daycare provider doesn't freak out and beg, plead, threaten, bribe, etc. if he doesn't eat. (Essentially, it's no fun to NOT eat because it doesn't give him any attention!) Let your son be independent - within reason - and stop fighting with him. Offer him portions of the same food you are eating/serving and don't say a single word about whether he eats or not. It will stop being a power struggle if YOU stop struggling. Offer him a healthy snack between meals - just as you would do if he was eating his meals. I'd be willing to bet that as soon as he stops provoking such an exciting reaction from you, he'll settle down and start chowing down! This is what I did with my stubborn almost four year old, and today he eats broccoli and every other food you can imagine. He's gotten more adventurous in trying new food as he's gotten older, too. (As a side note: My husband was raised under the "you will eat what you are given and you will not get anything else until you do" rule and today he is the most frustratingly picky eater you can imagine. He will not touch any vegetable except peas, carrots, corn and onions. A sandwich for him consists of meat, cheese, bread and onions - no mayo, no mustard, no nothing else!) I really think it was because he was forced to eat things he despised. He never developed a taste for a variety of food.)

I agree with you that it is always good to try & get kids to try different foods but I'm thinking you can't always win and just like us adults, everyone's tastes are different. Does your son normally like hot dogs? My mother would not let us get up from the table until we ate every last bite on our plate, I always hated peas and seafood and to this day I still hate those foods so I don't think force feeding works. I have six children and dinner time is sometimes a struggle since not everyone likes the same foods, we've made it a rule for the younger ones, they have to atleast try what's for dinner(a lot of times they end up liking it),if they don't like it, it's a snadwich or cereal & a fruit or vegi. That seems to make our lives easier and atleast the kids are eating something good for them & not going to bed hungry. Good Luck!

I have a couple of boys who have shown amazing stubborness at times when it comes to meals. However, it is far more important for them to get nutrition, rather than proving a point. He's entirely too young to really make your point. Kids sometimes go through these strange eating habits, especially at that age. If he likes cheese and eggs so much, you might try giving him some YoBaby yogurt. It's in with other yogurts at the grocery store. I would keep offering other foods, but give him a little more time before you start getting more serious about making him eat his meals.

My son will be 3 in July as well. I have had days on end when he eats everything and anything I put before him.Then weeks of turning up his nose and running away even from the foods I know he loves. I try to get him to eat what we eat, but that doesn't always work. I have learned because I do have 4 children and a grandchild that eventually a child will eat. My son barely ate all last week. It was hot and I assume that the heat also had something to do with his appetite. I have learned that children are easily distracted and sometimes forget that they need to eat. This is what I do when too many days go by and I want him to eat a good meal. I have him help me cook it...I let him stir or crack an egg and sometimes I have to let him drown his food with dressing or catsup. Not because he doesn't like the taste but because he's putting it on himself. I have noticed the more he helps the more interested he is in the food. I make it fun. The more you stress out the more he will sense your stress and not want it. Relax a bit and structure is good, but at this age you really need to understand that not everything goes as planned. Don't sweat the small stuff. Remember he is learning and exercising his wants and needs and maybe they aren't in line with yours but at least he has a mind of his own and over time he will understand why some foods aren't good for him and others are. There are no wrong or right answers when dealing with children. Every child is different. What works for one kid won't for another. You are his mother and as I heard someone else say...follow your intuition...not anything else. He's a part of you and you know best. Worry less about the rules and make more decisions with your heart & intuition. Good luck. G.

I use to watch a little boy that did the same thing. His mom took him to the doctor and the doctor said that if he is hungry he will eat. The doctor said not to keep offering him different things that if he really is hungry he will eat what you give him. I'm sure he will be a hungry little one for a while but will learn quickly!

Hi

I also have a son who has never been a big eater. He goes through cycles where some days he eats very little, while other days he eats a surprisingly large amount. I know how difficult it is to be a mom in your position! I try very hard not to worry about it, and just present him with a good variety of healthy food (the same things or slight variations on what my husband and I eat for meals). I also present a lot of healthy snacks, and he usually at least takes a nibble or two. We also often let him eat ice cream (or fruit with cheese and whole milk) for desert. I know ice cream has a lot of sugar, but it also has lots of fat, protein, and calcium. Premium ice creams like Haagen Daas are really not that bad because they dont have preservatives...anyway, I hope this helps!

