Help!! - Myrtle Beach,SC

Hi A., Mel here. I have 2 boys age 2 and 4. Yes, I do believe that he may be too young for time-out simply because he cannot understand why. I found that ignoring my child only made me feel guilty. What I did find that helped was to redirect his attention. I always put up toys when theystop paying attention to them and then when they need something new I pull it back out. Since they haven't seen it in a while it is like new. I think sometimes they are just bored or maybe just want to help and be included. Hope this helps.

I think a lot of parents watch super nanny and they think that time out is this magical methods that will solve all their toddler's behavioral problems. Unfortunately, there is no quick remedy. I used time out for a long time with my son, who is a total rebel. Later on when he was about 2 1/2 -3 for major things I also started spanking on occasion (still not my first choice, but it is very effective for some things, especially when he was being disrespectful). Now my son is four and has calmed down some and is very well behaved at pre-K, but we still deal witht the occasional tantrum. So stick to your guns and be patient. It is normal for him to cry and scream during time out, just ignore him and once his time is up just explain him why he was disciplined and be consistent. It will bear fruit with time.

Hi,
My name is E., I have two girls. Luna is 4 1/2 and Indigo is 3 1/2. They are actually 16 months apart and I basically raised them by myself. I am also from Argentina, all my family is away. Ok, given the introduction, let me tell you that I know where you are at and the best advise I can give you from my experience is just be consistent, persistent and lovingly patient, and when you think you are about to go crazy, they start to respond and all you start to collect from all your efforts.
I don't think he is too young, I think they know exactly what they are doing, and that is trying to get away with their way. They are not mean, just very smart and resourceful.
I went through something somewhat similar. I followed all those steps and always felt it was useless to explain while they were screaming their heads off, but later I realized that they were getting used to the method and actually they did hear some of what I said.
When I started to use time out with my first born, I made the mistake of closing the door of the bathroom while she was in time out, I corrected it pretty soon, and then learnt that the bed is probably also not a good place for time out (some people say the bathroom is not good either for potty training). The best thing would actually be a chair or a place close to you so you can put them back everytime they try to get away (eventually they give up and understand the rule) I know it is hard when you have another little one and a lot of things to do, but eventually investing this time on it will pay off. This has been my experience. My daughters now understand that I follow through when I tell them not to do something and there is almost no need for time out (it varies, of course).
I hope any of this helps, if not you can just disregard it and see what works for you. Every child is different and the circumstances surrounding him too.
Good luck,
E.

What do you use for time out? Are you still in the room? My second is 16-months old and gets removed to her crib when she misbehaves; the most recent was her love of throwing her food on the floor. We put her in there only for a minute and half (1 min. per year)and generally go get her on a pause of screaming. Anyways, it's not really "timeout", but removing them from the situation and showing them that that kind of behavior won't be tolerated. The key is consistency. EVERY time Leyni threw food on the floor, we never threatened ("don't do that again or...), we immediately removed her from the situation. It's worked for my girls and I'll tell you my second is as highstrung as they come...she definitely is more creative in the things she gets into compared to my first!

A., Time out does help only if you be consistent. I know as a mother of 3 daughters and one son. Have you ever watched the Nanny on tv. If so have you notice that it is never the childs fault, but the parents that she teaches. She is right. Children come out of thier mother knowing how to read us, and what out weakness is. Know what you are doing is right and then do it and be consistant. At there ages they dont understand if you explain things to them, what they will understand is your actions, and your constistancy. Do it softly and precisly, tell them that you love them but you must sit in time out untill they say that they are sorry for what they did wrong. If they get up put them back if it taks 2 times of 22 times. When they say they are sorry, reward them with a hug. I am 58 years old and have raised my children and did not do as I am telling you, but have and am seeing it work on my grandchildren. It taks patience I know but good luck and I will pray for you. S.

I definitely think 2 is too young for a time out. They can't understand the reasoning behind it. Remember, at 20 month, he is still a baby. Make sure his needs are met (which includes attention! Why wouldn't you pay attention to your baby?) If he is still crying, hold him, tell him you love him, and soothe him.

Hi! Have you tried whispering to get his attention? When he's yelling and crying he won't be able to hear you, so he will have to quiet down long enough to hear you whisper. I imagine some of this may be because of the new sibling? He may be trying to get the attention that is now being shared with his sibling??? Maybe getting him to "help" with the baby will make him feel more in the loop. And of course, "helping" has to always be done quietly, you can tell him. IDK, but good luck!

My son is now about 21 months old, and we try time out. He acts much like you say yours does. But we continue to try...he knows that it's punishment for something he did...and usually, he knows what he did wrong, even if we can't get him calmed down enough to talk to him about why it was wrong.

HI!!! My son is 19 months. We have had the same problem. We tried time out, spanking, and even taking something away from him that he loves. We have learned that time out doesn't work... maybe because he is so young. Sometimes spanking works, and sometimes taking something away from him works. The most effective thing we have found that works is whispering to him. He is jealous of his new baby sister. But we let him help us with her, like throw her diaper in the trash, get a new diaper for mommy, etc... He feels like he is a big boy since he helps mommy and daddy. Just be firm eith him. He needs so one on one with you and daddy. My husband will give my son a bath every night and I will read him a book at bedtime. He really seems to love it and hasn't been acting out as much. Hope this works for you.

