Help! 12 Month Old with Terrible Separation Anxiety.

Yes it is a faze and he will get better I promise! My son does it every once in a while and he gets over it within a few minutes. I try not to let my son see me leave for work as I work nights! Good luck!

when my daughter went through this we put a flash light in the window, and when i would leave she would stand at the window and wave her flash light, i would blink my head lights. after a while she started waiting on this time. then before i knew it she wasnt at the window anymore.

My 13 month old is going through the same thing right now. It is very stressful and heartbreaking. I really don't have any advice except that it will get better. How long does it go on? Did your mother say or just long enough to make you feel awful? I just try not to prolong the tears with my daughter. I give her a kiss and say bye and encourage her to say bye then walk out. I was told that it was the best thing to do and eventually they do settle. The key that I found is distracting them once you do leave. Time to eat or time to do a favorite toy, etc. Distractions seem to help us out the best.

Hi. My son was that way and he wanted to be held all of the time. I know that it is hard but what I had to do was let him cry it out. I kept reminding him how much I love him and at times I would even sit down on the graound with him, but I would not pick him up. Now he is almost 2 and it is much easier I can tell him mommy needs to do this or that and he will say okay. I know you think man I wish I knew if he could understand what I am saying. They do. Good luck!! With Gage on drop off I started talking to him on the way to day care telling that mommy had to go to work and telling him that i would be back to get him. He has a blanket that he holds when I leave.

my 14 mo old has had problems with this her whole life. the best thing i found was to stay where i left her for a while till she got comfortable. It may be really helpful to go to your mom's when she isn't going to have to stay with out you or have your mom come to your place as well. some times it just goes away. hope it all goes well.

I went through this with my daughter when she around 7 months old. She just would cry whenever anyone else held her. It did get better and now she is 13 months old and isn't phased if I leave her.
When you take him to your mom's; do you just hand him off and walk out or do you talk to your mom before you go? I would talk to him and tell him what you are doing and why...even though he is only a year old and won't completely understand your reasoning on your way to the house. When you get there, have your mom get out something to distract him. Hand him off, kiss him and say good bye and walk away. I know that sounds harsh and easier said then done, but it really will be the easiest thing for him and for you. He may cry but if he gets distracted, then he will move on.
Hope that helps and hopefully it will get better for both of you soon!

M.,

Yours is probably in 'some phase' as you put it. My youngest daughter went through that. The closer the child is to you, the harder it is for them to let go of you, even for short period of time.

In my case, I used to have a friend (who was also my neighbor) babysit (as I did not have family members that lived close), and my child had already been tramatized by a natural disaster and relocation. I was on govenment assistance at the time and the state forced me (as part of Welfare reform in my state) to go to school, work, volunteer, or a combination there of.

For my daughter, that could have been considered the worst thing or the best (but she was much older than your child since she was about 4--Center-based Head Start age). She used to cry for everything and suck her fingers. She would cry all the way to school and home, as well as anytime she was at the babysitters. The babysitter and the head start tried what they could to deal with the problem. They all tried to take her mind off the fact I wasn't present and what worked one day didn't work the next.

Some of the things we tried was I would leave a toy of hers at the babysitters and she would have something I bought her from home waiting for her when she got there after head start. The babysitter would have my daughter help her clean little things to help keep her mind off me not being there, and then would reward her with popcycles for doing a good job cleaning. It was there she learned to "Weep" the floors as she calls them for 'sweeping'. Also, sometimes, I'd slip out w/o saying good-bye, because it was sometimes less obvious to her that I was leaving if she didn't have to her the words.

At Head Start, I'm not 100% sure what they did or said to her, but I remember that the first day she didn't cry, they gave her a certificate of achievement. It was her award for not crying for 1 whole day.

In my case, time and lots of patience was the best medicine.

If your child (especially being so young) continues to struggle with separation anxiety, you may want to consult your doctor for some other ideas to try.

Good luck to you.

Oh yes, I've been through that with my daughter. I think every child has seperation anxiety at some point, some worse than others. The best thing you can do is leave him with someone you trust, get him involved/distracted, and leave. He can sense when you're tense, so if you relax he'll relax. He may cry but not for long, especially with Grandma there to comfort him. Eventually he'll learn that you have to leave but you ALWAYS come back, and he won't stress about it.

I think it is definitely best to not prolong it when you drop him off. Also, sometimes it works to give them something and ask them to keep it for you until you come back. This can add some reassurance that you will be back. Someone had told me to leave one of your shirts with your smell on it, too, although I never tried that.

I babysit at MOPS for one to two year olds and two things that work great on the distraction angle are videos with kids who are singing and snack.

Best wishes,
C.

M.,
My son goes through this in varying degrees. He's also 12 mos old.
I agree with some of the others... I would just give him a kiss, tell him where you're going, tell him you love him and wave bye-bye. Then turn around and leave w/out making a production out of it. The more you show an emotional reaction, the more emotional he'll tend to be.
I've found this has helped me out tremendously but it does take a little time.
Good luck!
J.

M.:

This will pass in time, and it is very normal. When you drop your son off, don't make a big deal about it. Let him know ahead of time "today we are going to Grandma's...", and talk about it in the car ride over "you are going to have so much fun..".When you get there spent only a few minutes with a distracting activity, give love, and leave. The longer you hang around, the worse it is. Just remember, he is with your mother, who I'm sure loves and cares for him every day.

A. L