Help!!! 9 Peels Paint off Walks and Stickers off Toy Etc.

What the heck? Your husband denies there's a problem and his family wants her institutionalized? There's something very wrong here.

You need to have this child evaluated. Your husband doesn't know what he is talking about. Perhaps it isn't autism, but there is something terribly wrong.

I don't know who you have talked to, but she has not had a proper evaluation if the school is just moving her from grade to grade when she is doing kindergarten level work.

You had better write the school a letter and send it certified to the head office telling them that they need to evaluate your daughter for learning disabilities. By law, they have to answer you within a certain amount of time, and they have to have a child psychologist evaluate her. I would stop going to the school every time they call you over her bad behavior. They are responsible for her while she is there - not you. The guidance counselor should be handling her.

Institutionalized? C'mon. Just ignore them.

If she is at a kindergarten level at age 9 and she does not have assistance/program in place at the school, or getting any kind of help outside of school, then you're all failing this child. Sorry. Not sure what you want us to say.

I agree with Doris below. You all need to get on the same page. You and your husband (as parents), and then together with the school.

If your husband doesn't agree with you and you don't have his support, take the lead, be her advocate and demand an evaluation yourself.

As for peeling the walls etc. to me that would be the least of your worries. You can repair the walls before you need to move. I get it could be a symptom, but just make a list of your concerns to take with you when you have her evaluated.

If she is 9...NINE years old she should be in third...3rd grade, finishing third grade end of this school year. Unless she just turned nine and then she should be finishing 2nd grade.

So, if she is only finishing first grade and still on a kindergarten level at nine there is a huge issue!!

She has a learning issue of some sort and if you are always being called to school then perhaps behavioral issues as well that would indicate a delay or special need.

Being a 5 week old preemie almost a decade ago is no excuse for not having her evaluated a long time before now!!

What does her pediatrician say? Did he/she recommend an evaluation? Did your daughter sit up, roll over, crawl and walk on time? What about speech? Did/does she speak on level with a nine year old? Usually pediatricians catch this stuff very very early and an get you FREE help through your state for evaluations long before a child ends up in school.

Now it is up to you and the school to work together to find a diagnosis and the school is going to fight you on getting one done because they will not want to pay for it. And now you are in the middle of summer vacation.

Get your daughter to her pediatrician immediately and find out where you go from here. It is your best bet over the summer to find resources to figure out a diagnosis. This has gone on too long!! Get moving on figuring this out...it isn't going to fix itself.

there are a lot of red flags in this post, and i smell troll.

not sure what 'your' grade means, but a 9 year old doing kindergarten work in any school would mean intervention and an IEP.

a 9 year old who peels the paint off walls and can't be given a book would have long ago been referred by her pediatrician to some sort of mental health professional. and no school would refuse to consider special ed help for this child.

you 'tried therapy and it didn't work' is another clue that this is a troll. any parent of a child this troubled wouldn't be this ignorant about how therapy works.

it's not like getting a cat spayed, where you go in once and it's over.

and the final statement is concern about the walls, not the kid.

if this is real, it's no surprise that this child is floundering.
khairete
S.

You either paint the wall or just leave it alone and kiss your deposit goodbye for damages once you eventually move out of your rental.
The paint is not that big a deal - unless she's eating it and it might have any lead content.
If you know she likes to peel things - then always have something for her to peel - so she'll leave the walls alone.

The doctors checked for autism? When?
I think we can all agree something is wrong if a 9 yr old can read but is on a kindergarten level for everything else and can't seem to manage not damaging books and her home/environment.
Have her evaluated again - and then present the result to your husband.
He might want to say 'no, she's fine' and be in total denial - but the school will have to pay attention to it and you have to work with them to set up an IEP (Individual Education Program) to help with her learning process.
If she has life long behavioral issues - you are going to need help caring for her and you SHOULD consider that at a certain age (not now but in her 20's maybe) she might need to live in a group home.
She needs the help with socializing and ongoing therapy possibly forever and keeping a job - and eventually she'll out live you - she needs to be in a situation where she'll eventually be fine with getting the help she needs when you are passed away.

For right now - is there any help you can get (nanny, after school care for special needs) so you have some help in caring for her and so you can hold down a job?
You've got a lot to consider - get her evaluated for behavioral issues asap.

I have lived in a lot of rentals & they always end up painting & redoing the carpet or at least shampoo it, when you move out. You will just lose your deposit. How would the landlord know unless he is in the home? I wouldn’t worry about the home, just focus on your daughter. Also, in my opinion, your husband’s family is jumping to the end too fast. Good Luck!!!