Ok, this is kind of a convoluted story...thanks for reading. A lady at church needed a friendly ear as she is dealing with a lot right now. I was asked to reach out, which I did and found out that our schedules totally clash, like completely. I was able to meet with her once for a couple hrs, but that was all I could do, due to the scheduling issue. Anyway, we kind of bonded bc she really just laid it all of there and I hopefully helped her a little. But after I just had to tell her how I was so sorry but I really couldn't meet with her anymore but we could try to talk by phone, but I couldn't do that either ultimately bc her situation is so tough, she needs someone fully engaged, listening etc and I homeschool a house of 3 rowdy boys, just no possible way to really be there for her. So randomly she texts me she needs tutoring help for her child in reading, I think she thought that bc I homeschool I know tutors, but I don't. I told her I use a super simple but very effective book for reading and that I could email her the name of the book, it is cheap and it really works well in just about 2O min per day. Then I thought I lost her email, then I realized I had it, then I forgot, then I meant to get with her at church but got tied up with another obligation etc,etc. long story short, I dropped the ball there... So it's been a couple weeks and I texted her that I am so sorry, I will just bring her the book if she wants it and just apologized again, I really don't mind getting it for her, but I really don't want to get it, if she doesn't want it, it's been several days and hasn't responded. So, wow, that was long, sorry! The question is, would you get her the book? If she doesn't want it I know I can give it to someone else anyway. What would you do?
Thanks ladies :) I did let the Pastor know right away our schedules clash, so the church is aware. I got a bit of mis information at the beginning regarding her work schedule and our meeting was an idea to just get together to see if it could work out, but she really needed to let go of some stuff, which I totally get, plus when I really looked at it I only have like one night a week that could possibly work, and she wasn't free :(. I am thinking I'll just get the book for her. I mean I have so little time, I should have realized I just couldn't do it from the get go...lesson learned there. As far as the tutoring idea, her child goes to school so those hrs are not available and she works at night except on the two nights my kids are in sports, so no, there really isn't a time that she could even bring her kiddo by or that we could go over there....
I would go ahead and send the original reply telling her about the book and apologize for not replying sooner. Here's what that looks like: "Oh, shoot! I thought I sent this a long time ago--so sorry that it's late. If you still need help, here's the book that I use. I don't know any tutors. Let me know if this is helpful."
Period.
She bared her soul and you rejected her by ignoring her. That's what she's likely feeling. Even though you did take on something that wasn't going to work out she got hurt even more by trusting you that much.
I think what needs to happen now is you get a friend to come babysit your kids, go pick up another sister from church that is "asked" to reach out to her, then spend the day with the other lady. This way she'll have the opportunity to share her soul with this other person and they can bond.
Then this other person can take on this new friend.
I know how it is when we are just too busy to help others when it's just not the right time for us. When your kids get older and can stay home alone for a couple of hours it just might be better timing for you to visit others who have needs like this.
That is so kind that you reached out.
Take a deep breath and don't give this soooo much thought. You reached out. You told her about the book. She knows you have it. She knows your number. She knows she will see you at church on Sundays. If she wants it bad enough then let her contact YOU about it. Let her put forth some effort.
I wouldn't give it another thought. If my new friend wanted the book then she can come,swing by and get it. Or if she doesn't have transportation then when she makes it known she really wanted it then I'd get it to her at MY convenience. I'd slip it in my church bag when I remembered and then pass it to her in the hallway. I know how busy church is with my own kids and my responsibilites....it is understandable that we all get "tied up".
Don't stress. Reach out when you can but your plate is very full...don't feel responsible for her. Check in when you can. A couple hours is a looong visit when you have 3 young kids that need you daily...and for their education.
You sound like a real sweetheart!
No, don't get her the book. If she wants to get in touch with you re: the book or anything else, she will. Otherwise, let it go.
It is nice that you want to help, but you are making this more complicated than it needs to be.
If she replies "yes" then take her the book.
If she does not reply, assume she does not want the book.
I understand some churches assign people to reach out and help those in need but that does not mean that you actually physically have to be the one to take care of her needs. Often, that just means they are asking you to find a way to help her even if it means handing that obligation off to someone else. So, if your schedules clash, you could ask on FB if anyone knows of a tutor. Or, you can make a signup sheet at church for the ladies in your group to contribute. Or you can make a few phone calls and see who might be able to assist with whatever need. Does that make sense? But I think with this particular person, you have done what you can and I would just wait and see if she even responds and not worry about it until then.
Get her the book if you can afford to do so, and mail it to her. Then tell the person at church who handles putting people together to find someone else to work with her. This is beyond your ability to help and will only serve to frustrate you both.
Too bad you couldn't just meet with her for a little while after church. Regardless, if it were me, I would still give her to book and when I did, I would tell her the truth about what happened: I enjoyed meeting with her that one time, but unfortunately our schedules don't mesh and that I really wished I could be there for her more but decided to get the book and hope it helps. It is what it is. Good luck.
I agree with Gramma G. It sounds like for whatever reason, you are just not in a place to be able to her help her right now. Be honest with yourself and with your priest or whoever assigns you to help others. I like Gramma G's idea of babysitting her kids while she talks to someone else.
Were you asked by your church to reach out to her? If so, I would go back to the person who asked you, to tell them it's not working and to see if the church can find someone else. Then yes, I think that because of the missteps along the way, I would get her the book and let a new person reach out to her after that.
ETA: after I wrote this, I read Galwaygirl's response, and I like it even more than mine, esp the part about coordinating help for her, and not physically doing everything she needs yourself.
Yeah...
Um, what I would probably do is offer her mine. Then, if she doesn't want it, that's the end of it. If she does, you can order yourself another.
I sort of get the impression, though, from what you wrote, that perhaps she was more interesting in maybe YOU tutoring her child. Is there any way at all that is even remotely possible?
I don't know what all her situation is, but if that is really the one thing she asked about, then I would assume she was looking for an actual person rather than a book. Even if it does only take 20 minutes.
Could she drop her child with you or stop by with her child for 20 minutes or something a few days a week?
