Help - Taneyville, MO

What I used to do with my nephews was make them stay someplace or so something together until they found a way to get along. Perhaps make them both sit on the same rug; they can not get up until they are no longer fighting. Put 2 chairs or stools in the middle of a room and make them sit there until they find a way to share or get along. Send them to a room (preferably with no tv or computer), same thing...can't leave until they are getting along. Have them make cookies together, set the table together, rake leaves together... When they got a little older, when they started fighting I would stop them & have them tell me something nice or something they like about the other one. If they could not, I would use one of the above until they could. However, they are boys and siblings and are bound to fight and/or get a little irritated with each other on occasion. I would not expect it to ever stop completely, but best of luck to you teaching them to find a way to get along or separate themselves from a situation before it gets out of control. My nephews are much older now and get along fairly well. I have 2 young girls now and will have to wait to see if these work for them too! :)

Try this - Tell them that their fighting is upsetting you and the baby. Tell them that your family values are that each person treat others with kindness and respect in their voice and actions. Tell them that from now on, when they are not treating each other that way, they have to go outside out of your earshot. No matter if it's 20 below, they have to take it outside. You don't want to hear it or hear about it. Then, lock them out, make yourself a cup of tea and relax. You won't have to do this very often. The other thing to remember is that if your boys are getting your goat, you can always take your goat and leave. Pack up the baby, and tell them you no longer want to be around them when they fight. Tell them to call you on your cell phone when they are ready to get along. Go get yourself a cup of coffee and a few minutes peace.
I used to do this when my kids would fight. I have pulled off the road, gotten out of the car, and asked them to tap on the window when they were ready to behave. They hate that feeling of abandonment and it always shocks them into changing their behavior.
The point is, your kids need to know you will not be around arguing and fighting, so they will have to choose that behavior or you.

The book Siblings without Rivalry is a great resource.

Boys fight, I have two (16 months apart), and it seems like it's never ending. Try the book from Dr. Dobson called Bringing Up Boys. Perhaps you'll find some good tips on how to get them to put that energy to better use, OR to at least find some peace for yourself! It helped us! LOL!
S.

I was the second of three girls, and we always fought. But now we are very close. My mom just told us to go fight outside and call when there was blood. (There usually wasn't.)
Here is the thing: guys bond by fighting or working side by side. Girls bond by talking. (My sisters and I were the exception to that rule.) Let them be boys (obviously within reason).
If it gets out of control, try this: put each family member's name in a hat. Have everyone draw one name but not share it. For one week, they have to do nice things for that person without letting them know who has their name. At the end of the week, announce who had whose name. Then draw new names. Do this until the fighting stops (and maybe continue it!)

ok you have to realize that boys will be boys; they are at the ages of don't touch me, don't be around me, and it's none of your business. I grew up with 8 brothers and sisters so my advice to u is give them time they will settle down and learn that life is too short to fight and then they will start being able to lean on each other. They are just learning how to press each others buttons. just hang in there it will hopefully get better for you.

Have you tried charts. Like give a sticker for certain good behaviors & then a treat at the end of the week. I would go to library or book store & check out the books on discipline. I think the Nanny 911 tv show has some really good ideas. Time out can still be enforced. (a special place to place the "bad" child for minutes as old as they are)

I don't know how much help this will be as my kids are grown,however when I was young whenever I went over to my friends house if she got into trouble, such as from fighting with her sister, they got assigned things to do such as pick up rocks outside or scrub the floors with a toothbrush, washing dishes, just whatever, it seemed to work! Good luck.

T. B

I stay home with my four children- two girls, two boys, so I know about fighting! We have worked on a lot of different things. I think some bickering is natural and good, in that they learn to work things out and express their feelings. However, it gets out of hand quickly, and needs to be stopped! I work as an arbitrater- I stop the arguing, make each person say what they are upset about, and then discuss, politely, how to solve the problem. I emphasize the need to love the other person and not just think about themselves. This is a lot of work, but it pays off! Serving each other can be good too- they have to help each other clean up their rooms, for instance. My ten-yr. old son suggests 'pray'!

I have no idea...not what you wanted to hear, huh. I have no experience in this area, my kids are 4 and 1, but if they can't get along when they are together, maybe they should be apart. Like different rooms. Maybe, if they spend enough time apart, and realize how boring it is, they will decide to get along better for you!! Hope this helped at least a little!!!!

One wonderful book: http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-T...

My boys like to fight and bicker amongst themselves too. The best thing that works for me is to revoke a favorite privledge for all of the boys in the room when the arguing takes place. They get a couple verbal warnings and then they all lose the Playstation for the day. Another go equals another day plus the computer and I have them cleaning their things up around the house and their rooms. Third go around equals those items a third day plus their DS games. They usually stop fighting by this point. I do this everytime and they don't fight as often. If it's just one child being the instigator they get sent to another area of the house after I've take away a couple privledges.

I have a dry erase board in the kitchen to write down who is grounded from what, so that I don't get the kids confused or mixed up. If a child wants to work off a punishment I'll let them clean, vacuum or do another chore around the house that usually isn't theirs.

I hope this helps. I know how crazy it can get when boys are fussing at one another!

We have three, and I can't even imagine the dynamics of four.

Here's what seems to work for us:

When they fight, everyone gets separated for a set period of time (depending on your nerves, it could be anywhere between 5 and 20 minutes). It doesn't matter who caused it or started it or wouldn't stop. This way they start to realize they have to work as a team to keep each other under control. I don't know if they each have a room. If so, that's ideal. If not, get them into separate rooms around the house - where they can't see and preferably can't even hear each other. If you have to separate a couple of them to other rooms, rotate them to their rooms based on days of the week. Oldest boy is in his room M/W/F/S; roommate T/Th/Sa.

Believe it or not, they really don't want to be separated for long. They can play and hang out together as long as they manage to work out their problems without it getting into a brawl or getting mean. The MINUTE they push past whatever your tolerance level is, they get separated AGAIN. When you let them come back together, reiterate that they need to work out rules for whatever problems they are having, so that they aren't separated again and again and again.

Trust me, despite whatever meanness you're experiencing, they really do wanna be together, and when they believe you mean it about the separation, and that they are responsible for EACH OTHER'S BEHAVIOR, then they will start figuring out ways to keep the volume down.

Good luck!

Try Parenting with Love and Logic

One example they give is to say:
"I charge $1 per argument/incident/fight"

This has worked for my kids when I've used it.