While it is important that they learn to eat what is put in front of them, I don't think it should be the same food from the night before or even the meal before. What I have heard is that you give them their dinner and if they don't eat it, then they go to bed hungry and then they eventually start eating what is put in front of them. Just make them wait until the next meal and don't feed them the hot dog from the night before for breakfast. I make my kids eat at least one bite of each thing on their plate or they don't get dessert. Not everyone likes everything. I wouldn't want to sit in front of brussel sprouts for hours until I had to eat them. They make me gag. But I learned to like broccoli when I was 14 from having to try everything at a friends house. What works for soem people doesn't necessarily work for everyone. So try one thing for about a month and if that doesn't work, try something else.

I don't know, My motherly instincts would have out done my stuborn side (half german too) and fed my child rather than starve him for 30 hours. Especially over a hot dog. I agree with giving him choices at snack time with new foods.

Boy, can I relate to this one! My daughter is 9 years old now, but when she was 2 or 3 we had the same thing going. She would only eat macaroni and cheese. Thats it... mac and cheese all day long! I was concerned and took her to the doc. He said to put new food in front of her and she would not let herself starve. So that's what I did. But she landed herself in the emergency room twice! After that the doc said feed her whatever she'll eat.

What we found that actually worked was two things: have her try new food at someone else's house (that took the power struggle out) and to say, "I bet this will be a food you'll love when you're older!"

Now that she's older, she eats a much larger variety of food. Yes, a lot of it is still kid foods (pizza, hamburgers, chicken nuggets) but she's now willing to try new things. And she even has favorite veggies!

So, I guess my advice would be... hang in there mama! He will out grow it eventually :)

I have read that young kids have sensitive taste buds, so that could be part of it. I think it's normal for kids to go through a finicky stage at this age. My boy did the same thing. Seemed like the only protein he would he was eggs too. I finally decided to try a good protein drink with lots of vitamins, and he still loves it, so at least I know he is getting good nutrition. I also found that he loves snacks, so I just try to keep them healthy, like Soy Crisps, Veggie Sticks, Rice Chips, protein bars... I just keep offereing new food that is similar to what he likes. If I was going to put my foot down about a certain food, I would make it something healthy. Hope this helps. If you want a good source of protein drinks and bars, go to www.shaklee.net/build/prodNutChild you can use the search box for Cinch and Carbo Crunch bars and Meal Shakes. We think the Cinch protein and bars taste the best, but the Meal Shakes are less expensive if you need to go that route. Hope this helps!

Hi L.,

First, you are doing a great job! I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns! Yes, in my opinion, there are no 'terrible two's', it is the Terrible Three's!

I would do what works for now. If the baby food jar thing works, so be it. He will tire of it eventually. I WOULD NOT resort to treats. My mother has introduced treats and inordinate amounts of candy to my son and that is what he tries to hold out for all day long whilst chanting a litany of 'I need candy!'. I won't do it. He will not be deprived of candy in his lifetime, of that I am sure!

Lastly, listen to your gut. Always trust your instincts. They are always correct. I know it is frustrating, but unless you get the alarm, continue on!

Remember too, strong adult leaders are not weak children, so be encouraged! You may have a future president in your little home!

J.

Hi L.!

I think that I am on the tail end of where you are right now. My son is 3 years and 7 months old. For the most part, we have allowed our son to have his limited menu, mostly because he became ill with pneumonia at age 2 and lost some weight during his illness. At that time, the doctors told us to feed him whatever he would eat in order to get his weight back up. We resorted to fresh fruit smoothies with added vitamins and protien powder when he absolutely refused to eat. I am not in favor of
putting him to bed with an empty tummy because he doesn't sleep well and then nobody else sleeps, either.

While there are a lot of great ideas and comments here, just remember that this is a phase. He will outgrow this in time. I have heard this from many moms. My own pick eater has been trying a variety of new foods lately. I'll bet that in time, yours will too.

Hang in there!

