My daughter started this past July right after she turned 11. We went to the store and bought two different brands (Always and Stay Free I believe) of the ultra thin regular length pads to see which she likes best. I think one had wings and one did not. I'll probably just keeping buying different ones until she decides which one she likes most. My daughter is very tall for her age. She gets mistaken for an older teenager all the time so a regular thin pad works just fine for her. She tried using one of my ultra thin overnight pads once and hated it because it was too long so I would say at least stick to the regular length or shorter, if that's a possibility.
Since my daughter started during the summer, we didn't have to worry about school right away, and she actually only had her period for July and August and hasn't had her period again since so we've not yet had to deal with her having her period while in school. When it does come during school however, I would not send a note to the teacher or nurse about it as I am sure they are aware of these things at this age. I might contact the nurse to see how they handle administering advil for girls who have cramps should she have that issue in the future, but that would be about the only thing I would do differently with regards to school.
As far as frequent bathroom breaks go, my daughter's flow was not heavy enough to warrant too many more bathroom breaks than usual so again, she hasn't had to worry about that issue yet. Fortunately, my daughter has a few friends that started before her so she seems a little more at ease in dealing with the issue. I don't think she would be embarrassed to ask to go to the bathroom a few extra times if needed and I would definitely instruct her that she doesn't need to say why she needs to go, and to let me know if a teacher actually questions her about it. If that were to happen, I would definitely be contacting the school as that would be highly inappropriate in my opinion.
Isn't it funny all the things we think about now that our mothers never had to. I mean, how many different pads were there when we were that age? And my mom never would have contacted the nurse or teacher to let them know I had started my period. They would have thought she was a kook! Of course, if I needed an aspirin, I could take it to school in my purse and I wouldn't be arrested by the on campus police for taking meds for cramps either. :-/
Don't worry momma. Our girls will be A-ok. We figured it out and I am sure they will too. :-)
Blessings,
N.