Help!!!!

The book _Siblings Without Rivalry_ is fabulous. I can't recommend it enough for all problems with siblings! Good luck.

Hi M.,
First of all I commend you on reaching out for help because that is the first step and a big step. I also like the way you have started spending more one on one time with him, that is huge and keep doing that because he needs that. Have you tried to take him with you and have him help you fill up the Sippy Cups or help you when you have to leave the room so he won't be in the same room with his sister when you leave. See if making him your helper will help and distract him from his sister! It takes time so keep doing what you are doing. Also, keep a clam tone with your voice. Let me know if this helps! You can do it!

T.

With Potty training:
I responded about a month ago to one mom with a 3 years old girl. if I may, I just copy-paste you my response, and good luck, again, Michelle:

one VERY UNPLEASANT experience taught my daughter immediately:
I cannot suggest it, as it is for you to decide, but 3 years old is definitely ready to understand and do it right. She might feel it comfy not to bother to run to the toilet, but it's really time to 'grow up' :).
So, this is what I did: no diapers, regular underwear and stockings or pants on.
Once the clothes got wet :(, I helped her to change, but I tied these wet stockings to her tummy on top of her dress. Well, they kind of stink. She did not like it at all. She quietly suffered through about half an hour, then I took the wet stockings off.
Ever since, not one single time of such a problem occured. She knew where the pot is, and she 'helped herself'.

Here is the link to what other moms suggested on this:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/18011963078660325377

Good luck to you!
M.

I suggest keeping the two year old with you anytime you leave the baby until he learns better ways to relate with her. To help him learn that, take a teaching stance. Tell him exactly what to do and say, show him how to do it, then have him practice, and lavish praise on him as he follows your lead and is gentle. Place your hand gently on him and stroke his shoulder, then with your hand on his (so you can pull it back when needed, but done as helping rather than admitting distrust) have him stroke his sister's shoulder just as gently. Practice different ways you want him to speak to her, then different ways you want him to touch her. This way you are giving him actions, rather than stopping his actions....replacing the damaging with the relationship-building. He will feel like a big brother when he is sure of *how* to be a big brother.

He's at an age where cause and effect are really really cool. He hits his sister she cries he thinks WOWEE Check that out!! At two I'm not sure how much they grasp Timeout.

This might be a time when GOYB (get off your butt) Parenting is in order...be proactive in PREVENTING the injury instead of reacting to it after it happens. Teach him how to properly touch and love his sister without hurting her...you might have to do hand over hand just like you would teach a baby how to pet an animal.

I know just how you feel. I have two boys, 4 and 2, and one girl (1), and all they did is fight! no matter what i do they hit throw toys, books, whatever they could get there hands on. sometime even for no reason. I then heard about this book. "Siblings without rivalry" and i only got to page 50 before i was see the difference. Try reading the book, it has alot this to try and believe it or not they work! now they dont hit or throw things and there better at tell me whats wrong instead of taking it out on each other. Try the book it might help.

I would make sure to reward the heck out of any good behavior he displays towards his sister!!!!

Go to the web site: Love and Logic. They have books and other excellent information on how to deal with sibling rivalry. In the mean time keep giving him attention for positive behavior, and redirection for the bad.

This too shall pass--before you know it, he'll be sticking up for her on the playground!

GL:)

He is old enough to do a simple (picture) chart for behavior &/or activities. I have a sample of one I used for my daughter (I believe I did this when she was 2), because she was NOT going to sleep. Now, I'm only a single parent with one child, but I'm also a teacher...and I really believe that "Positive reinforcement" and charts... WORK!!! (Also, stickers...are the KEY! Kids...LOVE STICKERS! Email me ____@____.com and I can give you more info if you want. I made a sheet on the computer, put it in a plastic sheet protector, and when she did the positive behavior...she earned a sticker...THEN after so many stickers/day, she earned a prize! Try coming at it that way. He's in a transition period. He is in competition with the baby...doing something like this will help him to 1. have time with you, (it takes some time to implement), 2. SEE results of POSITIVE behaviors, etc. Soon you can have him spend time with his sister and just reinforce (overly so) when he is playing SO nice with her... let me know if you want a "sample" you can just make into something that works for you! Blessings! N.

Dear M.,
Way to go--it sounds like you are trying to show love to your 2 year old even when it is difficult. It seems to me that children respond best to gentleness, patience and love, and that practicing patience over time--a very long time, perhaps, since stages can last for weeks or months--works wonders. It is the small things, the small ways that we pause, make our voices very quiet and gentle, and bring our faces down to their level to teach them. It is the praise we give for the tiniest way they try to change. I ask my 4 year old or 2 year old, "Why did Jesus give us hands?" I try to make my tone informational and kind, not critical. Then I tell them "...To help" or "To be kind" or "To play with each other. Will you use you hands to be kind?" etc. Hold on to your patience! It will be there when you need it if you keep reaching for patience! Take care and happy mothering...

Try getting him his own baby. I know your daughter is 1, but my son was the same way. My hubby was against my eldest son having a baby at first but when he witnessed how mean he was to his brother, we bought one. It helped for him to have someone to "take care of" all by himself and seemed to help with the meanness. We still had our occasional outbursts but for the most part, it really helped.

M., find out what is happening at day care also. Only give your son attention when he is kind to his sister. Explain to him you need help taking care of his sister, because he is a big boy. time outs should be in his room with a gate on the door, this is a tough one, most important, be consistent, have your childcare provider do the same as you, or find out what she is doing. good luck