This may be far from the issue, but, we have a now 3 1/2 year old who has been a very picky eater since about 18 months old. After a couple of strange reactions, once to just handling shrimp and once with what I thought was a dog, I took him to an allergist. Low and behold he is allergic to nearly eveything. He had asked me at times to kiss his mouth and told me it felt like a mouse in his mouth, but, I never put it together. Turns out he is allergic to everything except some grains,dairy,melon,apple,pear,cucumber,carrots. He is even allergic to eggs,all meats and seafood,etc. The allergies range from moderate to severe(like epi-pen needed). Just an idea if anything might relate to your son. It was an eye opening realization for our family.

Here's a list of some things we can't control when it comes to kids:

we can't make a person go to sleep on cue
we can't make a person eat on cue
we can't make a person pee or poo on cue

Out of all the things to power struggle over, these are the main ones that we must be flexible with. These are also the main ones that we must walk a thin line with and be intuitive about.

Is your intuition telling you that you should cave in and just give him a glass of milk and some ritz crackers as he watches a movie?

on the other hand

Is your intuition telling you that he needs to respect structure? That we eat the food that is put before us at eating time. We can't just snack all day. And in life we must learn that when food is put before us, we should go with the flow of the situation, eat among all of the other people that are eating, and bring it to an end when meal time is over.

My experience:

My son could have died at one point because of mal-nutrition as he was fighting cancer. He was on IV nutrition and G-tube nutrition. And long after treatment for cancer, Hunter lost the desire to nourish himself because he lost the connection in his brain between eating by mouth and satisfying hunger. So, he was on the G-tube and a special diet for a long stretch of time after treatment. Going through that taught me a few things.

The bottom line is that the most important lesson for your child to learn at this age is that food sustains his life. That food satisfies the belly. It doesn't matter so much what he's eating. Just the fact the he lifts "whatever" food to his lips is a blessing. I'd give him what he likes to eat only and leave it at that.

If you don't make it an issue to eat the specific other things that you cook, he'll forget that this is his favorite power struggle (which can be a detrimental one because his life depends on nutrition). He'll find other ways to power struggle with you and move the focus off of food.

But, after a while, like a couple of months from now... I would introduce some challenge. At snack time or just munching time around the house... I'd offer a different new snack rather than just what he wants. Raisins might be a good thing to introduce rather than crackers one day. And be strict about it... say, "This is the snack I'm offering now, there are no other choices. You can eat the raisins or pass on the snack time." That way, you are teaching him boundaries and respect for others but, it's not detrimental to his main choices of nourishment. Eventually it will seem like it's perfectly appropriate to bargain or bride at meal time. You could say something like, "If you eat 10 peaces of corn, you can have fruit snacks after dinner."

Another bottom line: As far as nutrition goes is that it all turns into the same stuff, sugar, fat, calories... vitamins are important but honestly an American kid can eat one egg or one peace of bread in a week and get more balanced vitamin intake than most kids in the rest of the world. Just keep it simple, give yourself a break, and let him nourish himself with the food HIS body is craving.

Again the most important lesson to be learned at his age is that we eat to satisfy our hunger. Whether is be a stack of Ritz crackers, or sugar/cinnomon toast... it doesn't matter. He does need to learn to eat whatever choice of food until his belly is full, stick to the meal (of his choice) until meal time is over and the food is eaten up, and ask for more if he's still hungry for it. Just shifting gears like this and changing the whole attitude and focus about food will get you guys pointed in the right direction and things will get easier.

It's a balancing act between being flexible, intuitive about when it's just the right time to introduce challenge, etc. But, I would just encourage you to choose snack times for the challenging times rather than the main meal times. That sort of takes his power and control away because you will not be fearful about his nurishment. And it will be easy for you to follow through with consequences when he makes a choice to pass on the food.

And just one more point. A child should be allowed to "skip it" or "pass" on some food. It's important to their mental development and personal identity. I think that if he uses up his "skip its" on a snack, and is allowed to demonstrate that kind of personal decision making often... then when it comes time to eat or do something viewed as really important he might actually cooperate more easily.