I use time out and the thing about it is, they do not have to calm down in time out. The point is that they sit there for the whole time which should be 1 min per age. If they do sit there the whole time, then time out worked. Then you go up to them and tell them if they want to get up, they quiet down and THEN you explain why time out was used. When they are in time out, you ignore them till the time is up or they are still getting attention and that is what they want and defeats the purpose. When she will not sit in time out, in her crib she goes with the door shut. She can scream all she wants in her room and I do not let her out until she quiets down. Sometimes she screams herself to sleep, some times she shuts right up. Either way, it is out of the middle of the room where I am not going to let it happen.

The thing about trying to stop a tantrum is really a couple of things. One, kids have emotions like we do, and do not know how to get them out. Trying to stop screaming or tantrum really tells them that their feelings aren't valid when they are. They can get mad and cry and scream to get out frustrations, they just have to learn when and where it is appropriate to do so, away from the other kids, guests and me. TELL them it is ok to go scream in their room, show them how to punch a pillow on their bed and when they are done they can come back and act like a big girl/boy. Two, I have never seen a parent trying to control a tantrum where it did not create more stress than was there to begin with. At 2, reasoning doesn't always work so really you just have 2 people out of control when there needs to be none. Take the kid out of the room where her screaming doesn't get looks, comments or action. I know this may sound harsh but you cannot let a kid control the house and everything in it. And while it is a great idea to take them somewhere else and focus on THEM to calm them down, it just fortifies in their mind that their screaming worked and manipulated you into doing something for them. You just cannot always drop everything to tend to that. I do think distractions are helpful, but do not work for really bad fits.

My 2 1/2 year old is starting with this high pitch whistle scream and I can't handle the noise and it upsets my baby, so I remove her altogether. Shes getting to where a threat of going to her bed, makes her stop. Also, even though his behavior is TOTALLY age appropriate, did it coincide with the bringing home of the new baby? Maybe he is jealous and you could let him help more with his baby brother like getting you diapers, and wipes or throwing them away. I found involving Madeline with taking care of her brother made her a lot less jealous of him and more like posessive like it was HER baby she needed to help with. She even starts singing twinkle twinkle little star to him when he cries now to comfort him. But good luck, I feel your pain...

yes..he is too young...that won't work on a 20 month old...If you have a 3 1/2 week old..THAT could be the cause of your problem...so TAKE some time to give him EXTRA attention and the problem will get better..ALL he sees is mommy giving ANOTHER baby her attention that HE use to get..and its not so much a tantrum..as its a cry for attention..and ALL children need attention..and shouldn't be punished for it.
Love him and show him that he is as special ..it will work...I know..I had a 2 and a half yr old when i had my 3rd child...and i had to equally divide my time...so they (the older children)dont' feel abandoned.
Hope this helps.
S.

A.,
Your son may be acting out more because of the new baby. Be sure to find time just for you and him and also make sure dad does the same thing. Also be loving but be firm. If you give in to all of his demands now you will be for the next 16 years. I have heard that time out works for little ones but you need to only leave them there for 1 minute per yr of their age so he does not need to stay in time out for more than 2 minutes. My 2 sons are 19 and 23 and I do not remember when I started time out with them but I was alwasy very consistent with my discipline. I did not give in just because they screamed. They finally outgrew that stage. I hope it also works like that for my new daughter who is 2 months old. I am afraid being the only girl she is going to get very spoiled.
R.

try reading dr. sears book called parenting...oprah has had them on her show. they describe parenting techniques including distraction. --learning to head off an issue before it becomes one. learning to sense what your particular child needs to feel ok. I have a 2 year old (28 mo)girl and a 8 mo old boy too, it works great for her, look under attatchment parenting.
good luck! children at this age should be discovering limits, and begin learning their own will and strengths. He's doing exactly what he is supposed to do... just create good structure for him to sound off of. Missy :)

I'm 23, and a mother of a 20 month old myself. My son has started similar behavior. If we've fulfilled all his needs (fresh diaper, something to eat drink, etc.), and he still is throwing a tantrum for what seems like no reason, we put him in his crib for about 15-20 min. Every time it has worked. He comes back out happy and calm. Sometimes I think our kids need a little alone time too. I usually don't have to do this more than once or twice a week now. Also giving him something creative to do works fairly well. I have taped down lots of copy paper to our kitchen table (with him in his booster seat) and just let him draw like crazy with some crayons. He absolutey loves it.

This is the age that children get extremely frustrated because they want to do LOTS of things, but don't always have the vocabulary or skills to tell you what they want to do or actually perform the action.

Spanking a child for crying is very counter-productive. How does that help a child calm down?

Traditional time out is one minute for every age, and should be done as a consequence for behaviors that need your child to be removed from a situation (like hitting another child, biting, etc).

If you truly just want to calm your child down, I would go into the room WITH your child, close the door, pick up a book or another small toy/game and start quietly playing or reading. Most often than not, your child will come crawl in your lap, stop his tears, and be more interested in the new activity.

The same thing happened to my son, when he was around 18 months. I believe it is because their language skills are not enough to let them speak out what they want to say. Usually, kids at this age won't understand the explaination. When he is screaming, just give him the attention he needs. You can also let him do something else which can distract his attention from what he is concerning. Don't worry. When he grows older, he will get rid of this habit automatically.