Hope this all helps,

YM

Ok, I understand your concerns, but he is 3 and at this age most children get very picky about their food. Why do we feel like we have to force them to eat things they dont like? Try giving him a choice between foods, my son is much more willing to eat something he has chosen and then we are both happier. If he wants something you dont have or dont want him to eat just suggest 2 different foods you know he likes and let him choose. Also, if he asks for a food even if he had it for breakfast and lunch why not give it to him for dinner? My son gets a vitamin every day so I dont have to worry about a "balanced" meal as toddlers just aren't into it. I dont know about the not eating thing, my son just gets extremely grouchy and then everyone is miserable! I think when they start exercising free will we feel like we have to push back, and we do, but only when safety is a concern is it really important. If we say no, then thats no, but why say it in the first place if its no big deal? I have seen children starve themselves to malnutrition which stunts their physical and mental growth. Why not just give him the mac and cheese? My brother has Downs Syndrome and they are especially known for their pickyness. He has lived quite healthily for 4 years on crackers and milk with breakfast drink and an occational fruit thrown in. He is watched closely for problems and has none. OH, and my son doesnt like veggies at all so I puree them into sauces, smoothies, and meatloaf. Good Luck, Jen

I don't think it's a good idea to continue this power struggle with a 2 yr old! My son is the same age and I could probably complain too about what little variety he eats. But he's never been a "good" eater, he didn't take to solids until about 9-10 mos so I'm not surprised when he won't try something new. I just don't see the benefit of fighting with him about it.

We usually just ask DS what he wants for dinner! Occasionally I will offer him a new food that he won't eat, usually something DH and I are having. He may sit there for a bit while we eat. We try to make it look exciting (or say how can he know if he doesn't like it unless he actually tries it?!), but don't really push too much if he refuses to eat it. If he says it's yucky I'll just ask what he would like to eat (from 2 choices I know we have and I know he will always eat) and give him that. It's easy to make a few chicken nuggets in the microwave or pour out some applesauce. I know he was hungry when he wolfs down the favorite food! I refuse to make mealtime unpleasant or something to dread. I don't want him to grow up with food issues where he won't try new things and only eats a few certain things all of his life.

Here is another good thing to try, now that your son (and mine) are old enough for this to work... Give him the same old food you know he will eat (so you know he is eating) BUT during the meal talk about how wonderful YOUR food is and if he asks to try it, say sorry it's only for big people! He might proclaim to be a big boy at which point you continue to eat and say "MMMMMMMMmmmmm, this is delicious!" and "I'm not sure you're ready for big people food." (Good ole Reverse psychology!) After playing it up and him giving examples of how he is a big boy, ageee that he is getting bigger every day and might be ready to have just a little bit. Just don't scold when he does try it and says it's not good. You might say he must not be ready but it's OK, he can try again when he's even bigger.

Offer healthy meals and snacks, find new ways to make food fun, and sneak in something new in the process. We put peanut butter on banana slices and eat them with a fork, get a ziplock baggie and let him dump in some cinnamon and sugar and apple slices and he shakes the bag, or use a cookie cutter on his sandwich to make fun shapes and he'll forget he's eating turkey! Sometimes we make smoothies (not too often so it seems like a treat) and he gets to dump in the ice and fruit and a smoothie is a great way to add in something you know he is not eating like protein powder or a mild veggie!

Good luck, try to let go of this power struggle. (Over a hot dog?! I don't even want my kid to like those!) You and he will both be happier!

Hi L.,
It appears to me that your 3 year old is practicing the fine art of manipulation. But, at this point in time...if withholding the food he wants is not working...you need to try positive reinforcement.
I personally would pack him a little lunch so that he feels special and is more likely to eat. That way you can include some of his favorite foods each day and have that control.
Also, I would find out what the menu is at the day care. He may be better off having a packed lunch.'
I have six grown kids and five grand-kids so I have had my share of picky eaters. Hope this works. R.

I'm going through the same thing with my kids (2.5 and 3.5) and my son is just as stubborn. He'll get up from his table and ask for a snack, and if I take it away and get it out again, he has a tantrum. So I tell him that if he eats what I want him to eat, he can have something else, and he just refuses to take a bite. So there have been days when he went hungry for a portion of the day. I know he gets breakfast and a snack in daycare, so I know he's not starving. It's just a matter of outwilling the three year olds, and sometimes that can take quite a while to do. I wish you as much luck as you need to get him to eat!